Page 3 | Dating thread 213 - falling into Autumn leaves

BelladiMamma · 2021-09-14T14:03:18+00:00

New thread 🧵 with the rules as a screenshot 🍂

PurpleStripyScarf · 14/09/2021 19:30

@VanGoghsDog

Weird OLD contacts update (reader, he unmatched me 😲):

"No." 🤣 Great response, @VanGoghsDog. Pithy!

Isitreallyme177 · 14/09/2021 19:42

Today is just getting more stressful, I literally walked through the door 3 and half hours later and I only went out to get petrol and coke. Mr Cricket suggested this Thursday for dinner which usually wouldn't have been a problem. I call my ex to check what time everyone is coming to mine on Thursday and he gets arsey with me for arranging something that night says that Mr Cricket knows I'm going to the Isle of wight and suggested it deliberately, he is apparently coming to mine then going to sleep (where I have no clue as I've only got my bed now) then we'll be leaving for isle of wight at 2.30am. He then calls back and says it was unfair of him to get arsey etc. but does the passive aggressive thing of saying he'll come over later or sleep at his but we'll have to hope he wakes up. I've snapped at the cat 🥺😢 not replied to Mr Cricket yet and could just do with snuggling up to someone on the sofa.

I think my ex has a point Mr Cricket knows I'm going to the Isle of wight on Friday but I also think my ex may be a teeny bit jealous.

PurpleStripyScarf · 14/09/2021 19:50

Thanks for the thread Bella!

I've got 2 irons (sort of): one hot and one cold.

Hot iron: going on 3rd date this week. Lots of laughs together. Incredible chemistry. Amazing kisser. Some potential (quite significant) compatibility issues - so we'll see. Trying not to get emotionally invested until I've worked out whether it's a sensible match or not. I'll call him Mr Bear.

Cold iron: we had about half a dozen dates, and then we friendzoned in the summer. It was his decision to stop dating - but because of (genuine) circumstantial reasons which meant he didn't feel he could be dating just now - not personal to me. Since we friendzoned we still message frequently (like, way more often than I message my other friends) and have met up platonically a couple of times. I know I should move on and shouldn't still be counting him as an iron but... I do. I'll call him Mr Tulip.

Not messaging anyone else - I don't have the headspace for multidating!

Naimee87 · 14/09/2021 20:12

@BelladiMamma totally understand if you’d rather not discuss but what were the compatibility issues with beard-flake? Had you met each other? Are you still in touch as friends? I can relate to the twitchy fingers with magnet-man. Is he yours then?

Naimee87 · 14/09/2021 20:15

@Dancerinthemoonlight really hope you get something new sorted then for work. Hard to get the balance right isn’t it. Either the works rubbish but the team/environments good or other way round. Guess i’ll be all on my own if ever i make into trucking.

Original poster

BelladiMamma · 14/09/2021 20:17

[quote Naimee87]@BelladiMamma totally understand if you’d rather not discuss but what were the compatibility issues with beard-flake? Had you met each other? Are you still in touch as friends? I can relate to the twitchy fingers with magnet-man. Is he yours then?[/quote]
We never met. It was insane, he was literally packing a bag to spend a weekend with me then flaked. I was literally in London waiting for him to arrive and I flaked. He then organised another weekend away for us and then flaked 24 hours before.

His story - depressive, Hillsborough survivor, other than his wife no real LTR. they met when they were very young and together til mid 40's

My story - fell off my horse and felt very unwell for our date so bailed

In touch from March til now. Lots of chat about what we were both looking for. Seemed to be on the same page. I backed off when I met MrBear but was transparent with him.

Updated information from him - getting transferred to Scotland so didn't feel timing was right as well as depressive episode.

Me: still gutted. Never mind eh

I was gutted as I fancied the pants off him throughout our virtual connection.

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Original poster

BelladiMamma · 14/09/2021 20:18

@Isitreallyme177

Today is just getting more stressful, I literally walked through the door 3 and half hours later and I only went out to get petrol and coke. Mr Cricket suggested this Thursday for dinner which usually wouldn't have been a problem. I call my ex to check what time everyone is coming to mine on Thursday and he gets arsey with me for arranging something that night says that Mr Cricket knows I'm going to the Isle of wight and suggested it deliberately, he is apparently coming to mine then going to sleep (where I have no clue as I've only got my bed now) then we'll be leaving for isle of wight at 2.30am. He then calls back and says it was unfair of him to get arsey etc. but does the passive aggressive thing of saying he'll come over later or sleep at his but we'll have to hope he wakes up. I've snapped at the cat 🥺😢 not replied to Mr Cricket yet and could just do with snuggling up to someone on the sofa.

