Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Original poster

Where do they hide the normal men?

307 replies

Ihaveroyallyscrewedup · 22/09/2021 12:22

Is there some island they all live on, some secret place only a few know of?
The most recent seemed like a safe bet, known each other for many years, well enough to know a fair amount of detail about each other’s lives. In that time he’s always seemed stable, good job, own house, two children he has three days a week, wise enough to have asked my advice before he has taken action because he has recognised he may be unreasonable and being a dick. For reasons which are irrelevant we have never dated but there has always been chemistry so we found ourselves in a place where we think ok let’s date and suddenly he’s turned in to this unreliable, non communicative man who treats a suggestion of lunch as if you had just proposed marriage, buying a house and having triplets all at the same time!
So time to throw this one back which is a shame as we have been friends a long time.

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 22/09/2021 12:29

Sounds like he was only looking to get his leg over.

You just never know with people.
It's exhausting.

TheCategoryIs · 22/09/2021 12:33

It is exhausting!!
Something about dating seems to make people lose all their manners. Most men would have impeccable manners in shops or at work or helping old ladies across the road but then turn into someone totally different when expected to have a conversation about a date or just the future of any sort.

Mischance · 22/09/2021 12:33

Define normal ...........

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 22/09/2021 12:33

The normal men are all happily married. Women don't divorce normal men, usually (please don't pile on me and say sometimes women divoce normal men, I did say usually)

MrsTesfaye · 22/09/2021 12:34

The normal men are all happily married. Women don't divorce normal men, usually

Yeah exactly this

middlingmess · 22/09/2021 12:42

Yep, all the nice normal guys have lovely marriages as they find nice normal women to get hitched to.

I think because of my upbringing I had attachment issues and married someone similar...now I'm divorced and had sorted my own issues out, I can't find similar!
A lot of men don't seem to own/or want to sort out their issues, they just bounce from woman to woman.

TreeSmuggler · 22/09/2021 12:46

You can't hide something that doesn't exist.

Seriously though, pp has it. Any man who is even 5% normal is so rare he'd be snapped up already and have a waiting list.

Original poster

Ihaveroyallyscrewedup · 22/09/2021 12:51

Ok maybe I should define normal as just an average man going through life, has some issues like many of us do but actively recognises and works on them, creating happiness and confidence within and enabling them to have better communication and relationships….
It’s a dream I know but a good one 😂

OP posts:

SleepingBunnies21 · 22/09/2021 13:03

Numbers game.

All you can do is keep looking.

There are v occasionally some decent guys who become single through no fault of their own.

EmRata95 · 22/09/2021 13:04

A man who does not oggle young women on insta/ticktock etc, who has no intention of cheating, who actually cares about people besides himself, who does his fair share of housework and child rearing is so rare, there's probably more chance of me winning the euro millions than finding one.

EmRata95 · 22/09/2021 13:06

And finding one who is good in bed on top of all that? No chance

Fireflygal · 22/09/2021 13:14

I think men don't deal with their issues in the same way women do. Lots of reasons for it but in my experience it's ego and entitlement .There is no doubt a similar amount of women with issues but the power imbalance in society means we tend to look inside for solutions.

Good men stay in relationships as they have the skills to make it work.

JustAnother0ldMan · 22/09/2021 16:58

Is there some island they all live on, some secret place only a few know of?

Yes, we are all on a hidden island that you need Captain Jack Sparrow’s compass to find.

GreyCarpet · 22/09/2021 17:05

@JustAnother0ldMan

Is there some island they all live on, some secret place only a few know of?

Yes, we are all on a hidden island that you need Captain Jack Sparrow’s compass to find.

Don't you have a map that you can send out to normal women?? 😫

BananaPB · 22/09/2021 17:07

I think the normal ones are in relationships. The ones who are normal and single are probably snapped up quickly

Pinkbonbon · 22/09/2021 17:07

@EmRata95

And finding one who is good in bed on top of all that? No chance

Haha true that! Why do so many of them not seem to have a clue? Men that have been in long term relationships and yet, don't seem to even know how to begin to attempt foreplay.

ReallyNeedToPrioritiseMe · 22/09/2021 17:10

I think normal men may be scared of doing the wrong thing these days. I have three sons, older ones are 23 and 19, and they’ve both expressed anxiety about dating.

PermanentTemporary · 22/09/2021 17:10

He sounds a bit conflicted over losing what he has - stability, a good friend - for sex. So the opposite of anything for a legover, really.

I think there are quite a lot of perfectly fine but not perfect men out there.

GreyCarpet · 22/09/2021 17:12

@ReallyNeedToPrioritiseMe

I think normal men may be scared of doing the wrong thing these days. I have three sons, older ones are 23 and 19, and they’ve both expressed anxiety about dating.

My 22 year old son has no such fears. He understands that if he treats women as equal human beings and with respect that he will be fine.

I wonder why that causes yours anxiety?

notlongtillxmas · 22/09/2021 17:14

@Ihaveroyallyscrewedup

Find out if they do day trip excursions ! I'm in

BananaPB · 22/09/2021 17:21

@ReallyNeedToPrioritiseMe

I think normal men may be scared of doing the wrong thing these days. I have three sons, older ones are 23 and 19, and they’ve both expressed anxiety about dating.

I have a 20 year old who has no worries around dating either. I think it helps that he's always had both male and female friends so can talk to girls easily.

Original poster

Ihaveroyallyscrewedup · 22/09/2021 17:25

Yes, we are all on a hidden island that you need Captain Jack Sparrow’s compass to find.

I was being lighthearted but if you could send a map I would be delighted.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ihaveroyallyscrewedup · 22/09/2021 17:31

I’m sure there are men saying the same of women, it all seems fine then you start dating and inexplicably their personality changes. As a pp said maybe he is conflicted and fearing the change in our relationship or that actually he feels it was a mistake. I suppose I just feel that you should be able to have that discussion, if it’s not working for him then why not just say so, why not just communicate?
I’m happy enough alone so I’m in no rush and if something comes along then great, if not then that’s fine too.

OP posts:

MoneyMachine · 22/09/2021 17:32

@Fireflygal but what if the woman was an unreasonable one? There will be lots of normal guys that just don’t want to be the only ones working on their doomed relationships

FanGirlX · 22/09/2021 17:32

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

The normal men are all happily married. Women don't divorce normal men, usually (please don't pile on me and say sometimes women divoce normal men, I did say usually)

Yep, the normal ones are all off the market by the time they were 30.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Swipe left for the next trending thread