I hate my DP. Finally.

[NoLongerADoormat]

It has happened. 3 years of financial abuse, isolation, shit self esteem and blows to the head I have realised I fucking hate my partner.

I don't actually know where to go from here. He punched me in the head on Monday then got his mum on the phone to tell me how nasty I am for carrying on an argument. He's in my house and every time I tell him to leave he says he's staying here for his son. I've waited ages for my house, it's council and I can't afford private especially not in this area.

What do I do. I don't want this waste of air in my house or in my life.

[NicLondon1]

Well done! Hope you're still doing well and getting all the support you need. You're over the hardest part, bravo!

[AdoraBell]

Well done NoLongerADormat and hooray for your fantastic Mum. 💐🏅for her.

[TatianaBis]

@NoLongerADoormat

I told my mum everything. She phoned the police. I told them I don't want charges pressing I just want him out of my house and my life. He left. Contacting a solicitor tomorrow re non mol. I don't know how I feel. Relieved

As I wrote previously in the thread. If you have a recent police report of violence or threat of violence you don't need to pay a solicitor, you can get an emergency non-mol for free via the National Centre for Domestic Violence and Abuse (NCDV)

0800 970 2070.

[Borderterrierpuppy]

Well done op, you and your mum are awesome.
Second doing the freedom programme xxxx

[mathanxiety]

CloseYourEyesAndSee

Please please give them a statement and support prosecution
It will help you so much in the long run if you have every bit of evidence possible of his DV
You don't want to get to court and he downplays it and gets awarded contact because 'it can't have been that bad if I was never arrested or charged'
Plus you can get a restraining order if he is convicted rather than just a non mol

THIS ^^

Please go to the police and make a statement.

Did you go to your doctor today? Did you talk to your doctor about what has been going on?

[tolerable]

OP- i get goosebumps on top of goosebumps,that tuummy knot,forgetting to breath out- you deserve to be allowed to live.your mum is brilliant.you are too.
let yourself be led if needs be(temporary).that was NOT your story.happy new life x

[Hen2018]

Gah, I read every page except the last one!

Glad to see your update. The paper trail advice still stands and write down incidents with dates (as close as you can remember).

[Hen2018]

You need a paper trail. You need evidence to get legal aid (for residency) and for a non-mol.

Phone the police and ask for advice. Email Women’s Aid so there is more evidence for you to print out. Tell the nurse and it’ll be in your records there too.

[layladomino]

Well done, and well done to your mum!!

Be very careful that he doesn't wheedle his way back in - as others have said that will just be so he doesn't get in trouble and so he doesn't lose his easy life with you. He feels the need to be all powerful and to control you, and he will do and say anything now to get you back in line. Resist. Remember all you've told us here. Remember how hard it was to take that step. Remember you are doing this for your DC as well as for you. Onwards and upwards.

Please get what he's done officially on the record - ideally with Police. If and when he applies for joint custody you need to be able to defend it, to keep your son safe. If there is no record of his abuse then you will struggle to fight it.

And please do the Freedom programme so you can avoid getting in to a relationship like this again. Don't get involved with any other men until you are in a much better and stronger place.

[Idiotathome79]

I had similar issues , and I reached out to my child's school who helped me , we got social services involved and they got my husband to leave . Might seem a bit extreme but I was so stuck and after 25 years of abuse it seemed my only way forward .

[Closetbeanmuncher]

Thank God he's out of there. Have you spoken to the council to change the locks?

Stay resolute OP, anytime you feel like having him back remember what he's done to you.

[ManifestingJoy]

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

Please please give them a statement and support prosecution
It will help you so much in the long run if you have every bit of evidence possible of his DV
You don't want to get to court and he downplays it and gets awarded contact because 'it can't have been that bad if I was never arrested or charged'
Plus you can get a restraining order if he is convicted rather than just a non mol
Also he's an absolute bastard who deserves it.

It will help you later. It will.

I wish I hadn't protected him for fear of making him angry.

Later, I had the distance to understand, if he's angry, so be it. But it was too late then, his smarmy solicitor was insinuating that I was the one manipulating the justice system making up stories about abuse.

[ManifestingJoy]

Also, it will be a good idea to have it on record, what you've been through. The GP won't ''press charges'' but if he is abusing you later through the courts, a letter from your solicitor to his solicitor to let him know that the gp has a full record of your injuries ................ could de-escalate his future attempts to control you.

I don't want to be another person telling you what to do but with these abusers, if you don't ''put it out there'' now then if you try to bring it up later it will be insinuated that you're lying and/or trying to manipulate the court system when the opposite is true.

x

[CloseYourEyesAndSee]

Please please give them a statement and support prosecution
It will help you so much in the long run if you have every bit of evidence possible of his DV
You don't want to get to court and he downplays it and gets awarded contact because 'it can't have been that bad if I was never arrested or charged'
Plus you can get a restraining order if he is convicted rather than just a non mol
Also he's an absolute bastard who deserves it.

[ManifestingJoy]

@NoLongerADoormat

The head hit isn't an isolated incident. I've often took a beating round the head from him. I do actually have a GP appointment on Tuesday for my smear so I am planning on mentioning it to the nurse.

Talk to them about what you've been through. I did. Like you, the worst was behind me when I finally told the truth to the health visitor (baby nurse?) but they were so kind. It was so weird to receive kindness.

xxx

[Marjoriedrawers]

@NoLongerADoormat

It has happened. 3 years of financial abuse, isolation, shit self esteem and blows to the head I have realised I fucking hate my partner.

I don't actually know where to go from here. He punched me in the head on Monday then got his mum on the phone to tell me how nasty I am for carrying on an argument. He's in my house and every time I tell him to leave he says he's staying here for his son. I've waited ages for my house, it's council and I can't afford private especially not in this area.

What do I do. I don't want this waste of air in my house or in my life.

You call the police and tell them you've been assaulted and want him removed from the house.

[MrsElijahMikaelson1]

.to your mum!

[Tossblanket]

Call police, make allegation of assault.

With any luck he'll resist arrest and get his teeth knocked out.

[Clarice99]

Great news that your mum stepped in and called the police.

Stay strong OP. Your life (and your son's) will be so much better without that abusive bastard in it.

[Weenurse]

Well done, 💐for your Mum

[ChaToilLeam]

Good for you @NoLongerADoormat!! And yay for your mum. Stay strong and don’t give in to any wheedling, you’ve got your life back. ❤️

[JaniceBing]

Well done!!! You've done amazing :)

[ManifestingJoy]

Watch meredith miller on youtube "inner integration" about hoovering.
She has so many helpful videos.

Well done op

[LoislovesStewie]

Just read your update. Well done! I knew you could do it and you have. Wishing you a peaceful and happy future.

[Mamanyt]

Good. And, as mentioned above, BEWARE THE LOVE BOMBING! He's going to try to win you back. They all do. Well, except for my ex, who was convinced I meant it after I knocked him unconscious with a cast iron skillet while he tried to choke my elder son. That was pretty definite. But almost all of them do.

Change your number, change your locks. Be cautious when leaving and arriving at home. There are apps out there that will dial emergency services and start audio recording with one touch, or there are in the USA. Explore this. These next few weeks are the most dangerous ones, but things DO get better.