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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I hate my DP. Finally.

220 replies

NoLongerADoormat · 26/09/2021 22:56

It has happened. 3 years of financial abuse, isolation, shit self esteem and blows to the head I have realised I fucking hate my partner.

I don't actually know where to go from here. He punched me in the head on Monday then got his mum on the phone to tell me how nasty I am for carrying on an argument. He's in my house and every time I tell him to leave he says he's staying here for his son. I've waited ages for my house, it's council and I can't afford private especially not in this area.

What do I do. I don't want this waste of air in my house or in my life.

OP posts:

SafferUpNorth · 27/09/2021 11:52

Phone the freephone, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247 for advice on what you can do.

Good luck and stand firm... for your own safety and your child's

GettingItOutThere · 27/09/2021 11:53

phone the police, you must protect your son. It will be held against you if you dont do something if he is adanger to your child, sounds like he is.

Also yes, get the pollice involved and get him out the house

samwitwicky · 27/09/2021 11:57

Don't be afraid to call the police. You are the victim here and they are there for your protection.

Please call them. Get him out. Change the locks.

If he returns, call the police. EVERY TIME. That way it is recorded so if the matter of custody ends up in court you have some solid back up x

Pastryapronsucks · 27/09/2021 12:00

@minipie

I would suggest you contact Women’s Aid or the National Domestic abuse helpline which is open 24 hrs. Women’s Aid website also has online chat advice and a forum section. They will have lots of experience of helping women in your position and will be able to advise on your options. Be careful, calling the police right now may not be a good idea if you think it could make him more violent to you. Hopefully you can contact one of the helplines without him knowing?

Agree with this. Also your Council housing team should have someone trained to advise in DA situations. At my local authority they are called DA champions. If you can't get an injunction yourself sometimes the local authority can help.

Good luck, you will get through this. Its hard when their family get involved but you have got this

ShuddaBeenMe · 27/09/2021 12:22

Good luck

Mumoftwo1990 · 27/09/2021 12:26

@NoLongerADoormat

It has happened. 3 years of financial abuse, isolation, shit self esteem and blows to the head I have realised I fucking hate my partner.

What do I do. I don't want this waste of air in my house or in my life.

Repeating all of the responses but call the police, it's easy for me to sit here and say this but how many punches to the head till it's deadly and your son is left to be brought up by that man and your MIL. It's scary but please be brave, if not for you. For your son.

BoredZelda · 27/09/2021 13:09

I'm not making anything complicated at all I don't want the police here when I know full well how he's gonna react itll either me attack me the second he sees the car pull up outside or make a scene.

He attacks you whether the police are there or not. At least if the police are there they can get him out so it won’t happen again.

cricketmum84 · 27/09/2021 13:34

@BoredZelda

He attacks you whether the police are there or not. At least if the police are there they can get him out so it won’t happen again.

OP he will attack you whether the police are there or not. You have said he has done this multiple times.

Pompom2367 · 27/09/2021 14:17

Op call the police and have him removed

Jux · 27/09/2021 14:47

Call the Council, call a lawyer, call the police and call WA. All of them. The cops can remove him, the Council will change the locks, WA will give you advice and rl support, and a lawyer will fight your corner if you need them to.

whynotwhatknot · 27/09/2021 15:17

Now youve left call the police and report it-say youre scared to go home because of the attacks

DangerousCity · 27/09/2021 16:24

HalzTangz · 27/09/2021 18:23

@NoLongerADoormat

I am trying to do it in a way without police involvement unless absolutely necessary. I don't want to flee, I'm gonna look into a non mol. I just hate him so fucking much he's asleep next to me in bed now and I just want to stand on his head. I hate this man and what he's done to me

You don't have to flee just because the police are involved. But you should report it. What if he does this again to another woman (who could have done a Clare's law). Protect yourself and others, call the police. Report the physical attacks and ask them to remove him from your house. He's more likely to do what they say. You'll probably have to get an injunction against him to that orders him to come nowhere near you or your house

Original poster

NoLongerADoormat · 27/09/2021 23:50

I told my mum everything. She phoned the police. I told them I don't want charges pressing I just want him out of my house and my life. He left. Contacting a solicitor tomorrow re non mol. I don't know how I feel. Relieved

OP posts:

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 27/09/2021 23:59

That's great @NoLongerADoormat

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 27/09/2021 23:59

Stay safe

user1473878824 · 28/09/2021 01:52

I’m so glad you’ve told someone @NoLongerADoormat. So many posts on here will tell you exactly what he’ll do now someone knows. Love bomb you and try to win you back. Please don’t listen. It will all be empty words so he doesn’t get in any trouble for the awful things he’s done. As soon as he feels safe again it’ll be exactly the same.

OhamIreally · 28/09/2021 02:12

Well done your mum.

See - all these mumsnetters wanted to help and protect you, just as if you had an army of mums here.

Stay strong and keep posting.

KittenKins · 28/09/2021 02:30

I'm really pleased, well done you because it isn't always as easy as some think. Be honest with those around you, let them support you & do their job, you focus on you.

You deserve more than you've had to put up with, ignore any contact from him but don't delete a thing as you may need it later on.

Best of luck

Original poster

NoLongerADoormat · 28/09/2021 02:33

Thank you. I've turned all notifications off on my phone and will be changing my main number ASAP.

OP posts:

Mamanyt · 28/09/2021 05:57

Good. And, as mentioned above, BEWARE THE LOVE BOMBING! He's going to try to win you back. They all do. Well, except for my ex, who was convinced I meant it after I knocked him unconscious with a cast iron skillet while he tried to choke my elder son. That was pretty definite. But almost all of them do.

Change your number, change your locks. Be cautious when leaving and arriving at home. There are apps out there that will dial emergency services and start audio recording with one touch, or there are in the USA. Explore this. These next few weeks are the most dangerous ones, but things DO get better.

LoislovesStewie · 28/09/2021 06:42

Just read your update. Well done! I knew you could do it and you have. Wishing you a peaceful and happy future.

ManifestingJoy · 28/09/2021 06:52

Watch meredith miller on youtube "inner integration" about hoovering.
She has so many helpful videos.

Well done op

JaniceBing · 28/09/2021 07:05

Well done!!! You've done amazing :)

ChaToilLeam · 28/09/2021 07:09

Good for you @NoLongerADoormat!! And yay for your mum. Stay strong and don’t give in to any wheedling, you’ve got your life back. ❤️

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