Problems in bed made my OH obsessed with my past

[JLA19801]

Apologies for the personal nature of this - it’s a bit of a tough subject for me to talk about but I’m driving myself crazy!

My OH and I have a big issue in our relationship owing to the fact that I am unable to climax via penetration only. I have tried explaining to my OH that I have always had this problem, and in fact has led to years of disinterest in sex for me in the past.

My OH however thinks that I am lying and says that the reason why I have this problem is because of my past (the number and size of men I have slept with). To be clear, I wasn’t a virgin when I met him but I don’t have a significant past and this is all in his head. He has gone so far as scouring through my Facebook and seeing that I used to go out with friends and on holidays to say that I’m lying to him, and that he thinks that’s evidence that I used to be a ‘slut’ (his words) and that’s why I can’t now come through penetration alone with him.

It’s become a massive all consuming issue now - he then drinks and calls me all the names under the sun, is scouring through my past which is irrelevant to me as it didn’t cause my problems now. If I say he is being selfish he turns it on me and suggests I have something to hide!

I feel like I’m going crazy! I shouldn’t have to justify myself in this way….or should I? It’s important to me that he knows I want him and desire him, but I also can’t change the way my body is and he is so wrapped up in how he feels about it, he won’t try what’s needed to make things improve!!!

Any advice? Tia

*women's orgasms

-He doesn't want to please you in bed
-He doesn't know shit about women's sexuality
-He accuses you of lying
-Calls you names (how fucking dares he)
Conclusion, LTB

He's disgusting. I don't know how you can even sleep with him when he has this attitude towards you.

You're completely normal and he's an abuser.

I've never had an orgasm from penetration alone, I thought it was extremely rare? He sounds crazy. Get rid! Xx

I couldn’t get an orgasm with this piece of scum even if he had the nicest cock in the world, had magic fingers or a vibrating tongue, because my mind would just block any excitement, given how he had treated me.

He is an enormous stinking pile of shit and I hope you leave him and no woman ever lets him touch her, not even in 100 years and he spends his days like the wanker that he is.

Wow this isn’t a problem in bed this is a massive OH problem.
He is feeling insecure about his perceived inability in bed, and making it a you problem. He is trying to shame you
And is showing controlling and abusive tendencies, as well as a total lack of intelligence. He isn’t trusting or believing you either
These are huge red flags

You are sexually totally normal.

You do have a problem though and it's twofold:

1. He's utterly abusive
2. He has no idea how to sexually please a woman.

Individually and combined these are reasons to leave him.

You really don't need to put up with this crap.

Christ what a disgusting vulgar cretin he is....

please dump him...

What the fuck is wrong with some people?!

Op, he is abusive. Why are you with him? Why?!?!?!

The verdict of this thread is pretty much unanimous, and that is a rarity on MN.

No doubt the comments will come as a shock to OP. It's incredibly hard to look your own life in the face and recognise yourself as an abuse victim, even if the sensation has been nagging at your gut that something feels 'off'. The fact that you're posting here, OP, suggests this is a stage you've reached, but the reality of this is an extremely painful one to face.

You'll need some time to process this and come to terms with it. Be good to yourself as you do so.

To add to the previous comments, there is nothing whatsoever wrong with you

He sounds really horrible.

If a friend of yours told you that her boyfriend called her a slut, got drunk and started spewing hateful nonsense at her about her sexual history - what would you say to her?

Give yourself the same advice, which should be to walk away because frankly, the sex is least of your problems.

Easiest LTB I've seen in a while. Please listen to the advice in this thread.

He thinks that you are lying-isn't that reason enough to leave?

Unless I'm not reading correctly, you seem to be leaning towards thinking he has a point-why?

You weren't a virgin when you met-so what?

You are perfectly normal.

He is an abusive horrible man. You need to realise that and get the courage to leave.

He is an absolute tosser. LTB

"as it didn’t cause my problems now."

What problems?

Seems to me you have just the one-him.

I shouldn’t have to justify myself in this way….or should I? It’s important to me that he knows I want him and desire him

Of course you don't have to justify yourself to him, there is literally nothing unusual about not climaxing from penetration alone. You should ask yourself why you want and desire a man who treats you like absolute shit though.

Leave the absolute bastard. Bloody hell, what a wanker he sounds.

And this

I feel like I’m going crazy! I shouldn’t have to justify myself in this way….or should I? It’s important to me that he knows I want him and desire him, but I also can’t change the way my body is and he is so wrapped up in how he feels about it, he won’t try what’s needed to make things improve!!!

is what he is doing to you with his awful behaviour.

Read it over and then decide that actually, no, you shouldn't have to justify yourself or entertain his sulky, abusive, name-calling ways.

You need to leave this man. Who the heck climaxes just from penetration anyway? He’s projecting all of his issues, jealousy and insecurities onto you in an abusive and controlling way. Run!

I agree with all the other posters, he is absolute scum. Is this the same man who expects who to be his personal chef as well?

ive had several sexual partners and only one could make me orgasim through penetrative sex.

you oh has serious self esteem issues, selfish sexual partner and really needs to seek help

you are in an abusive relationship - what you do is realise you don't have to stay

Please don't stay. It won't get better and the abuse will escalate.
Don't feel bad for having a life before him, he has and you definitely don't need to justify yourself. If you stay you're giving him a free pass to treat you and talk to you however he wants whenever he wants. All his problems in life will suddenly be your fault and you'll be every derogatory name under the sun. You'll wake up to abusive messages, have them sent when you're with your family, friends, every aspect of your life and brain will be occupied with his poison. Don't do it to yourself.
I speak from bitter experience.

He isn't willing to make the effort to satisfy you in bed and is a drunken abuser. Why are you tolerating this?

Leave the bastard. I can’t orgasm just through PIV sex alone. In fact a lot of women don’t.

So he was a virgin when he met you, has his penis been ground down by other women?

I would dump him for the "your a slut* comment alone.