Dating thread 214 - the no rules one!

[BelladiMamma]

Here are the only rules what matter!

As for anything else OLD not listed here - make your own ❤️

@SpringlikeBunk

Might have blown it with MrC lookalike, he asked what I liked doing and I said “chocolate and handsome men called X” . X is his name.

Some nights, you’re targeted by creeps. Some nights, YOU are the creep

@SpringlikeBunk 😁 cheesy yes, creepy no. If you can't flirt and be cheeky on OLD then where can you do it? I approve 🙂

Just got a very sweet and kind message from Mr Slow Texter. Only 27 hours after I messaged him, which I think is a record breaking speedy reply for him 😁

He said he completely understands but asks that I keep his number in case I want to reconnect in the future.

My instinct tells me he's a good bloke. We also had a lot of common interests and although not my usual type, I was definitely attracted to him.

Bit frustrating that he came along when he did, and that he didn't make a bit more effort with the communication, but that's life I suppose.

[quote SpringlikeBunk]He replied “you can have both” and I replied with this gif:

giphy.com/embed/zpIADSd2bkC9G[/quote]
Is that a small dog wearing an ewok outfit?

I'm so down with that type of flirting 😁🥰

@Languidleopard

Just got a very sweet and kind message from Mr Slow Texter. Only 27 hours after I messaged him, which I think is a record breaking speedy reply for him 😁

He said he completely understands but asks that I keep his number in case I want to reconnect in the future.

My instinct tells me he's a good bloke. We also had a lot of common interests and although not my usual type, I was definitely attracted to him.

Bit frustrating that he came along when he did, and that he didn't make a bit more effort with the communication, but that's life I suppose.

How frustrating ...!

But a nice way to leave things.

Just got back from a drink and pizza with a man I had been introduced to by a friend.Could not believe it when he loudly belched several times throughout the evening.I was mortified and made my excuses and called a cab home.Now I think I should have said something....hideous manners!

Omg i chatted to some one on tinder today and we swapped numbers and chatted on phonev and now he won't so messaging me
Why is it one extreme or another for me??

Wont stop*

@Languidleopard I hear you. Needless to say I unmatched with him promptly ❤️

I have had a completely normal chat with a consultant respiratory doctor on Feeld (checked his info via NHS too). Actually interesting and sensible. Mild flirting. Covered politics, relationship, lockdown, etc.

Might need to move him to WA. He's looking for fwb due to only being separated.

Meanwhile MrWG silent though I sent a very cursory text on Sunday ("busy at work, not otherwise. Had a friend's dog for the weekend, nice walk today" - thought I'd just give him a bit of his own medicine and not be chatty, not ask after him etc). It's Wednesday tomorrow so interested to see if I hear anything (I'm not really free, other than an hour and a half at lunch when I'll go swimming I'm in meetings til five then off for my flu jab).

Other walking group guy - going to name him MrStone, is very keen. Came over after Sunday's walk, took the dog home with me (helpful as not sure I could manage her, all her stuff, picking up poo and then opening their front door all on my own anyway), has taken away some WEEE stuff for me to save me going to the tip, then we went out to eat, back to mine for a cuppa and a bit of TV.

I so don't fancy him. I really wish I did because he's lovely and very keen. He says lovely things about me, complimented my house several times, asks questions about me, seems to have dealt sensibly with his divorce and looked after his dd while remaining on speaking terms with ex.
Only two downsides are: ex alcoholic (so doesn't drink at all) and vapes (which I hate almost as much as smoking).

Anyway, he's cooking for be Friday. I feel like I'm the MrCricket in Isitreallyme177's story here!

Not entirely sure that’s a very fair comparison to make. It’s been a very long journey for MrCricket and isitreally but i think we should leave them to enjoy whats been going on over the past few weeks and everything thats still to come!

Just checking in to say that I'm still not 100% cured from MrActor. Call me crazy but I even dreamt about him last night aaaargh

Sorry everyone. I may have 'mentionitis' for the next few days ...

