Fed up with family making comments about my weight

[Shareandtear]

I'm feeling really fed up and not sure what to do.

I am 5 foot 8 and a fairly solid size 14 - 16. I say solid because I'm fairly muscular, I suppose like a slightly chubby tennis player, if you get my drift! I suppose I would like to be 2 stone lighter. I do lots of walking and am out and about a lot, I suppose my portions are a bit big but not excessively so. I never eat in the evenings, have 3 meals a day etc.

Throughout my life I've had various members of my middle class family making comments about my weight. Sort of saying I'm too overweight, I should lose weight etc. Its happened again very recently and its really annoyed me. I would never comment on someone's body. It just perplexes me.

The most recent example was someone telling me I should lose weight for a family wedding. It has only really occurred to me this week that that is what was being said.

I'm feeling like distancing myself from these family members. At a maximum size 16 I dont feel really fat, just slightly muscular with a bit of chub on top.

Is it normal for people to family members to make such comments? It puts me off seeing them tbh. I am healthy. I feel that life shouldn't be about the way people look.

@Shareandtear so ok- relatives aside- why do you think you are a couple of stone overweight? Not the reasons- that's obvious, but what is it about the way you look that tells you you have excess fat? You talk a lot about being muscular- love muscles- but you can't see the muscles if they are covered in a layer of fat.

Big buttons I dpnt need to lose on my legs or bum but carry excess around my stomach and my face.

Maybe also my arms... unlike serena.... :)

PS - there are a number of olympic athletes who are classed overweight by the new BMI calculator. Is your GP concerned about your weight? Does it stop you doing anything? Yes, some people get off on putting you down but as I said I think sometimes it becomes part of the family script - you know, so and so will never amount to anything, so and so is difficult, so and so is fat. But it is just nasty.

Not normal or acceptable.
Make it clear that comments about your appearance are not appreciated & if they continue, you will be distancing yourself from any person rude & nasty enough to disregard your feelings.

No one should be commenting on your body. Ask them why they feel they have the right to, it’s rude as fuck.

I’ve got a relative who’s morbidly obese, she’s been in hospital recently for serious issues caused entirely by her weight, it’s terrifying and she’s under strict orders from the doctor to lose a chunk ASAP. She isn’t going to, if she could she would have. Would I say anything about it? No bloody way. As worrying as it is for the people who love her it’s between her and her medical team and no one bitching at her about it would change anything.

@Rainbowheart1 *You're. If you’re going to be odious, at least be odious and literate.

@Bluntness100 Yes your BMi is overweight nearing obese, but as you’re very muscular that doesn’t really count. It’s none of their business though, it doesn’t matter if they see something different to what you see, they’ve no right to comment

And yet YOU couldn’t resist commenting, even though the OP’s weight is nine if your business, and given that the question the OP asked was about the comments not about her weight or shape, what right do you have to comment?

And why did you?

Same question to @Viviennemary.

Face doesn’t matter but stomach weight is not very good as your organs are obviously there.

I have slim arms, legs, shoulders, stomach but carry all my weight on my bum, hips and top of my legs. Still bad, but apparently not as bad as fat around the stomach.

My OH is slim everywhere apart from stomach and face too, it’s where he carries his weight, I don’t care about his weight but I do wish it was somewhere else other than his stomach. I do worry about it.

@Buggritbuggrit

Cheers mate

OP, seriously, stop justifying your weight to strangers on an anonymous forum. All the faux concern and silly comments are nonsense. You are not required to provide information on your size or BMI.

How much you weigh is NOBODY’S BUSINESS. Not in real life, and not on this board.

Thank you Buggritbuggrit I am not ashamed of my body and what it weighs but I'm ashamed of the people around me who are trying to make me.feel ashamed. Which is a shame. Lol.

I think that is the problem - people want me to feel ashamed. And I'm not.

