Problems in bed made my OH obsessed with my past

[JLA19801]

Apologies for the personal nature of this - it’s a bit of a tough subject for me to talk about but I’m driving myself crazy!

My OH and I have a big issue in our relationship owing to the fact that I am unable to climax via penetration only. I have tried explaining to my OH that I have always had this problem, and in fact has led to years of disinterest in sex for me in the past.

My OH however thinks that I am lying and says that the reason why I have this problem is because of my past (the number and size of men I have slept with). To be clear, I wasn’t a virgin when I met him but I don’t have a significant past and this is all in his head. He has gone so far as scouring through my Facebook and seeing that I used to go out with friends and on holidays to say that I’m lying to him, and that he thinks that’s evidence that I used to be a ‘slut’ (his words) and that’s why I can’t now come through penetration alone with him.

It’s become a massive all consuming issue now - he then drinks and calls me all the names under the sun, is scouring through my past which is irrelevant to me as it didn’t cause my problems now. If I say he is being selfish he turns it on me and suggests I have something to hide!

I feel like I’m going crazy! I shouldn’t have to justify myself in this way….or should I? It’s important to me that he knows I want him and desire him, but I also can’t change the way my body is and he is so wrapped up in how he feels about it, he won’t try what’s needed to make things improve!!!

Any advice? Tia

You’re in the majority of women.

He’s an absolute twat.

LEAVE THIS PIG.

Easy fix this.

Leave with abusive idiot.

His ignorance of women should not be your problem. He's a cock. LTB.

If he bothered to look it up he would realise that a large percentage of woman cannot climax with just PIV

Leave him because he is abusive.

Only about 20% of women can orgasm with penetration alone, so there's nothing unusual about you.

But that's beside the point, because it isn't really about that - it's just a handy stick to beat you with. Because he wants to break you down and he gets something out of abusing you. The alcohol is an excuse to abuse you.

End the relationship.

@LaBellina

You’re completely normal and he’s an abusive unhinged twat. LTB

This. A million times this.

He doesn't ACTUALLY believe you have some extreme sexual history. He just wants you to believe he believes it.

Abusers get you stuck in merry go rounds of 'prove your: innocence, loyalty, honesty, purity, live fir me, belief in me, goodness'. Whichever one works best to shame you or keep you looking inwards instead of at their shit.

He is an abuser. He knows what he is doing. It u deliberate and he means you harm.

Oh and BTW, the vast majority of women cannot organ via penetrative sex alone. He knows thus too. He just doesn't want to do the foreplay. Abs he wants to shame you so that you think it acceptable for him to skip it.

Dump him - he's a weird idiot.

It’s important to me that he knows I want him and desire him,
Why OP?
What could possibly be desirable about this controlling, abusuve bully?
Why do you want someone who treats you in this horrible way?

Missed the "slut" bit. Just fuck him off right now.

This is sexual abuse on his part.

Seriously bad.

Seek the support you need to leave him

This isn't normal behaviour from him op.

It's totally normal to not be able to orgasm through sex alone, in fact it's very normal and common and most men would know and know and be fine with this.

I think you need to get rid. Has he got much experience with girls because if he had he would know it was normal ?!

I am the exact same btw.

I had an ex who was similar. He just thought sex would make me orgasm, which it didn't but apparently I wasn't normal! Made me feel bad about it. I reckon he must of been with girls who faked it 😅

Thankfully Dp is very understanding and reassured me it was normal for most people, reassured me and that's that. We've been together 9 years.never happened once through sex alone but our sex life is pretty good!

Get rid.

The best advice is to leave.

He thinks your a slag and have been ridden harder than Red Rum. He’s not going to change that belief either so you can never, ever win. He’s basically saying that your vaginas been stretched through overuse and has lost sensation.

He will never let it go, no matter what you say or do, how many times you say it. He’s not going to suddenly say “well, I thought you were the local slag but if you put it like that I can see that I’m wrong”. That’s not going to happen.

What have I just read?! I agree with everyone else. Serious red flags here. LTB

“OP, what are your own beliefs about sex? As lots of PPs have said, it's not a problem for a woman not to be able to climax from penetration alone, it's completely normal (it's unusual, in fact, for a woman to be able to do so!). Where did you learn about sex?

Have you ever had a partner who was any good in bed? From what you've written above it sounds like you've only been with men who are rubbish at sex, there are plenty of ways to enjoy an orgasm that aren't penetration but if you've lost interest that suggests you've only been with selfish, porn-obsessed idiots who don't understand the female body.”

This with bells on. It’s widely known that most women don’t orgasm through penetration alone and I think it’s a real shame you didn’t know it. Easy access to crappy, phallocentric porn has done such damage. It makes me wonder if a lot of young women nowadays are just faking orgasm through penetration because they assume they should be able to come that way and young men are failing to learn vital information about female pleasure.

As everyone else has said, you need to get rid.

He’s an abusive, misogynist twat, and really, really stupid with it. Both of which are deal breakers.

Please just get rid.

What everyone else said.

Christ OP, get out now. He's telling you and showing you what kind of a man he is. Listen to him.

And yes it's very common not to be able to orgasm through penetration alone as a woman. His previous partners probably faked it so he would leave them alone.

100% if it wasn't this, he'd have found some other stick to beat you with. It's not you, it's him. He is an abusive dick.

Maybe you can't orgasm now because his dick is so small and thin from shagging loads of women. See how ridiculous that sounds?

OP in all seriousness this is incredibly abusive. He's being really nasty to you and you're so much better off without him. There are men out there who aren't like this and understand that most women don't orgasm with just penetration only.

He sounds like my first boyfriend, a bloke who I literally wouldn’t piss on if I found him on fire. You can’t change someone like that, he obviously doesn’t like you or any women for that matter.

There are some very lovely men out there, I suggest you dump this twat and go and find one.

Has he got a micropenis? Just wondering.

Your "problem" is shared by aboit 75-80% of the female population.

Most women can't climax from.penetratuve sex without clitoral.stimulatoon and some, like myself, can't climax from penetrative sex even with clitoral stimulation

It's absolutely nothing to do with your previous partners, their dicks, nothing.

He sounds stupid, sexust, creepy, abd one of those men with jealousy and insecurity complexes they project onto women.

He needs to read done books abd websites on the subject of wines organs instead of coming up with nasty, crack pot theories and acting like all women climax from penetration; most don't.

Actually I would tell him it's because he has a small dick.
Then Ltb.

Very strange! Out of my large group of female friends I don’t know a single one who has said she orgasms through sex alone. I spent years faking it with exes until I met DH and admitted that no man had ever made me orgasm.