Fed up with family making comments about my weight

[Shareandtear]

I'm feeling really fed up and not sure what to do.

I am 5 foot 8 and a fairly solid size 14 - 16. I say solid because I'm fairly muscular, I suppose like a slightly chubby tennis player, if you get my drift! I suppose I would like to be 2 stone lighter. I do lots of walking and am out and about a lot, I suppose my portions are a bit big but not excessively so. I never eat in the evenings, have 3 meals a day etc.

Throughout my life I've had various members of my middle class family making comments about my weight. Sort of saying I'm too overweight, I should lose weight etc. Its happened again very recently and its really annoyed me. I would never comment on someone's body. It just perplexes me.

The most recent example was someone telling me I should lose weight for a family wedding. It has only really occurred to me this week that that is what was being said.

I'm feeling like distancing myself from these family members. At a maximum size 16 I dont feel really fat, just slightly muscular with a bit of chub on top.

Is it normal for people to family members to make such comments? It puts me off seeing them tbh. I am healthy. I feel that life shouldn't be about the way people look.

Hi @Shareandtear, I have no idea if you are fat or not. You say you could do with losing 2 stone. What is your BMI?

I doubt that you are all that muscular and maybe you are overweight, but nobody should be telling you to lose weight unless it is in a medical capacity.

I get comments about my weight all the time and I ignore it. Nobody's business but my own. I'm in the normal BMI range, my clothes fit, I feel healthy.

If several people close to you are telling you, maybe you could ask your GP or GP practice nurse.

Dieting doesn't work but lifestyle changes do, and it's s lot easier to keep your weight from creeping up than it is to lose a lot of weight.

KirstenBlest that's the point isnt it my BMI is my business but if you read the thread I have revealed my weight earlier up it.

I am quite muscular actually and dont feel flabby anywhere apart from my stomach and possibly my arms elsewhere I feel solid for want of a better word rather than jiggly. No cellulite.

But that is the point.

Because I am not obviously striving to lose weight and because I am happy in my own skin, other women seem to really struggle with me and my figure. I do try to walk a lot and get out and about but I'm not talking about my weight excessively or diet plans and that seems to wind the women in my family up.

I do believe I am fine as I am. I say fine and not perfect but I can say with 100% certainty that no other women in my family are perfect either. Which is why if I get another comment about my weight I will be suggesting to them they consider plastic surgery/ face lifts / botox and filler / a new hairdresser delete as appropriate to make my point.

Kittenlittlen thank you yes... someone gets it!! Although I am sorry to hear you have a similar thing going on in your family. I get the comments from more attractive AND the lesser attractive members of my family but more from the lesser facially attractive members, maybe they think all they have to offer the world / men is a slim.body because they dont have a nice face... or in many cases, an interesting or attractive personality. Maybe because they are obsessing on this they want to challenge other women who arent?

@Shareandtear

KirstenBlest that's the point isnt it my BMI is my business but if you read the thread I have revealed my weight earlier up it.

I am quite muscular actually and dont feel flabby anywhere apart from my stomach and possibly my arms elsewhere I feel solid for want of a better word rather than jiggly. No cellulite.

But that is the point.

Because I am not obviously striving to lose weight and because I am happy in my own skin, other women seem to really struggle with me and my figure. I do try to walk a lot and get out and about but I'm not talking about my weight excessively or diet plans and that seems to wind the women in my family up.

I do believe I am fine as I am. I say fine and not perfect but I can say with 100% certainty that no other women in my family are perfect either. Which is why if I get another comment about my weight I will be suggesting to them they consider plastic surgery/ face lifts / botox and filler / a new hairdresser delete as appropriate to make my point.

lol yep !

And even if a woman were jiggly, even If a woman were overweight, even if she had an ass the size of an elephant it’s none of it is anyone’s business but hers and her drs.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you’re just happy in your skin and that winds some people up

Wow, I am 5.8 and a size 14 and no one has ever called me fat, I am bemused by the comment. When I have gone down to a size 12 i actually look ill as my face looks gaunt. I think you have to nip this in the bud, and don´t pussy foot around rude people.

KirstenBlest that's the point isnt it my BMI is my business but if you read the thread I have revealed my weight earlier up it.
Yes you did, but I have no idea what 13.5 st looks like on a 5'8" woman.

I have now entered it into the NHS bmi calculator (I said Female, 35 yrs, Other and moderately active so won't necessarily be spot on.

You are definitely in the Overweight range and nearer the top end. If you have a large frame and are muscular then you might not be really much overweight.

I'd ask at your medical centre, as I pp, if you are in any doubt.

If you are happy in your skin , when somebody comments, reply 'And you're telling me this because...?'. Every time.

@KirstenBlest
‘ I have now entered it into the NHS bmi calculator (I said Female, 35 yrs, Other and moderately active so won't necessarily be spot on.

You are definitely in the Overweight range and nearer the top end. If you have a large frame and are muscular then you might not be really much overweight. ’

And you’re telling her this because………..

Because she might be more overweight than she thinks and because there are health implications if one is overweight.

If she is of a large frame and is quite muscular then the 'normal' range (8 st 10 - 11st 11 lbs) might be too low for her.

5'8" and 8st 10 lb sounds far too light to me.

KirstenBlest I know where I am with my weight.

Thanks for your concern.

BMI measurememts are not appropriate for very muscular people it is a proven fact but thanks anyway.

