I hate my DP. Finally.

[NoLongerADoormat]

It has happened. 3 years of financial abuse, isolation, shit self esteem and blows to the head I have realised I fucking hate my partner.

I don't actually know where to go from here. He punched me in the head on Monday then got his mum on the phone to tell me how nasty I am for carrying on an argument. He's in my house and every time I tell him to leave he says he's staying here for his son. I've waited ages for my house, it's council and I can't afford private especially not in this area.

What do I do. I don't want this waste of air in my house or in my life.

[LakieLady]

@LoislovesStewie

Ex LA Housing Officer here; phone the Police tell them exactly what has been happening, phone your housing officer tomorrow and tell them what is happening. Phone Women's Aid for general advice and support Phone 999 if you are scared and get the Police there to remove him/arrest him, ask about a non-molestation order. Tell them you have been too scared of him to act until now. They will all believe you because this is all too common I am afraid. You can be moved by the LA if they think you should be, and you request it. They can also give advice or provide you with extra security. I have arranged all of that for women in your situation.
You have done nothing wrong and once you ask for help you will get it, but please act now.

This is great advice. The police will make it a condition of his bail that he doesn't go near you, and they will put a marker on your address so that any calls from there will be treated as high priority.

They can put all sorts of security measures in place. You will be believed, and you will be supported. And it will be life changing for you and your son.

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this, and am willing you all the strength you need to make a fresh start.

[Buttetflybookkeeper]

@minipie

All the people who are advising to call the police, see OP’s latest post where she says her partner may attack her if the police arrive.

He already has attacked her. Many times before.

[minipie]

I understand Buttetfly, I agree she should of course tell the police but safer while he’s out of the house than when he’s there.

[Coldilox]

I’m a police officer and I promise you we are used to dealing with men like this.

It’s not a perfect system. He will most likely be bailed (unless he has previous for offending on bail) and he may not go to prison (again depending on his history). But you need this properly documented to get all the help you need. They can put urgent response markers on your address so any call from you is treated urgently. The violence will be documented for any child access proceedings. You will get support from Social Services (and they will support you - you are getting this man out of your house, this is what they want).

Take care xx

[Rinoachicken]

Call the council and the police. I was in your situation, sole tenant. The council changed the locks at the request of the police.

[Daisydolly1986]

So sorry you are going through this. You must report this to the police. You need evidence. This will escalate to child custody etc. He is already using your child as a tool to control and abuse you by using the child as the reason he has to stay in your home. You need police evidence. This must be reported.

I recently went through CAFCASS and as I did not report anything to the police during our relationship, nothing I said was believed. My child now lives with his dad, which trust me, is not a safe environment but without evidence, I am now without my child.

Report this, PLEASE. You need to keep both you and your child safe from him and his vile mother

[SlidDownTheElephantsTrunk]

I hope you manage to get away from him soon OP. Tell your family what has been going in so they can support you.

Changing the locks is really easy - you could do it yourself. Please involve the police, this man is dangerous.

[Looubylou]

I've only read as far as you considering contact with the man from your past. Please forget men at the moment. He is a "used to be close to" for a reason. You are vulnerable. You have a family, you don't need a man. You need to focus on your son who is being emotionally abused. He needs to be your absolute priority. Forget men- even the nicest will be a distraction from sorting out your child's life.

[SaddenedByItAll]

Nobody deserves to live even one second of their life in fear of being abused again.
Go straight to 999 and dont play down the seriousness of what's happened or what may happen in the future.

You have my sympathies OP and I hope everything starts working out OK for you

[Daisydolly1986]

My last post missed some info!

No wonder your partner acts how he does if he has a mother who protects and justifies his vile behaviour.

Be a good example to your child. Show your child it is not acceptable to be an abusive f*. Nor is it acceptable to be on the receiving end of abuse.

Behaviour like this is learned behaviour, you can stop this for your child.

And goodness sake, don't be involving other men in this mess!

[Justilou1]

@NoLongerADoormat - please don’t get involved with another bloke for a very long time.
Get rid of this one first. Do the Freedom Program. Make sure you feel confident and secure in yourself and that you don’t NEED anyone or want to be rescued. Arsehole men can sense vulnerable women like sharks can detect a drop of blood in the ocean. You don’t have a good radar at the moment.

[girlmom21]

If you involve the police you have a much better chance of protecting your baby from him.

Ask your family for help. You have no reason to feel ashamed.

Get the locks changed as planned today and ask the police to be there when he's due home x

[Comedycook]

Forget another man for now

Contact the police and tell them everything.

It will be easier to protect your baby and yourself from him if the dv has been recorded.

As for not calling the police because he will attack you when he sees them? He's already attacking you... and if he does attempt to attack you, the police will be there to protect you and arrest him

[Tistheseason17]

If your LA can move you - do it.
Then you won't have to worry about him breaking in.
Police, LA, Women's Aid, tell your family and friends as they are all still there and have likely been waiting for you to make contact - and take care, stay safe

[PlonkyWillyWonky]

Nothing to add but a hand hold

[SquareYellow]

Huge well done for realising. Let your family know you’ve realised and want their help. Someone in real life knowing means you’re safer. Absolutely change the locks and take the advice of women’s aid and let the police know, tell the Gp nurse as well that’s a good plan to start asking for help.

[TatianaBis]

You can get emergency injunction for free from the National Centre for Domestic Violence 0800 970 2070

To apply for an emergency non-molestation order you need recent violence or threat of violence (usually means within the last week but that can be extended).

For that you need a police report. So report to the police today, the ring the NCDV and they will sort out the application for you.

[bigbaggyeyes]

If you contact the police they will be able to protect you. Also, and as important you will be able to document ALL abuse from there on in. Which can be taken into account with regards to withholding access to your child. If you don't report it, it's simply your word against his.

He's already been physically abusive towards you, get the police involved and you have some form of protection

[DGFB]

If you involve the police they will have it on record which will mean you at least start getting some protection for you and your son

[Adelais]

You need to get the abuse documented in case he tries to get unsupervised access to your child. Call the police, do it from out the house so you’re safe.

[beastlyslumber]

Don't kill him.

You need to call the police, OP. It's important to make sure you are doing this right. They will look at this when it comes to the care of your child and it will show you are doing the right thing to protect DC.

It also sounds like you need their help to actually get him out.

I agree, calling Women's Aid is a good idea too.

[Sunshinegirl82]

You can also seek help via your Health Visitor if you think you could speak to them without arousing suspicion?

[Itsnotallaboutyoubaby]

You need to tell the police really so that you can get support and it’s on record that he’s violent. Call women’s aid. Tell your family the truth. Change the locks.

[Mulhollandmagoo]

You need to report him, as it will help you when it comes to contact arrangements for your son. You say you don't want him to have unsupervised contact, but without a police conviction, he will quite likely get unsupervised contact - if its on record it will go against him. Do it for your son, so he is safe, who cares if he makes a scene, if anything it will strengthen your case

Hope today goes ok OP, you can do this - first step towards your incredible new life

[Lilymossflower]

If your in the UK you can get a 'non-molestation order'

What it means is that he is forbidden by law to come to your house, follow you, talk to you, anything like that.

If you call the police they can give you a yellow card with the relevant number on it to call.
You have to apply within a certain timeframe of the last time he was abusive to you.

Link with your local women's aid as well. When I went through this, I was given a woman from there who came to court with me and helped with everything.