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Original poster

Problems in bed made my OH obsessed with my past

188 replies

JLA19801 · 26/09/2021 16:24

Apologies for the personal nature of this - it’s a bit of a tough subject for me to talk about but I’m driving myself crazy!

My OH and I have a big issue in our relationship owing to the fact that I am unable to climax via penetration only. I have tried explaining to my OH that I have always had this problem, and in fact has led to years of disinterest in sex for me in the past.

My OH however thinks that I am lying and says that the reason why I have this problem is because of my past (the number and size of men I have slept with). To be clear, I wasn’t a virgin when I met him but I don’t have a significant past and this is all in his head. He has gone so far as scouring through my Facebook and seeing that I used to go out with friends and on holidays to say that I’m lying to him, and that he thinks that’s evidence that I used to be a ‘slut’ (his words) and that’s why I can’t now come through penetration alone with him.

It’s become a massive all consuming issue now - he then drinks and calls me all the names under the sun, is scouring through my past which is irrelevant to me as it didn’t cause my problems now. If I say he is being selfish he turns it on me and suggests I have something to hide!

I feel like I’m going crazy! I shouldn’t have to justify myself in this way….or should I? It’s important to me that he knows I want him and desire him, but I also can’t change the way my body is and he is so wrapped up in how he feels about it, he won’t try what’s needed to make things improve!!!

Any advice? Tia

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 26/09/2021 17:41

@Aquamarine1029

The only advice you need is to leave this man, immediately. He is horrible and abusive. Run for your life.
Totally agree with this.

Many women (and I'm one of them) require more than penetration to climax.

You deserve better than this paranoid, abusive man

Franklyfrost · 26/09/2021 17:41

He sounds insane. Or very very stupid. Either way, get rid.

DameFanny · 26/09/2021 17:43

He's taken his sex education from porn and misogynist websites and he's calling you a list and a slut. You have to leave him. He's not safe, he's not nice, he's a very bad person.

Clarkey86 · 26/09/2021 17:44

It’s totally normal. Loads of women can’t. Do their partners call them sluts and interrogate them? Nope. They find things they do like together.

This isn’t a normal relationship OP. I’m surprised you can go anywhere near the vile man in a sexual nature the way he treats you.

SleepingBunnies21 · 26/09/2021 17:44

*He has gone so far as scouring through my Facebook and seeing that I used to go out with friends and on holidays to say that I’m lying to him, and that he thinks that’s evidence that I used to be a ‘slut’ (his words) and that’s why I can’t now come through penetration alone with him.

It’s become a massive all consuming issue now - he then drinks and calls me all the names under the sun, is scouring through my past which is irrelevant to me as it didn’t cause my problems now*

His apparent ignorance of female anatomy and sexuality is a side issue, not the real issue anyway .... he's a nasty, woman hating, insecure, jealous abuser.

Closetbeanmuncher · 26/09/2021 17:45

How long have you been with this fucking ape?

Think on this..

Why do you think 80% of the sextoys made for women are or include clitotal stimulators?

The only problem you have here is your psychotic misogynist of a boyfriend and his delusions.

This guy is literally a walking red flag and I'm not sure you see it. Wake up OP, this guy is really bad news.

Howareyouflower · 26/09/2021 17:45

Suggest that he stops believing the porn he watches, or the women he has had sex with who routinely fake it, and show him this goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/difference-between-clitoral-and-vaginal-orgasm

Alcemeg · 26/09/2021 17:47

Tell him you'd be fine if he shagged as well as Bob did, or had as big a knob as Bill. Then dump and run.

KaycePollard · 26/09/2021 17:48

My OH and I have a big issue in our relationship owing to the fact that I am unable to climax via penetration only.

You and most women in the world ...

He is showing his sexism and arseholery.

Pinkbonbon · 26/09/2021 17:48

As pp said op, he is a very bad person.
And I think if you listing to your gut, you already know this.

You've just been caught up in his mind trap.
Set yourself free.

Look to get away from him quickly and safely.
No one deserves to be abused.
Your feelings are valid.

