Fed up with family making comments about my weight

[Shareandtear]

I'm feeling really fed up and not sure what to do.

I am 5 foot 8 and a fairly solid size 14 - 16. I say solid because I'm fairly muscular, I suppose like a slightly chubby tennis player, if you get my drift! I suppose I would like to be 2 stone lighter. I do lots of walking and am out and about a lot, I suppose my portions are a bit big but not excessively so. I never eat in the evenings, have 3 meals a day etc.

Throughout my life I've had various members of my middle class family making comments about my weight. Sort of saying I'm too overweight, I should lose weight etc. Its happened again very recently and its really annoyed me. I would never comment on someone's body. It just perplexes me.

The most recent example was someone telling me I should lose weight for a family wedding. It has only really occurred to me this week that that is what was being said.

I'm feeling like distancing myself from these family members. At a maximum size 16 I dont feel really fat, just slightly muscular with a bit of chub on top.

Is it normal for people to family members to make such comments? It puts me off seeing them tbh. I am healthy. I feel that life shouldn't be about the way people look.

Suprima lol no.not quite but muscular which is denser to the eye I guess.

What comments are they actually making? Is there a chance you might be misinterpreting?

Queen bee 52... right!! Even people on mn are commenting on my figure and they havent even met me!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously I can see why people turn to eating disorders.

I don't know about normal, but I get this from my family as well. I'm a 10-12 and 5'8 so not massive. Compared to all the women in my extended family, I am noticeably on the large side, as they're all incredibly slim.

In my case they aren't trying to bully me, it's just projection of their own issues around fat. There is quite the history of ED in the family though so I don't take it personally - it's not really about me and my weight at all, it's about their skewed world view and fear of being overweight.

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

Yes, you are very probably fat. (I guarantee I'm fatter) but so fucking what? If you wanted to lose weight you know how to do it. You should be very blunt.

If I decide I want to lose weight I will.

If I want your advice I know I can come to you and ask

You seem rather obsessed with my weight. You should probably see someone about that.

Will you just stfu about my weight. I get it. You think I'm an ugly pig bringing shame on the family

In order of increasing pissed off ness 😁

I just don't see any reason to bother about tiptoeing round people who are quite happy to say rude things to you. 🤷‍♀️

sorry... but this made me laugh ...

Im glad there are some fighters out there IRL .. not taking this bullshit from rude people 🌸

I know who she was but not what she looked like body wise so googled.

She doesn’t look fat, very muscular upper body compared to her upper legs though so a stark contrast but I imagine that comes with tennis.

Is serena a size 16?

Rainbowheart1 I dont know how tall serena js... I'm 5 foot 8 so not short and a size 16 in some things only. So eg size 14 in leggings, 14 in dresses.

I sort of wanted to say that it doesn't mean necessarily mean fat it can mean muscular.

I’m shorter than you OP, 5”6 and bigger at size 18 , (I hold all my weight on my waist which is annoying) and I weigh 72kg, which puts me about 7kg over my “ideal” weight which is still in the “healthy” range so I don’t think you can be considered fat at all

Apparently Serena is a us 10 so a UK 14.
I wish I was a 14! Or a 16!

Seriously op, you need to tell them to stfu

It’s weird that both your family and your in laws have made comments about it. Size 16 is probably a bit big but certainly not something that any normal person would comment on. Are you possibly wearing clothes that are a size too small which exacerbates your size? When you mentioned the wedding situation, were you talking about dresses or something and mentioned wearing something that on someone slim would look one way but on someone curvy would look too cleavagey/ bum clingy would look inappropriate for a wedding? Sorry - grasping at straws I know but just trying to think of a reason that isn’t just your family being a bunch of insensitive arses!

If I was being bitchy back queenbee52 I would say that the other family members at the wedding who were size 6-8 all looked about 15 years older than me. Thin faces lend themselves to wrinkles from the mid 30s...

It’s weird that both your family and your in laws have made comments about it.

Sounds more like they've been discussing OP's weight behind her back.. which is awful

@Shareandtear

If I was being bitchy back queenbee52 I would say that the other family members at the wedding who were size 6-8 all looked about 15 years older than me. Thin faces lend themselves to wrinkles from the mid 30s...