Had a 2nd date last night, I like him, not sure if feeling is mutual. I guess I'll find out today. I haven't yet worked out how to date multiple men at the same time, is there enough time in the week to manage this?!

@BelladiMamma, I imagine what you are feeling is a result of meeting a good looking, interesting guy who you got on well with and had great sex with. It’s natural when you have a that kind of experience to want it again. It’s a shame that he’s not definitely going to be around and accessible to start a regular FWB scenario with. Is he usually based in London?

@VanGoghsDog, how frustrating that Mr Stone isn’t floating your body on the attraction level. Has he made a move on you beyond friendship as yet ? As for Mr WG it seems like what he can offer you at the moment just isn’t enough- in any capacity. If you would be happy with a regular FWB then the Dr might be a good candidate. Let’s hope that there’s potential when you get to meet in person.

Red flag? The dashing captain has asked if I’m on WhatsApp a couple of times and texted me a link to WhatsApp.

I’m just ignoring it tbh he can text or not text, but think it’s a bit rude/patronising suggesting another means of communication to a virtual stranger.

Maybe I’ll suggest he downloads Bible Verse Of The Day or something as we’re clearly on those terms now

@Dazedandconfused10 I would downgrade some of the 'dates' to coffees during the day or after work meets for one drink?

@Onesmallstep67 yes he is around in London til the end of November. He lives in Scotland, somewhere I visit regularly for family. The issue is that I only have one night childfree per week. I'm going to suggest meeting again, on my next free night. The good thing is that until the end of November our free nights are the same ones. Let's see how it unfolds. The great thing is that this is a reminder that attractive, intelligent and independent men can be found on the apps.

@VanGoghsDog so do you think you will talk to MrWG or just let it play out? Can you salvage your friendship and put it back on that footing? I hope you enjoy someone cooking for you 😊 that's always a big win in my book 👍🏻

@SpringlikeBunk

Red flag? The dashing captain has asked if I’m on WhatsApp a couple of times and texted me a link to WhatsApp.

I’m just ignoring it tbh he can text or not text, but think it’s a bit rude/patronising suggesting another means of communication to a virtual stranger.

Maybe I’ll suggest he downloads Bible Verse Of The Day or something as we’re clearly on those terms now

I'm not sure if it is a red flag, it's just laziness? He wants to communicate in the way that suits him best?

It’s the several times and sending me a link that’s pissed me off - just seems pushy to a stranger?

I’m working on and pushing the frontiers of some of the most cutting edge science and tech in the world.

so not sure why he seems to think I need advice on what apps to use (to suit him).

Just worried that he’ll be pushy for the meet or down the line.

@SpringlikeBunk

It’s the several times and sending me a link that’s pissed me off - just seems pushy to a stranger?

I’m working on and pushing the frontiers of some of the most cutting edge science and tech in the world.

so not sure why he seems to think I need advice on what apps to use (to suit him).

Just worried that he’ll be pushy for the meet or down the line.

Yeah more than once or twice would piss me off too.

Just leave him a voice note and tell him that you're well aware of the merits of WhatsApp but you're not using it at the moment and if that's a deal breaker for him, that's his lookout.

I say voice note because then it's less passive aggressive it's more 'it is what it is'

Ok lovely threaders. Help me get some balance here.

So, normally after I've slept with someone they call me or message me and tell me what an amazing time they had and started sending suggestions when to see me again. I get letters, flowers, loads of texts and phone calls. Basically I very frequently get love bombed. They're usually obsessed with me fairly quickly. And I don't really enjoy it but it's been a pattern for a while and I have kind of got used to it being 'helps me know where I stand' but I recognise it for what it is. Eg unhealthy and unhelpful behaviour that will push me away if it doesn't stop.

I'm getting nice chat from MrActor but nothing about following up or anything really very personal to us or to me.

It's actually really thrown me. I'm assuming he's not interested. He's busy, he must have a lot of offers. But I don't know how to behave in this situation as it's been so long. Well MrScot my ex colleague from way back pretty much ghosted me after we'd started sleeping together. He'd come on really strong beforehand but then turned the tap off. The sex was truly crap though

I'm busy today so maybe I just sit with the feelings and let a day go by without contact? He's really busy. I haven't been that busy at work like him in years so maybe I've forgotten ...?