You say middle class - are they the upper end of middle class? Many posher women I have known from fancier circles had a girls school competitive anorexia thing going on, that they've kept going their whole lives. If someone has worked so hard at staying thin and sees that as a marker of success, to have someone who is chubby and doesn't give a hoot is really hard for them to get their heads around.

I'm sure anyone with excess weight knows about it, I've never understood what people think pointing it out is going to achieve.

The best come back you could have to your relatives is to say you're happy with your weight and leave it like that.

@Shareandtear

I think that is the problem - people want me to feel ashamed. And I'm not.

Very probably.

Challenged by your confidence, & looking to undermine it with controlling & hurtful comments. You are right, they are embarrassing - to themselves, but lack the self-awareness or will to examine their own behaviour & motivations.

Enidfrighten yes upper middle class / upper class but my nuclear family is more middle class. We've always been the poorer relations but I've done quite well despite that - and despite being a bit chubby!! Yes I suppose i can see why that would annoy them. One of my relatives said she has always been a size 6 and is really proud of the fact.

The most likely possibility is that you are a nice friendly person who doesn't criticise/make pass agg remarks to your family and the less nice members of your family have decided that gives them carte blanche to get the digs in!
Since it's your weight I'm going to guess your a competent attractive woman, so weight was all that was left. Probably keep going back to it because your not reacting and that's annoying them 😂

You do a bit of walking, are over weight yet look like Serena Williams?! I wonder if you provoke your family with your responses- in that they keep saying it because you deny it. Obviously they should keep their mouths shut but next time instead of pointing out that you have the body of Adonis just say that your weight is your business and you’re well aware of it- no need to point it out.

Franklyfrost that really made me lol!!! Thank you for being so funny!!

M0rT thank you yes I wonder. I do think sometimes people are keen to find something to pick on others for. I am a bit overweight but I think it is the chunkiness that people are trying to shame me for.

Massive yawn at all the body shaming, faux health concerned nobjockey’s on this thread.

OP, diet culture and fatphobia in general is a huge problem these days and imho it’s the root cause of so much of the ED world.

People are so drenched in their bullshit ‘concern’ which is actually just self hate and projection. It’s a way of life and they can’t help from judging and comparing themselves endlessly. If they are thinner than you they will fat / body shame you, if they are bigger than you they will applaud you (and secretly hate you).

These people sadly live every single week either restricting food or food groups, or binge-ing or thinking about their next food restriction (I.e. diet) and jumping from one diet to another and on and on. Living their lives obsessing and judging other people’s size and shape.

How depressing (for them).

Personally I’d much rather be loving and living my life without passing judgement of others size and have the freedom from restrictive bullshit.

@Franklyfrost

You do a bit of walking, are over weight yet look like Serena Williams?! I wonder if you provoke your family with your responses- in that they keep saying it because you deny it. Obviously they should keep their mouths shut but next time instead of pointing out that you have the body of Adonis just say that your weight is your business and you’re well aware of it- no need to point it out.

Wow... just fucking WOW

@Shareandtear

Perhaps you should give them a clear warning that if they intend to be so rude you will feel free to comment about their "flaws" equally. Fair's Fair... 🌹

Newestname002 :) yes you are right. I think I've decided to step away from these people. They've given me such a headache with all of this stuff. I cant be bothered with them. If there is resentment im not starving myself then I don't want to be around them.

@Bluntness100

Wow if you look like serena Williams that’s impressive, that woman is solid muscle. You must be exercising like her too. Good for you.

For the rest of us though, I’m five eight and at a sixteen I’m defintely fat. I exercise a lot, five or six times a week, but I’m more lean and toned and when I’m bigger I still don’t look like serena. You must be going some.

I think good for you, yout family is being odd. Just remind them it’s pure muscle and how yoire achieving it

On a seperate note, no one has the right to comment negatively on yout body unless you ask that sort of question. Even if you were fat and not muscle it would make no difference.

Maybe they just aren’t used to women so muscular. Don’t listen to them, that’s one impressive physique,

Ah, @Bluntness100 . As always, your faux innocence is sooooo hilarious 😴😴😴