I hate my DP. Finally.

[NoLongerADoormat]

It has happened. 3 years of financial abuse, isolation, shit self esteem and blows to the head I have realised I fucking hate my partner.

I don't actually know where to go from here. He punched me in the head on Monday then got his mum on the phone to tell me how nasty I am for carrying on an argument. He's in my house and every time I tell him to leave he says he's staying here for his son. I've waited ages for my house, it's council and I can't afford private especially not in this area.

What do I do. I don't want this waste of air in my house or in my life.

[TheSquashyHatOfMrGnosspelius]

Your life will be so much easier if you call the police.

Do it for the sake of your child.

[ivykaty44]

Get the police involved and get him forcably removed from the house, if he kicks off with the police you'll have a load of evidence (though bullies usually are cowards)

get the locks changed and let him go through the courts for access

[Whydidimarryhim]

Hi Op I’m sorry you are going through this and for what you have experienced with this abuser.
For these type of men the police are the only way.
You can go to the police station and make a report - I did - then I left till he was asked to come in for questioning.
They then kept him in the cell overnight till court in the morning.
He was issued with a restraining order and not to approach me or be any where near my house.
It then went to court - I obtained a restraining order which is for ever.
Gather your things - go to your parents - go to the police station and report him.
He absolutely deserves all that is to come.
He’s a low life abusive turd.
💐

[ivykaty44]

what you don't want is to not have protected yourself and your child from this.

Others can only advise you but you know deep down your scared to get the police involved as you think they will belittle ou that it isn't much - it is a big dal and you need to report it

[ivykaty44]

Hi Op I’m sorry you are going through this and for what you have experienced with this abuser.
For these type of men the police are the only way.
You can go to the police station and make a report - I did - then I left till he was asked to come in for questioning.
They then kept him in the cell overnight till court in the morning.
He was issued with a restraining order and not to approach me or be any where near my house.
It then went to court - I obtained a restraining order which is for ever.
Gather your things - go to your parents - go to the police station and report him.
He absolutely deserves all that is to come.
He’s a low life abusive turd

do this ^^^^^^^^^^^^

[PersonaNonGarter]

Please involve the police.

[minipie]

Hi OP, thinking of you this morning. Hope
the night went ok. Do you have a plan for when he has gone to work?

[Starrynight468]

OP contact NextLink and make a plan to leave. You need support from professionals to exit this relationship safely.

[timesachangin]

Calling the police will put a referral in to social services. This sounds scary but it will hold you accountable for not allowing him back. It shows you've taken every step to protect yourself and your baby.

Not calling the police and changing locks etc.... won't get just wait for you to leave the house and attack you? With nothing logged with police the question will be raised - what did she do to protect her baby.

Even if he's never hurt the child, abuse towards you is seen as a risk to any children you have so you do have to do things by the book.

I've been there and I've tried to manage it myself and avoid police and I wish I'd got them involved from the start.

I would wait until he's out and call the police. Report the assault(s) and ask for them to be there with you when he's due to return. Locks changed, his stuff gone.

Is there someone you can ask to escort you to your car the first few times you need to go out there after?

[timesachangin]

@NoLongerADoormat

I'm going to phone women's aid in the morning and see if they can help me devise a master plan.

You will all probably think I'm horrible for saying this but I can't help but think how my life would be so much easier if he just died.

And yes WA is a fantastic plan. They will help you x

[cricketmum84]

OP I'm so glad that you hate him this much. That's a good thing! You also sound very strong and resolute so you know you can get this fucker out of your house.

Report the attacks to the police while he is at work today. Contact womens aid (I know I'm just repeating everyone else's advice but I'm hoping the more you see this repeated the more you will see this is what you need to do)

Get the spineless, gutless bastard out of both your lives. Your little one needs to come first and not reporting abuse will not go down well with SS.

You WILL get through this and you WILL get rid of him!

[PineNutsAreOverpriced]

Good plan to call women’s aid OP.

You need a safety plan from someone who is trained to support victims of domestic violence.

It is easy for posters to say “call the police” and, on the face of it, would seem like the correct solution - but the priority is keeping you and your son safe right now and planning the safest way for you to end this relationship. The planning stage is important too, and you will need the ongoing support in case you decide you are not totally ready yet (and there is no shame in that if you change your mind, no-one will tell you what you have to do or try to force you to call the police or leave, they will just focus on a plan to keep you as safe as possible in the situation to are currently in).

If you are given a case worker from a women’s charity then that person will be able to give evidence that will help you to access legal aid if you need it in future (and you probably will)

Good luck

[bearlyactive]

You've got this, OP.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

Phone the police, you need a record for when it come to contact with your son.

[froggybiby]

Please please please do call the police no one on here wants anything worse to happen to you. You can do this xx Lots of love.

[AbstractEim]

Tell your family, tell the police and housing, they can arrange to be there when locks are changed. Police can warn him off too and start the process of non-mol. Block his mum’s phone number. Good luck op, this can be the first day of your new life

[Aposterhasnoname]

@NoLongerADoormat

My son is 8 months old.
I'm not making anything complicated at all I don't want the police here when I know full well how he's gonna react itll either me attack me the second he sees the car pull up outside or make a scene.

Both those options will result in him being arrested and therefore out of the house. Call the police. Do it when he’s asleep if necessary, but do it.

[mumsiedarlingrevolta]

Just wanted to add luck and strength from me!!

[FelicityPike]

Good luck!

[NorthernBirdAtHeart]

Thinking of you OP, you can do this!

[Clarice99]

How are you feeling this morning @NoLongerADoormat

I hope that you're still focused on ending the relationship with this abusive monster.

Please start to tell people what you are being subjected to. Expose this abusive bastard and do not hold back.

Tell your family and ask for support.
Tell your GP/practice nurse as they can signpost to DV services and they can provide you with support in doing so.
Call the police - this is a MUST.
Contact Women's Aid
Contact your local council. As you are the named tenant, you have a right to remain in your home. All LA's have domestic violence policies and some council's have a Sanctuary Scheme in place to enable DV survivors to remain safe in their current home, safety measures are put in place etc
www.gov.uk/government/publications/sanctuary-schemes-for-households-at-risk-of-domestic-violence-guide-for-agencies

Google 'Sanctuary Scheme and the name of your local authority' for up to date info.

Taking that first step to get out of such a destructive relationship is so hard, but so vital to ensure the safety of yourself and your child. You are worth so much more.

[Stormyequine]

I really think you need to involve the police. Ending a relationship with a violent man is dangerous, and they need to be involved to keep you safe. They will also be able to refer you to organisations that can help and support you. Life will be so much better when it is just you and your DS!

[Fundays12]

Please OP do phone the police and get there help. They can protect you and also ensure you have evidence as to why he can't have unsupervised access to your son if he tries.

[MrsElijahMikaelson1]

[Embroidery]

Changing a lock is easy enough. Buy the middle bit (called a cylinder) from amazon. Costs less than £10. If its a wooden door its even easier.

Good luck x