Problems in bed made my OH obsessed with my past

[JLA19801]

Apologies for the personal nature of this - it’s a bit of a tough subject for me to talk about but I’m driving myself crazy!

My OH and I have a big issue in our relationship owing to the fact that I am unable to climax via penetration only. I have tried explaining to my OH that I have always had this problem, and in fact has led to years of disinterest in sex for me in the past.

My OH however thinks that I am lying and says that the reason why I have this problem is because of my past (the number and size of men I have slept with). To be clear, I wasn’t a virgin when I met him but I don’t have a significant past and this is all in his head. He has gone so far as scouring through my Facebook and seeing that I used to go out with friends and on holidays to say that I’m lying to him, and that he thinks that’s evidence that I used to be a ‘slut’ (his words) and that’s why I can’t now come through penetration alone with him.

It’s become a massive all consuming issue now - he then drinks and calls me all the names under the sun, is scouring through my past which is irrelevant to me as it didn’t cause my problems now. If I say he is being selfish he turns it on me and suggests I have something to hide!

I feel like I’m going crazy! I shouldn’t have to justify myself in this way….or should I? It’s important to me that he knows I want him and desire him, but I also can’t change the way my body is and he is so wrapped up in how he feels about it, he won’t try what’s needed to make things improve!!!

Any advice? Tia

I read that the distance between the cliroris and vaginal opening dictates whether a woman can climax from.penetrative sex or not. It's clearly not close enough in the majority of women.

Bur anyway ... I've been inna relationship with shades of this.

There's no winning.

You end up spending half the time defending yourself, explaining justifying, fending off accusations, apologising etc etc. You're always on the defence. Because essentially he's always on the attack, because of his issues.

You won't change him.

This kind of man could find himself his mythical virgin and he's still spend his time accusing, shaming, criticising etc her about stuff because he's a jealous, possessive, insecure, twisted, fucked up wanker who can't treat a partner decently.

You're deep in the fog at the moment but honestly... you're wasting your time. You need to get away from him.

Only read the OP, and hope he is an ex-OH by now.

Crikey, this sounds very unhealthy. Your DP that is. It's a massively common to not be able to.

I agree with others, you need to end it. And quick.

says that the reason why I have this problem is because of my past (the number and size of men I have slept with)

Just as an aside - there are womennwirh kids, who gave birth vaginally, who can climax from penetrative sex, in fact I've read on here from at least one who couldn't do so until after she gave birth (which i thought was weird but envied); so wft us going on with them if his frankly mental, nonsensical woman hating stretched vahina theory has any credence?

What dick stretches a vagina as much as vaginally birth?

By his rationale all virgins and women new to sex would be able to climax from penetrative sex, which is not my experience and clearly not that of many many women. To the contrary mist learn to climax from.sex (usually with clitoral.stimulation) as they get more experience.

And likewise any woman who'd given birth vaginally would now stop being able to.climac from penetrative sex .....

It's head off the wall insane and illogical.

As another poster pointed out - a woman.could have a very low number of partners, one even and if they both had high sex drives and were together longterm, have sex potentially thousands of times; or she could have more partners, but a lot less actual incidents of sex if they were far apart, or short term, oromg distance or whatever.

There is no logic here.

Is he saying all your exes miraculously had large dicks, is that how this is supposed to work? Well, what a skill you have for unknowingly picking giant dicked men; could you share that with us?

It's fkg insane. He's insane, abd the nasty type of insane.

Get rid of him ASAP.

You need to leave him. He is abusive and i really think violence towards you won't be far away if you stay.

"A study published last month in The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that nearly 37 percent of American women required clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm, compared with 18 percent of women who said that vaginal penetration alone was enough to come."
He thinks you're likely to be in that 18%?!? He's insane and I would be seriously put off by his accusations.
www.vice.com/en/article/neepb8/the-science-of-female-pleasure-still-needs-more-attention

Leave him.

Well. I have never met a man who DID NOT KNOW that it takes more than penetrative sex for many woman to orgasm. Literally do not know a single adult male who thinks this??
I’m sorry OP but he sounds extremely unpleasant….if you really, really want to stay with him, I would insist he sees a sex therapist (who will explain female anatomy to him) or, get rid, which would be my preferred option (and I do not say that often!)

He is abusive and blaming you for his inability to satisfy you.
Leave him.

Leave him. Leave him. Leave him.

Would you consider going to therapy once you’re rid of this very abusive man?

@Dancingontheceiling1

Is this for real? OP not come back....

I did wonder. It's why I never give personal details on threads like this.

I’m just joining the ltb chorus
What a knob

I think OP actually left her OH in august but must have gone back since which is so sad but as we know it takes on average 5-7 times for a victim to leave an abusive relationship. He's dictatorial in all aspects of their lives right down to food, from previous threads so this is all going to take her a long while to process.

My OH however thinks that I am lying and says that the reason why I have this problem is because of my past (the number and size of men I have slept with)

Not sure how you can respect a man this ignorant, not to mention insecure and angry! There's no excuse these days - the information is out there and it's common knowledge that most women DON'T orgasm via penetration alone, although I'm sure plenty fake it because they feel lesser somehow or want to save their partner's ego.

@youvegottenminuteslynn

I think OP actually left her OH in august but must have gone back since which is so sad but as we know it takes on average 5-7 times for a victim to leave an abusive relationship. He's dictatorial in all aspects of their lives right down to food, from previous threads so this is all going to take her a long while to process.

Oh goodness!

That's horrific.

I can only cum through tongue and fingers it's not unusual.Id ltb sounds like my ex blaming everyone for his issues

is this a long term relationship? He sounds completely mental and abusive. What is making you stick around and put up with this terrible treatment?

Loads of people can only come via oral/vibrators/hands. What is WRONG with him?! Going through your Facebook?! How long do you plan on putting up with this?

Thank you everyone for your comments.

It’s a tricky situation I’m in. We are still together cos we have kids. Why you ask? This character of his didn’t rear it’s ugly head until after kids came along.

Tonight he asked me to delete my Facebook account. I told him no and he told me that was it - I didn’t have him any more. I feel fine about it.

Some of you have asked about what I thought was normal. I had never been made to feel that I wasn’t normal - it’s always been an issue with me but one which didn’t affect other relationships as previous boyfriends worked around it. I know deep down it’s not my fault but being told constantly that it’s a problem with me, cos is my past, has made me doubt myself.

Thank you everyone for your support

Yes, that’s me. I broke away but was persuaded to return for the sake of the children and on the promise that things would change but things are worse now than before.

We have children so the guilt is what drives me to put up with stuff. It’ll tear them apart for me and their dad to separate

It is not a problem with you. He is abusive. You must start working on a wag to finally leave him, and safely, because he will destroy you and damage your children.

It’ll tear them apart for me and their dad to separate

No it wont.

My ex called me frigid because I can’t come through penetrating, get rid he’s an awful person to say this and people like this are usually crap 9n bed anyway. Hugs.

PUT.HIM.IN.THE.BIN 👏🏻