I hate my DP. Finally.

[NoLongerADoormat]

It has happened. 3 years of financial abuse, isolation, shit self esteem and blows to the head I have realised I fucking hate my partner.

I don't actually know where to go from here. He punched me in the head on Monday then got his mum on the phone to tell me how nasty I am for carrying on an argument. He's in my house and every time I tell him to leave he says he's staying here for his son. I've waited ages for my house, it's council and I can't afford private especially not in this area.

What do I do. I don't want this waste of air in my house or in my life.

[Cherrysoup]

@NoLongerADoormat

No just my name on the house thankfully. I was considering when he goes to work tomorrow phoning the council to do a lock change and just dumping his stuff on the street

Do it, there’s nothing he can do. If he tries to get in again, phone the police and tell them you’re a single woman and scared of your violent ex who is trying to get in YOUR house. He has no right to be there. Do not backtrack.

[Cherrysoup]

PS police may be unable to remove him from inside the house, it’s not black and white. Best to change locks once he’s out.

[CleopatrasBeautifulNose]

You need back up for this. I know someone who has been left epileptic from partners abuse hitting her round the head. Tell the police you need help to get him out they know turning up can be a trigger so they should be able to time it with you getting his stuff out and changing the locks to keep him out, but don't try to do this alone.

[NicLondon1]

Yes PLEASE have the police on standby to help you!
They will know to arrive very discreetly and are experts at dealing with domestic violence. They will protect you, and having the police report will be incredibly important if he fights you in court for access. It may also put him off further harassing you once he's gone.

[NoLongerADoormat]

So I can call them and have them ready to be there for around the time he gets back?

[NoLongerADoormat]

I'm so embarrassed to come out about this. No one knows I've been abused. When I met him I was really put together. I haven't had my haircut in 3 years, I've gone from a 14 to a 6 since having my son and my clothes are so cheap and scruffy. I look like shit to the point my family have asked me if I am on drugs, I've told everyone I'm in debt and struggling to pay it off. I wish I could tell the truth, I wish I had a time machine to take me and my baby back to before I met that scumbag.

In 3 years I have never had a birthday card, a Christmas card, a date, even so much as a small chocolate bar. I've had nothing but abuse, put downs and demands for money that I have stupidly given him. Why couldn't I just tell the truth.

[CheshireChat]

Without reporting it to the police, you may also struggle to get a non mol sadly.

Also, you can use it to negotiate supervised visits or similar for your son so reporting will definitely work in your favour.

[Closetbeanmuncher]

Please make sure you follow through with getting rid of him.

No just my name on the house thankfully. I was considering when he goes to work tomorrow phoning the council to do a lock change and just dumping his stuff on the street

Do this and if he kicks off call the police and say you're worried for yours and your child's safety.

[FortunesFave]

Phone Women's Aid OP....they know ALL about this sort of situation and will give you advice people on here might not think about.

They will support you afterwards too. You're probably not going to be able to avoid some sort of fallout/tantrum from him but it's YOUR house....you take it back.

Fucking arsehole. I wish I could have a word to him. Punching you in the head!

[Cruiser123]

Could you wait outside the house when the police arrives so that he has no chance to attack you?

I'm very sorry you're going through this, you deserve better xx

I can't believe he's punching your head, what a prick 😡

I'm glad you're angry at him, angry enough to leave him and give a better life to your little baby xx

[FortunesFave]

Also, you have to do this for the safety of your son. Report the punch to the police. Have the fucker arrested then they will support you in keeping him away.

[missymousey]

Oh love, he is awful. You have nothing to be ashamed of. . Well done for deciding to finally get rid. Yes speak to the police and to the nurse, and to your health visitor and women's aid. You need to report the violence to the police and they can discuss how they can help without putting you in more danger.

Do you have family or friends who can be there for you?

[AdoraBell]

You should call the police. Definitely tell the nurse about the abuse on Tuesday. Also, tell your family about the abuse. They need to know you need support.

[NoLongerADoormat]

I have an amazing family. Not any friends at the moment but I will be explaining my absence to all of them.

I just don't even know what the procedure would be for him for this behaviour I'm so naive. Would he go to prison? Or would he be bailed and then free to roam and attack me for "grassing him up"

[Mamanyt]

Definitely call Women's Aid. Lay it ALL out, including the physical abuse. They can help you plan a safe exit strategy from the situation. I get that it is embarrassing, "I can't believe I fell for this for so long," but you are in excellent company. NONE of us who put up with it feel any differently. We tend to forget that we were selected and groomed for this very carefully by master manipulators. Please think about therapy, once you are out and safe. You'll thank yourself for it later.

[ScatteredMama82]

I get that you feel ashamed to admit it but you really have no reason to feel that way. He is the one in the wrong and anyone who deserves to be in your life will support you as soon as you tell them what is going on. You are scared of him and rightly so, for that reason you need to involve the police. For your sake and that of your child, you need to get this man out of your home. Stay strong, hang onto that anger xx

[Livpool]

Phone the police - just easier to get a non-molestation surely

[lydia2021]

He will not manage to evade police. They take DV very seriously now. He will not be able to stay in house where kids are. You need to protect yourself and your baby. In your situation i would change the locks then go. Let police remove him. Nothing is worse than a partner, Male or female behaving like this. Protect yourself and baby. Do it now. Partner is a monster

[NoLongerADoormat]

I'm going to phone women's aid in the morning and see if they can help me devise a master plan.

You will all probably think I'm horrible for saying this but I can't help but think how my life would be so much easier if he just died.

[katslaterqueen]

Keep us updated OP, you are stronger than you realise for you and your baby xxx

[FlorestanAndEusebius]

I don't think anyone would say you're horrible - you just want to be free. But please recognise how brave you are for taking the first steps towards freedom in deciding you want him out of your life. Sending lots of good wishes to you and your son.

[StressyWoman]

The council will help you, wether that’s changing the locks, putting you in touch with domestic violence help or looking to move you. If you are set against calling the police tonight I would wait until he leaves tomorrow then contact the council and police to make a plan.

[NoLongerADoormat]

Our son hates him anyway, he never goes near him, he doesn't ever want to play with him or even take food from him. If he needs anything he wants his mummy. And that pig resents me for it, even told me not to pick him up when he cries.

[BlackeyedSusan]

occupation order?

(vague memories of this being an option)

[Chainson]

@NoLongerADoormat

No just my name on the house thankfully. I was considering when he goes to work tomorrow phoning the council to do a lock change and just dumping his stuff on the street

If he's going to work tomorrow then coming back after you'd be far safer calling the police the moment he leaves, telling them you've been beaten and he won't leave rather than changing the locks and dumping his stuff which would only potentially cause a bigger scene when he realises what has happened and you have to call for help anyway. Explain you have a baby and he's been violent and you need help.
It is embarrassing, humiliating to tell people what has been going on but only from your perspective and from experience, only until you start telling. Once you do you often find people suspected, wondered, or are surprised but helpful. You have a home you can stay in for now at least and you can call the police (on the 999 number) and then call Women's Aid also. Please don't do anything without a backup, escalation is a concern if you kick him out with no plan.