I think my ex has a point Mr Cricket knows I'm going to the Isle of wight on Friday but I also think my ex may be a teeny bit jealous.

Poor you. That sounds very stressful and like your ex isn't helping at all.

Maybe suggest dinner when you're back from IoW and interfering / jealous ex is out of the way!

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Misty9 · 14/09/2021 20:23

I have mixed feelings on the whole multidating issue. To me it feels a bit inauthentic and disingenuous to be putting energy into more than one person...and I also feel it perpetuates the whole 'might be better round the corner' mentality that OLD creates. I get the argument about the other person probably doing it too, but I'm not sure that justifies it for me. But, they also say it's a numbers game so...? Whenever I've mentioned it to guys when we're at the dating stage, they're always a bit taken aback that I'd think they're seeing anyone else at the same time. Which could be bs...but I don't know how common it really is. All you can do is what feels right to you I think

Isitreallyme177 · 14/09/2021 20:46

@BelladiMamma thank you, I think it's also because I'm off work for 10 days as well so I'm getting stressed about that. I did eventually message him and say dinner when he gets back in a couple of weeks for definite but he is more than welcome to stop by for coffee and some cake (as I'm doing some therapeutic baking on Thursday) after his appointment.

Original poster

BelladiMamma · 14/09/2021 20:51

@Misty9

I have mixed feelings on the whole multidating issue. To me it feels a bit inauthentic and disingenuous to be putting energy into more than one person...and I also feel it perpetuates the whole 'might be better round the corner' mentality that OLD creates. I get the argument about the other person probably doing it too, but I'm not sure that justifies it for me. But, they also say it's a numbers game so...? Whenever I've mentioned it to guys when we're at the dating stage, they're always a bit taken aback that I'd think they're seeing anyone else at the same time. Which could be bs...but I don't know how common it really is. All you can do is what feels right to you I think

I have also been here too. I go through phases and at the moment I'm in multi date phase. Possibly because I'm not really ready for anything full on, I'd just like relationship lite at the moment

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Original poster

BelladiMamma · 14/09/2021 20:52

[quote Isitreallyme177]@BelladiMamma thank you, I think it's also because I'm off work for 10 days as well so I'm getting stressed about that. I did eventually message him and say dinner when he gets back in a couple of weeks for definite but he is more than welcome to stop by for coffee and some cake (as I'm doing some therapeutic baking on Thursday) after his appointment.[/quote]
Sounds sensible. The idea of both guys running into each other would put me on edge for sure!

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Naimee87 · 14/09/2021 20:57

@BelladiMamma that’s crazy flaking? When the events planned are so big. I can understand the flaking when its a coffee/drink at the local cafe/pub… but for a weekend trip that’s pretty tough. Then your accident seems the universe was playing a large part in keeping you apart for some reason!

Original poster

BelladiMamma · 14/09/2021 21:01

[quote Naimee87]@BelladiMamma that’s crazy flaking? When the events planned are so big. I can understand the flaking when its a coffee/drink at the local cafe/pub… but for a weekend trip that’s pretty tough. Then your accident seems the universe was playing a large part in keeping you apart for some reason![/quote]
Yeah. I found it really really hard. I mean he was sending me screenshots of everything he'd booked and I could see he'd spent money and we'd be talking all the time as well.

Quite possibly something else going on? But then again the reasons he gave were also quite plausible. He said he wasn't ready for a relationship and didn't want to meet just for a fling.

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Original poster

BelladiMamma · 14/09/2021 21:08

Then I hear stories from my male friends who are OLD and they still regard people from over a year ago as irons and options, it's just all about timing for them. To be fair, it's either other irons or major life trauma that's kept them apart

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Isitreallyme177 · 14/09/2021 21:10

@BelladiMamma yeah that would be a bit awkward, dinner will have to wait until we can enjoy the evening at our own pace on our own(gives me a bit more time to think of something to cook). It was more the fact he said Mr Cricket suggested it deliberately to inconvenience me. When in reality he suggested it as he is at an appointment nearby, then goes away for a week and is then back at work.

