Feeling absolutely invisible as an ‘older’ single woman

[SwordfromtheStone]

I’m late 40s, not tall or slim or particularly glamorous but I think I scrub up ok. I’m divorced and reasonably happy on my own but I would like to meet someone new at some point.

I just don’t know how though! OLD is an absolute disaster so I was pinning my hopes on real life but since we’ve been able to get out more I’m just not having any luck. It feels like nobody even notices me. The final straw was being out with a crowd last night in a busy pub with a band on. Lots of drink flowing and everyone chatting to strangers. My 2 friends - slightly younger but more importantly ticking the boxes of thin and blonde - seemed to be fighting the men off while not a single person even spoke to me. It’s just so depressing and disheartening.

I knew appearing invisible as you get older was a thing but I hadn’t experienced it before and it’s horrible. How the hell will I ever meet anyone if both online and real life are so hard? 🙁

Wrt @Kittenlittlen's posts:

Yes, men have a principally objectionable interest in younger women, but if men were sexually attracted to old women, our species would die out. We are all the result of a million years of biological evolution, and it isn't so that anybody, woman or man, has sat down and consciously decided to be in any particular way as part of some evil, scheming plan.

Please don't think my thoughts and intentions can be second guessed. I find that patronising, and much more offensive than any name or word you can call me. In all I've said, however clumsily, I've tried to explain what's inside me and how I feel, and I have never pretended to understand what's inside somebody else's mind. It's trivially easy to find flaws and criticise if that's the objective, and while lots of women here have said much the same as I have, I'm the one being flamed. How peculiar.

At the end of the day, life probably won't give us everything we wish for, but we are not without control. What we do, the choices we make, really do matter, but I think Raven had it right when she said it's gone off topic (cf the original post), so I'll pull out of this.

Take care, and, Sword, think of me what you wish, but trust me when I say you really can get what you want.

@SwordfromtheStone
Zzzzzzzz…….another dude using the old biological argument , one that doesn’t account for a lot. Maybe he needs to read some research and studies on human behaviour to understand the many flaws and how often this is debunked.
Telling women oh men can’t help it , it’s their biology to want younger
Interesting that so many men are into the barely legal porn and worse . Girls that are not at the optimal age for pregnancy and with whom in cavemen days ( when they claim these urges come from ) would be more likely to have their life and their child’s life at risk and their own

This is because it’s about socialisation , sexualisation of youth in females and power

Also doesn’t account for men of 35 40 plus who have no interest in having children but won’t date women their own age
Age gap relationship do and can happen but there are plenty of men who want to ‘pull a younger woman ‘ as a status symbol, someone to show off or build them up .

What does this mean for you sword? It means these guys are naturally weeding themselves out . You don’t want or need someone who thinks like this. If they are going to go to the blonde younger woman let them

I certainly wouldn’t be dying my hair ( unless you want to for you ) but yes make an effort to talk to people have fun, go places where there are new faces and be you self . Don’t change for who you are or things about you unless they feel authentic to you .

@AShipInTheNight
Take care, and, Sword, think of me what you wish, but trust me when I say you really can get what you want.

On the one hand you tell her just listen to you and she can get what she wants and on the other hand you tell her men can’t help their biological urges for younger women
So I guess we should all just try and ‘snag ‘ a guy huh and pray he doesn’t get a chance with a ‘younger woman ‘ seeing as the poor thing won’t be able to help himself - biological urge and all