MrStone - no moves, though sitting on the sofa I thought I could feel a desire from him to move closer, some cushions were repositioned, but I showed no interest, even putting my foot up on the stool sort of in the way.

so do you think you will talk to MrWG or just let it play out? Can you salvage your friendship and put it back on that footing?

I'm really bad at talking about things, which is obviously how I got into this situation in the first place :)
I'm not sure I want to be friends with him. I mean, he has zero time so he'd be a useless friend. It's not like I could go to the cinema with him or something. He's supposed to be a friend with benefits but I don't see him as a friend and there are really no benefits. He also has a huge number of female friends, some of whom I suspect were interested at some point, so no way do I want to be part of that collection. I also have enough friends really.

I hope you enjoy someone cooking for you 😊 that's always a big win in my book

I really like it. I don't cook for men, so it's a good start.

How do you "leave a voice note"? This is not something I've ever done?

@BelladiMamma I think general chat from Mr Actor sounds good, although love bombing makes you feel good its not real and those men probably only wanted more sex.

Mr Actor sounds like a gentleman and I would enjoy the chat whilst hopefully getting another meet arranged.

@BelladiMamma

Definitely agree with sitting it out and not pushing - I think you've worked it out really, it's more about adjusting your expectations a little bit than his behaviour? (which seems appropriate and fine)

Like you say, you don't think the previous communication has been healthy - it's guys putting you on a pedestal without genuinely taking the time to get to know you - So it may be good to try another approach and see how that pans out!

@BelladiMamma

Ok lovely threaders. Help me get some balance here.

So, normally after I've slept with someone they call me or message me and tell me what an amazing time they had and started sending suggestions when to see me again. I get letters, flowers, loads of texts and phone calls. Basically I very frequently get love bombed. They're usually obsessed with me fairly quickly. And I don't really enjoy it but it's been a pattern for a while and I have kind of got used to it being 'helps me know where I stand' but I recognise it for what it is. Eg unhealthy and unhelpful behaviour that will push me away if it doesn't stop.

I'm getting nice chat from MrActor but nothing about following up or anything really very personal to us or to me.

It's actually really thrown me. I'm assuming he's not interested. He's busy, he must have a lot of offers. But I don't know how to behave in this situation as it's been so long. Well MrScot my ex colleague from way back pretty much ghosted me after we'd started sleeping together. He'd come on really strong beforehand but then turned the tap off. The sex was truly crap though

I'm busy today so maybe I just sit with the feelings and let a day go by without contact? He's really busy. I haven't been that busy at work like him in years so maybe I've forgotten ...?

What is his "work"? My niece works in theatre and barely has a moment to send a text when it's full on.

I think the behaviour you've noted from before is a bit odd. However, chatting but no comment on another meeting up is odd. But a lot depends how you left it, or how you started it - was it supposed to be casual? If so, he's keeping it casual I guess.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts.

Yes it started casual and I spent a lot of time telling him that I don't want a relationship etc whilst he spent a lot of time going 'wowzers we've lucked out here as you're way hotter than I'd hoped plus we have stuff to talk about' but then no mention of meeting again. He might prefer something very different in bed given that we basically just ran into his flat after dinner and ripped each other's clothes off. It was fairly basic 🤣

On WhatsApp there's a microphone icon and you press it and record a voice note @VanGoghsDog. As for what he does, he's a successful actor in a show and he is completely wrapped up in that. Then when the show is over he might transfer some of that energy to me. Depends what his post show comedown looks like. He's got kids to get back to

He's been active on Feeld all the time we've been talking but he says he's very picky and doesn't often pursue. Has had short flings during lockdown / since his separation

That could all be crap or economical with the truth because I know that in my head I don't pursue much either but I've got several chats going which might turn into meets. Plus MrItaly today and potentially MrSardinia this weekend. So even though I'm rather smitten with MrActor I have not altered my dating behaviour