I've said I'm a couple of stone overweight and I could lose 1 - 2 stone but more than 1 would be hard given my.physique I've done it before and I know what I'm talking about.

Clearly stocker/ slightly larger frames / musculat densities freak people out!!

I am happy leave me alone!!!!!!!!!

SVRT19674 I know right?

I think its because of the upper middle class / upper class weight obsession that anyone over a size 10 is hideous and unattractive. I sort of think the opposite. To me very underweight - if unnaturally so, and you can tell the difference- looks extremely worrying.

Why start the thread then?

@KirstenBlest

Because she might be more overweight than she thinks and because there are health implications if one is overweight.

If she is of a large frame and is quite muscular then the 'normal' range (8 st 10 - 11st 11 lbs) might be too low for her.

5'8" and 8st 10 lb sounds far too light to me.

But isn’t this the whole point of her post ???? Why is it any of your business to be telling her about her weight ESPECiALLY after she has repeatedly said she is happy Even if someone is hugely overweight it’s NONE OF YOUR business unless you are directly asked for your opinion Wow I thought that was made really really clear by the OP several times What is with people who come in and claim to have all this concern over strangers weight / health and completely ignore peoples boundaries and mental health

KirstenBlest I started the thread to ask whether I was right in thinking it was inappropriate, conceptually, to mention someone's weight to them.

Not to ask about my weight.

A lot of people who have commented havent been able to grasp the concept and that's cool.

Kittenlittlen that's fine, we all have different capacities in terms of our understanding, lol.

I think my mental health has really improved, actually, from starting this thread. I've seen this all for what it really is... so thanks everyone for commenting!!

@Shareandtear

Kittenlittlen that's fine, we all have different capacities in terms of our understanding, lol.

I think my mental health has really improved, actually, from starting this thread. I've seen this all for what it really is... so thanks everyone for commenting!!

Yea just frustrating as sometimes people don’t seem to get it Glad to hear it’s helped

It's actually really really helped!! Kittenlittlen.

Mumsnet rocks!!

Thank you all :)

@KirstenBlest

Hi *@Shareandtear*, I have no idea if you are fat or not. You say you could do with losing 2 stone. What is your BMI?

I doubt that you are all that muscular and maybe you are overweight, but nobody should be telling you to lose weight unless it is in a medical capacity.

I get comments about my weight all the time and I ignore it. Nobody's business but my own. I'm in the normal BMI range, my clothes fit, I feel healthy.

If several people close to you are telling you, maybe you could ask your GP or GP practice nurse.

Dieting doesn't work but lifestyle changes do, and it's s lot easier to keep your weight from creeping up than it is to lose a lot of weight.

Hi Kirsten, I have no idea if you have read the OP or not.

Can you show me where Share asked for your dietary advice?
Or help me understand how you could have missed what she did actually ask, which was "Is it normal for family member to make comments?"

& why would you need to ask a stranger what her BMI is? Are you doing a survey, or simply unable to comprehend the initial post?

@KirstenBlest

Because she might be more overweight than she thinks and because there are health implications if one is overweight.

If she is of a large frame and is quite muscular then the 'normal' range (8 st 10 - 11st 11 lbs) might be too low for her.

5'8" and 8st 10 lb sounds far too light to me.

And you're saying this because ...?

Fucksake stop controlling & undermining other women.
You say you don't like it when people comment on your body, so how about you try hard to remember the whole point of the thread, & STFU about OP's body?

Or do you have some kind of OCD condition that makes you fixate on bodies, to the point where you cannot comprehend what is actually on their mind?
In which case you should go to your GP. CBT might be recommended to help you with that.
Ha! - see how it feels - getting medical 'advice' that you don't need from unqualified randoms?

@KirstenBlest

Why start the thread then?

You genuinely STILL can't work that out?

TO ASK IF IT IS NORMAL TO HAVE PEOPLE CONSTANTLY COMMENTING ON YOUR BODY.

In your case, clearly it is.
OP doesn't need your help, certainly doesn't want it, & the image of you whipping out your BMI calculator in a knee-jerk response to whether people should comment on other people's bodies belongs in a comedy sketch.

& breathe ... apologies for ranting @KirstenBlest

How men view women's bodies is bad enough, but when women think it's 'normal' to police other women like this, the internalised misogyny makes me fucking despair of any progress.

Maybe put the BMI calculator down & focus more on what happens inside women's heads than what's going on under their clothes, huh?

ChargingBuck it is getting funny now!!! People are still refusing to get the point of the thread because they seem to want to say a random woman's body is wrong in some way.

There's a part of me that is starting to feel very superior over this mentality. This part of me is going to be called upon when someone else pipes up in my family about my weight in the future!!

I am almost looking forward to it!!

Bring it on.

People comment on my weight a lot.
I have the physique of Emma Raducanu and have gained this physique by walking a lot.

My family always say I'm too thin, but it's them who are overweight deflecting on me.

KirstenBlest in that case I am even more surprised by your posts!!!!! You have been through this yourself and have found it inappropriate.

They do it because they have pigeonholed me as 'thin'.
I think they say I've put on weight not because I have, but because I don't look thin.

I get people commenting 'Have you lost weight?', 'Glad you've put on weight, being so thin makes you look 10 yrs older than you are etc. My weight is fairly constant, I think.

Either they are concerned, are twats, or they're deluded, or I might be a bit too thin.

I don't comment on their weight, unless they are boring me about how they are too thin, or too fat or whatever, in which case I say 'you're the size they are - you are you, and you are fine'