Original poster

BelladiMamma · 14/09/2021 21:12

[quote Isitreallyme177]@BelladiMamma yeah that would be a bit awkward, dinner will have to wait until we can enjoy the evening at our own pace on our own(gives me a bit more time to think of something to cook). It was more the fact he said Mr Cricket suggested it deliberately to inconvenience me. When in reality he suggested it as he is at an appointment nearby, then goes away for a week and is then back at work.[/quote]
Says more about how your ex's mind works I think 🧐

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Getbehindme · 14/09/2021 21:26

Oh man, so POF is nuts but there is a nice chap I've matched with. His profile was great. I tried to say so but I've some how implied that his is the worst of a bad bunch 🤦‍♀️.

I did follow up with an explanation of what I meant but I keep cringing at the thought of it!

Must. Not. Message. At. Work.

SpringlikeBunk · 14/09/2021 21:31

I don't think there's one right or wrong answer on multi-dating?

I think it's just a case of checking into how comfortable you feel and where you are with life stages, and trying to be reasonably ethical?

I do think the apps are designed to encourage "numbers game" style connections - I found that after one flaky/disappointing encounter I'd want to then emotionally heal myself by "hedging my bets" and match with as many guys as possible (even if I wasn't quite sure about any of them).

But also it can be interesting at times meeting lots of different random people? Like I know there's a few threadies who are just starting up being single so maybe want to meet a wide variety of dates to "see what they want"?

I've personally had my summer of a few random dates, but I think now I'm at the stage where I don't want to be in contact with anyone unless I'm 9/10 certain I'm really excited by them.

But I'm a different person emotionally to the person I was when I was multi-dating? Not better, just different.

My first time on Tinder I was only on for a few days and although I enjoyed the meets at the time and felt excited, I wouldn't meet ANY of them now!

Earlgrey19 · 14/09/2021 21:39

@Isitreallyme177 — defo bit of jealousy from ex. Annoying isn’t it, I know what that’s like.

An update:
I lightheartedly said today in a text to Mr Lovely Friend (who spent 6 weeks in Italy this summer) that he’d ‘fucked off to Italy and texted me a view’. He loved it! He said ‘at least now we know how you feel!’, and invited me to ‘abuse him in person’ when we hangout on Sat (!). I realise how much I can hold back if I like someone and that he hasn’t really had much idea that I like him.

Think this is an issue with Dr Sends Selfies in Scrubs too — I err on the side of minimal, though so has he, after his initial effort, though he always replies immediately if I text him (I don’t). God knows if we’ll make it to meeting IRL. After both saying we want to it’s been too tentative. Each seems to not want to be the one to firm it up. Might give it another shot.

WeWantTheFinestWines · 14/09/2021 21:51

Checking in to new thread. Celebrating just realising that pt means personal trainer, not physiotherapy. Every day is a school day.

VanGoghsDog · 14/09/2021 21:52

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Checking in to new thread. Celebrating just realising that pt means personal trainer, not physiotherapy. Every day is a school day.

I work in HR. To me it means part time.

dancemom · 14/09/2021 22:17

I'm absolutely fuming! I've been back on the apps for 2 days now and Mr Right still hasn't messaged me .... what's going on with that?? I mean I'm been doing my affirmations and willing him to be the next message I read so what's going on?? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Walkingalot · 14/09/2021 22:19

Thanks for the new thread Bella.
I sent MrNoKids the 'shall we keep in touch?' msg (at someone's suggestion as I kept stalling at an actual date) and all I got back was 'Hi, how are you?' I haven't replied or blocked. Honestly, I feel relief. I realise I'm not ready to actually meet anyone atm. I want to lose weight and get fit again. I seem to be gaining 1lb a day even though I'm not eating more. It's so frustrating. I knew giving up smoking wouldn't be easy but I didn't factor the rapid weight gain. Wont be getting my kit off for anyone soon!
Good luck to everyone else still in the game. x

WeWantTheFinestWines · 14/09/2021 22:26

I work in healthcare and to me it means patient. Seemed unlikely. So I ended up with physio...

WeWantTheFinestWines · 14/09/2021 22:28

@dancemom

I'm absolutely fuming! I've been back on the apps for 2 days now and Mr Right still hasn't messaged me .... what's going on with that?? I mean I'm been doing my affirmations and willing him to be the next message I read so what's going on?? 🤷🏻‍♀️

He's on the special island with Mr Perfect, Elvis and Lord Lucan.