SleepingBunnies21 · 26/09/2021 17:48

He also sounds like he's come across
/come under the influence of "red pill" and "mgtow" and "ibcrl" material.

Thry have these "beliefs" about women including the one about women going on holiday to fuck around ... apparently thats the prime reason we go on holiday or travel. That's also the only reason we go out to a bar etc.

A lot if what you've said, I've seen on those forums.

When they go down the red pill rabbit hole, there's no saving them. But they don't usually go down that hole without being imbibed to be that type of man in the first place.

Howareyouflower · 26/09/2021 17:49

And dump him after suggesting he should learn to be a better lover. What is there to love about this abusive twat?

Summerfun54321 · 26/09/2021 17:49

I wouldn’t even call not being able to climax through penetration alone a “problem”. His expectations and his attitude are all wrong. Agree he’s been watching too much porn and he sounds nasty.

SleepingBunnies21 · 26/09/2021 17:49
  • Inclined to
SoWhat00 · 26/09/2021 17:49

Omg RUN.

Not being able to climax from penetration only is very common for a woman. The guy sounds so unhinged his misogyny is showing. Please leave why subject yourself to that nonsense?!

crumpet · 26/09/2021 17:52

I know it’s been said already, but the majority of women can’t orgasm via penetration alone. And there is nothing wrong with that. He needs to go away and learn about this and then apologise profusely. Whether you are interested is staying with someone like this rather than kicking him to the kerb is for you to decide. But he sounds like a tool.

knittingaddict · 26/09/2021 17:52

He's abusive. That's all you need to know really.

He must have had lots of previous girlfriends who faked an orgasm. I think lots of women would struggle to have an orgasm with just vaginal sex and no foreplay.

Dashinghaberdashery · 26/09/2021 17:53

It's a problem that there are men who don't get, or don't want to get, that most women need direct clitorical stimulation to come instead of indirectly through penetration.

Dancingontheceiling1 · 26/09/2021 17:53

Is this for real? OP not come back....

MissMaple82 · 26/09/2021 17:53

The only advice you need to hear is run, and like the wind, before it's too late and your either up the duff or destroyed mentally and physically and questioning your sanity or all of these combined.

Now5sos · 26/09/2021 17:53

I would tell him the reason you can't orgasm from sex alone is because he's shit at sex, oh and then dump him
Who the fuck does he think he is telling you that you must be a slut and obsessing over your past
For info I have had a lot of sex with lots of different men in my past and not one has made me orgasm from sex alone, even with my now DP it hasn't happened, yet none of them have ever said anything about this because a decent guy knows most women don't
Please get rid and find someone better

Patapouf · 26/09/2021 17:59

He's a psycho, run away and don't look back.

And most women cannot climax from penetration alone so he's also an idiot and incapable of developing other skills in that department.

CarrotSticks23 · 26/09/2021 18:08

Women organism through clitoral stimulation mostly. As the clitoral head is not in the vagina, penetration does not lead to orgasm. Its not a problem its normal anatomy, you can still orgasm. Saying you have a problem you can't orgasm through penetration is like saying you can eat through your nose. Your not designed to.

(some women do have anatomy that enables them to get clitoral stimulation through penetrative sex but it's uncommon)

He is a nasty misogynist who is insecure about his sexual performance and is blaming that on you. Dump the dickhead and find someone who understands how sex works

XingMing · 26/09/2021 18:14

Dump the c*nt.

DeeCeeCherry · 26/09/2021 18:16

WTF...just when I thought i'd read about all the types of men I wouldnt fuck with somebody elses, here comes another.

What on earth are you doing, OP? To let an intensive disrespectful idiot like that demean you like this?

You shouldnt let a fool like that sit his backside on your sofa, much less sleep with you and touch you.

FGS tell him to fuck off out of it. Even if you may then miss him so what? Time heals eventually. Hes not the last man in the world.

Hes a pig, he doesnt like women, and his disgust extends to you. Theres no 'nice' solution, either live with it or dump this waste of space and know that in time you'll meet a man who respects himself. & Women. .