Problems in bed made my OH obsessed with my past

[JLA19801]

Apologies for the personal nature of this - it’s a bit of a tough subject for me to talk about but I’m driving myself crazy!

My OH and I have a big issue in our relationship owing to the fact that I am unable to climax via penetration only. I have tried explaining to my OH that I have always had this problem, and in fact has led to years of disinterest in sex for me in the past.

My OH however thinks that I am lying and says that the reason why I have this problem is because of my past (the number and size of men I have slept with). To be clear, I wasn’t a virgin when I met him but I don’t have a significant past and this is all in his head. He has gone so far as scouring through my Facebook and seeing that I used to go out with friends and on holidays to say that I’m lying to him, and that he thinks that’s evidence that I used to be a ‘slut’ (his words) and that’s why I can’t now come through penetration alone with him.

It’s become a massive all consuming issue now - he then drinks and calls me all the names under the sun, is scouring through my past which is irrelevant to me as it didn’t cause my problems now. If I say he is being selfish he turns it on me and suggests I have something to hide!

I feel like I’m going crazy! I shouldn’t have to justify myself in this way….or should I? It’s important to me that he knows I want him and desire him, but I also can’t change the way my body is and he is so wrapped up in how he feels about it, he won’t try what’s needed to make things improve!!!

Any advice? Tia

Oh blimey Op. Not climaxing through penetrative sex is not a 'problem'. It is very common and really not a problem. It isn't something that previousl bf have had to 'work around' - that's a strange way of looking at it.

Most women don't climax that way. So please get that idea out of your head.

However - your partner is abusive, controlling, unbalanced, mysogenistic, uncaring, doesn't believe you, judgemental... the list goes on. Why on earth would you WANT to have sex with him? Just reading about him told me he is vile and very unappealing.

He has no idea about women. He thinks he knows you / women better than you know yourself. He is abusive.

You will be 1000 times happier without this man. You will feel relief that you can be yourself and live in a calm, happy house. Your children will benefit from that. Children are much better off living in a happy, calm, loving, respectful single parent home than in a home with parents who are in an unhealthy relationship.

Please don't use your DC as the excuse not to leave. They won't thank you for it when they're older.

My OH and I have a big issue in our relationship owing to the fact that I am unable to climax via penetration only. I have tried explaining to my OH that I have always had this problem, and in fact has led to years of disinterest in sex for me in the past.

1. Not climaxing through penetration is completely normal for women.

1. This shouldn't be a big issue in your relationship - it's simply biology!

1. Any normal man would stimulate you in other ways to make you climax. This would not be an issue for a normal man.

1. Not being a virgin when entering a relationship is completely normal for anyone who is not a teen. This shouldn't be an issue for a normal man.

1. Your partner should never ever call you names. They should never ever shame you for your past sexual history. It's unacceptable behaviour.

I think you need to leave. I'm sorry OP.

He’s nasty, abusive and unhinged OP & I think you know that. Also he’s really stupid - even if he did miss a few biology lessons in school it wouldn’t take much to google and work out that’s not how vaginas work! However as multiple pp’s have pointed out that (non)issue is the least of your problems.

You say It’ll tear them apart for me and their dad to separate & even if that is the case (& you’d probably be surprised by how resilient they are) then the damage that will be done by living in a toxic environment with a batshit, abusive father will be far worse. Please listen and find the strength to leave OP

@SleepingBunnies21

Red pullers are also borderline obsessed with a small study that found that found the more partners a woman had, the more likely she is to end up.divorced (if she marries obviously); so they're fixated on finding women who've had no or next to no partners (in many cases women who.lie well, I'd imagine).

The significant thing about this for me is that the study included men, and came to the same conclusion re men (more partners, more likelihood of divorce if marry) but they never ever ever refer to that part, ever.

Says it all, really.

They're also prone to some cracks pot, based on no real science (or on misinterpreted science) that every man a woman has sex with leaves some kind of dna footprint in her body).

It's all stuff that supports a sort of fundamental Islamic approach to women's sexuslity and bodies, while men's sexusl experience and behaviour is, of course, unscrutinised, irrelevant and unfettered.

If someone thinks that way, or comes to think that way, I doubt they're ever going to change.

this is horrifying ... just awful

this is horrifying ... just awful

Red pill, motown, incel would be laughable if they weren't so disturbingly misogynistic. I've come to the conclusion that the only "relationship" anybody them could have would be with a sex robot like in AI. Unfortunately they'd still believe half the population has no equal human rights to them.

They genuinely believe that feminism has turned the world mad and that men are now victimised is every aspect of life and the law.

I haven't even outlined a portion of their beliefs abd agenda in that post.

*mgtow

I should add the whole feminisation has made men victims etc etc is only seen by them.as being the issue in "Western" countries so they also (in addition to the find a virgin or as close to a virgin as possible, they advocate marrying non western or westernised women who aren't "ruined").

He will only get worse.

To put it in context, I also do not orgasm via penetration only. It just doesn’t do ’it’ for me. So my DH … pursues other options for ensuring I enjoy myself. He does not call me a slut, try to control my friendships and contact, or buy into incel conspiracy theories.

If you stay with this man, not only will he treat you poorly, but your kids will also learn to do so. You’ll also never enjoy your own sex life because he’s clearly not up to thinking of anyone but himself.

RUN.

My god I had never heard of this " red pill" thinking
Just googled it and wish I hadn't bothered
Horrific , how do these people actually manage to function in society with this crack pot doofuckinglally ideology

@thesearelaughterlines

My god I had never heard of this " red pill" thinking Just googled it and wish I hadn't bothered Horrific , how do these people actually manage to function in society with this crack pot doofuckinglally ideology

me either...

its appalling and really frightening

how do these people actually manage to function in society with this crack pot doofuckinglally ideology

They know it won't go down well in public or mixed company so they mostly keep their opinions and theories to forums etc where its an echo chamber of misogyny. If they think men might be sympathetic they'll talk about it with men.

There was a poster on here recently whose brother sounded like a red piller, he was open about women over 35 falling off a cliff looks wise (in his opinion) and aboit never accepting being told what to do by a woman. He had gotten engaged to a much younger woman and the op was posting about that.

@SleepingBunnies21 @QueenBee52
Very frightening indeed

There have also been young women posting about their boyfriends, using red pill terminology like "beta" etc.