I understand... you often find that people that happily give criticism .. rarely take criticism well 🌸

HeAteItWithaSpoon yes I think this is the crux of the matter and why I am so fucked off. I have always tried to cultivate nice close relationships in my family due to not being v close to my mum and dad (who have separately both commented on my weight more than once incidentally) and I feel that this is reciprocated by rudeness and almost a need to put me down if that makes sense? That's what has annoyed me and I am seriously considering not bothering with any of them anymore.

@Shareandtear

If I was being bitchy back queenbee52 I would say that the other family members at the wedding who were size 6-8 all looked about 15 years older than me. Thin faces lend themselves to wrinkles from the mid 30s...

Yeah that is bitchy.

Are all the family members who have said something been on the very slim side or could maybe have had weight issues themselves in the past so they are projecting?

Do you talk about weight/diets a lot in general conversation to your family?

Do you do weight lifting?

If it doesn’t make sense maybe just ask them in a platonic way why everyone keeps mentioning this to you and see what they say, then go from there I guess.

There is a member of our family that is very much morbidly obese. I would never say anything to her about it. Not my place - and I'm sure she knows, she has a mirror - and there's a reason why she avoids going to the doctor! Funnily enough, she has no problem making sarky little remarks about my weight though. . .

Some people are just tone bloody deaf, and utterly bloody rude.

Roarfeckingroarr it would almost be the equivalent come back the other way 'you saying i could lose some weight, I suppose you have to worry being really thin that you will age much faster. Dont go down the filler route, it looks horrible.' Or that sort of thing would be the same sort of thing back at them but I'd never say it and that is the difference.

Yes or they could have been discussing it behind your back, but do you parents and in-laws talk to each other? Maybe if your parents are so rude about it, the in-laws think it’s acceptable to be rude too?

If your pissed of with it, give it back to them as good as you get.

Or 'fillers and botox are bad for your HEALTH, you should think about stopping partaking in them.' So make it sound like it is about health but really its just a dig. If thay makes sense.

@QueenBee52

I doubt you have the physique of an elite tennis player

Seriously .......

why would you say this to someone who is dealing with having her body shape criticised ...

Because there is an element of absolute delusion

It’s like me saying I look nearly like Kim Kardashian because I have lipedema (I am a chubby woman too). Yes I have a curvy arse, but a soft tummy, thick ankles, back rolls- and I don’t really care. My body is the least interesting thing about me.

Serena Williams has a six pack, powerful biceps and insanely tuned muscles on her legs. She has boobs and a curvy bum, yes- but she is a finely tuned, athletic machine. It is her job.

I don’t think the OP was saying she actually looks like serena, just that she’s along those lines, basically she has some muscle is what I think she was trying to say, that’s the way I took it anyway.

No no delusion. I was saying that muscular people are physically denser than other people.

I dont think I have a body like serena's but I am a bit muscular looking. But like I said I could do with losing 2 stone.

I think bigger people can sometimes be muscular like serena. If you look back up the thread that is 1hat I said.

It doesn’t matter whether the OP is the size of a Chinese Women’s Gymnast champion, or a Russian male weightlifter, is featured on My 600lb Life, or shops in Brandy Melville.

It is bloody rude and impertinent for people to comment about body size and shape.

And if anyone is ‘concerned’ they need to know that making comments is counter productive AND bloody rude.

If the OP is heading towards featuring on a cheap TV channel in some hideous voyeuristic programme about fat people a truly living relative might pour out their heart about their worries, but in private, not in a judgey way at a social gathering.

If the OP feels uncomfortable with their behaviour, shall we believe her that they are being rude, and stop making out that they are ‘concerned’ and with good reason?

EdgeOfTheSky. Size 10.

Putting it here on mumsnet I think I am working out where it is coming from. I have never been that worried about what I look like and i think that might unsettle some women. Do you think thay could be it?

I refuse to believe that my body the way it is would worry relatives in terms of them being worried about my health as I am really not that big.