Where do they hide the normal men?

[Ihaveroyallyscrewedup]

Is there some island they all live on, some secret place only a few know of?
The most recent seemed like a safe bet, known each other for many years, well enough to know a fair amount of detail about each other’s lives. In that time he’s always seemed stable, good job, own house, two children he has three days a week, wise enough to have asked my advice before he has taken action because he has recognised he may be unreasonable and being a dick. For reasons which are irrelevant we have never dated but there has always been chemistry so we found ourselves in a place where we think ok let’s date and suddenly he’s turned in to this unreliable, non communicative man who treats a suggestion of lunch as if you had just proposed marriage, buying a house and having triplets all at the same time!
So time to throw this one back which is a shame as we have been friends a long time.

@NCBlossom

I tick all of these boxes myself so why should I not expect the same as a bare minimum? 100% this! I’m really not sure it’s mostly bad luck. I think it gets harder for women because of the massive age disparity. Men have a much wider pool. And I’ve found so, so many men have a big ‘no go’ issue. Although I have noticed more men putting the effort in looks wise, but as soon as they go to the gym they expect a woman at least ten years younger!

If by much wider pool you mean pool of women they would consider, then yes I agree. If you mean much wider pool of women who would want them, then that's very different. Very few young women would look at the average older man, and increasingly older women are more reluctant too. All the women in their 50s I know who are not in established relationships are dating younger men, some of us considerably younger. But where the gap is only 10 years or so, you would assume they were the same age as the men. Those older women in same age relationships often act and appear much more youthful than their partner, and you can see their interests diverging as the women have more zest for life generally. My point being, whatever older men think they want, many would struggle to match a same age woman, never mind a young one so their pool is a lot more limited than they think.

Those older women in same age relationships often act and appear much more youthful than their partner, and you can see their interests diverging as the women have more zest for life generally.
My point being, whatever older men think they want, many would struggle to match a same age woman, never mind a young one so their pool is a lot more limited than they think

I would have to disagree with this, I’m 50 + (if that counts as older), and have found that quite a lot the women in my age group don’t have any particular zest for life, and are in fact quite dull TBH, or maybe that just the women I meet.

@JustAnother0ldMan

*Those older women in same age relationships often act and appear much more youthful than their partner, and you can see their interests diverging as the women have more zest for life generally. My point being, whatever older men think they want, many would struggle to match a same age woman, never mind a young one so their pool is a lot more limited than they think*

I would have to disagree with this, I’m 50 + (if that counts as older), and have found that quite a lot the women in my age group don’t have any particular zest for life, and are in fact quite dull TBH, or maybe that just the women I meet.

Interesting. Perhaps its relative. My group of female friends in our 50s are very much out there, wide range of interests, fit and energetic. Last week was a friends 52nd birthday and we were out celebrating until 3am, while her husband happily stayed at home in front on the TV. She said he would usually be sleeping in the chair by 8pm. So maybe we think that way because of the way we are, but its not the norm for women our age. And maybe its the same for you.

@JustAnother0ldMan

*Those older women in same age relationships often act and appear much more youthful than their partner, and you can see their interests diverging as the women have more zest for life generally. My point being, whatever older men think they want, many would struggle to match a same age woman, never mind a young one so their pool is a lot more limited than they think*

I would have to disagree with this, I’m 50 + (if that counts as older), and have found that quite a lot the women in my age group don’t have any particular zest for life, and are in fact quite dull TBH, or maybe that just the women I meet.

I'm mid 40s. I'm the youngest of my social group. Most of my female friends are in their 50s.

One has just finished a post grad qualification at university; a couple play in bands; 3 of them are bikers; all go to gigs etc regularly. I have a friend who is 64 and still wears skinny jeans and band t shirts and she's my main gig buddy...

I have a single male friend who is 57 and dates women in their 50s all of whom are very youthful. He met a woman for a date the other day who he said was 'old' in terms of her outlook but she has been the only one.

I think it's just the women you're meeting!

@5128gap, I think it’s a lot to do with the people you know and friendship circles etc, I know a few guys who will scurry home quickly in case their wives get upset, or will make the old “can’t get a pass from the wife “ comment always makes me think they are under the thumb a bit, but I’m quite fit and active (apart from the arthritis), so not so much of the asleep by 8pm, but then I live in the shires (Mr Frodo), so actually finding anywhere open past 11 is always a challenge.
But some of the women I have meet recently seem to be recently out of long marriages / relationships, and I’m sure are nice people, but certainly not celebrating till 3am kinda people

@GreyCarpet, I’m a biker, if your biker friends are single point them in my direction!
In in a bike club with about 100 members, only about 10 are women riders, which is a real shame as women always bring a new dynamic to a group

[quote JustAnother0ldMan]@5128gap, I think it’s a lot to do with the people you know and friendship circles etc, I know a few guys who will scurry home quickly in case their wives get upset, or will make the old “can’t get a pass from the wife “ comment always makes me think they are under the thumb a bit, but I’m quite fit and active (apart from the arthritis), so not so much of the asleep by 8pm, but then I live in the shires (Mr Frodo), so actually finding anywhere open past 11 is always a challenge.
But some of the women I have meet recently seem to be recently out of long marriages / relationships, and I’m sure are nice people, but certainly not celebrating till 3am kinda people[/quote]
I think there's something about location. I come from an area where a lot of the men are in heavy manual jobs, and by the time they are middle aged a lifetime of that, coupled with a fairly hard drinking culture seems to take its toll and they seem to get old very quickly both, physically and in their ways.
I think sometimes older women who have just come out of long term relationships can take time to find their feet. Its often the case that their confidence takes a hit and they need to adjust to living their lives for them rather than around the needs of partner and family. They may never want to party to the small hours, but I've seen many a woman transformed when she gets to live for herself.