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Original poster

To think maybe this is not normal

681 replies

Poppy298 · 12/09/2021 12:45

Long story short I’ve been noticing things that make me feel my relationship is not right. We have been together a long time but these little things have been getting worse. I don’t know if I’m genuinely to blame or if this isn’t normal.
So for example we don’t live together he asks me to do his food shopping (he works full time and me part time) so I am ok with that but if I can’t do it the day and hour he wants it he goes off on one. Today is another example I said I would drop the food shopping off at his work as he’s finishing earlier but his home and work is 30 min from me and I was going food shopping early so I said I would drop it at his work. He was ok with this. He then asked me to call him a taxi as he is working later now so that he could drop his food at his house and go back to work. I booked one online to be dispatched ASAP and taxis in the area were really busy and it took longer than expected. He then rang me to say it’s all my fault he will be late back to work because I should have waited around to take him back home on his lunch break so he wasn’t relying on taxis. He is now not speaking to me. Another thing is I went to collect him some new release trainers I got to the shop as soon as they opened especially so i got them in time, he then asked me to drive to his work (a further 25 minutes) and drop them off. I said I couldn’t do that and I would drop them off on Sunday (today) which I did. He is now telling me if the size is wrong and it doesn’t fit he wants the money off me for the shoes because all pairs have sold out now and if I’d have dropped them off on the day I bought them it wouldn’t have been a problem. He is so angry when he says all this and insults me at the same time. These are just little examples but they happen every day. I have to apologise all the time but I genuinely don’t think I’ve done wrong?

OP posts:
FlumpsAreShit · 12/09/2021 14:05

This wanker will completely ruin your life if you let him.

Get far, far away, finish your degree, regain your confidence and have the fabulous future you deserve. He is pathetic.

overnightangel · 12/09/2021 14:06

This couldn’t be more textbook , run like fuck, and enjoy the rest of your life !!!

Crayfishforyou · 12/09/2021 14:09

Dump the twunt.
He won’t change
You deserve better

ShutUpaYourFace · 12/09/2021 14:11

I want to your next comment OP to say "YES, I've ditched the good for nothing lazy, insulting bastard, and it feels great" At only 23 you've got years to find a better relationship. Finish it, block him, be happy.
Good luck

bpirockin · 12/09/2021 14:15

I offer you two words for him, the first starts with F and the second ends with it.

You are not his skivvy, and you deserve better.

Walk away, don't let him weasel his way back in, though I know from personal experience how hard that can be when you've spent years being a certain way. Have yourself a lovely life, and let him find someone else to do his chores/or finally grow up and take responsibility for his own shit.

Blueberryflavour · 12/09/2021 14:15

Look he targeted you at 18 because you were probably a little naive in understanding how a decent relationship should work. Judging by your updates he’s 6 years older than you, not a huge gap in age but I’m betting that he couldn’t find a woman nearer his own age who would put up with his shit. How much more time would you have to devote to your studies if you weren’t running round after his lazy arse, and getting insulted for your trouble? He’s trying to keep you “in your place” so that he can maintain his control, he knows that if you graduate and get a decent job you’ll dump him so fast his head will spin. So don’t wait, dump him now and enjoy looking forward to the rest of your life without this useless lump weighing you down, don’t worry about him he’ll find some other young or insecure woman to bully date.

Cherrysoup · 12/09/2021 14:17

You’re neither his mum nor his maid. Tell him to fuck off. A lot.

Mumsgirls · 12/09/2021 14:18

Thank bid you are not tied. Your time is too precious to waste on this nasty Pratt.
We all do stupid things when we are young. At least you can walk away before he ruins your life
Believe me one day you will look back and laugh at how stupid you were to accept this treatment
Need a nice satisfying way to dump him. Perhaps a resignation letter/ email from the position of unpaid pa/ skivvy.

TatianaBis · 12/09/2021 14:19

Good grief. Dump him and find a uni bf to talk about poetry and stars.

TillyTopper · 12/09/2021 14:19

What does he do for you? How loving is he to you? Or are you his skivvy? I'd get rid as he sounds, demanding, controlling and extremely difficult.

TheMamaYo · 12/09/2021 14:19

Good on you for getting angry. It's about time!!

PersonaNonGarter · 12/09/2021 14:20

Men like this always implode. They have usually been brought up to believe that they are Kings - and reality is a rude shock.

Orla1970 · 12/09/2021 14:26

You sound lovely bd he sounds like a dick. All this shit about no one will want you and you won’t make anything of yourself. Shocking. No one needs this in their life. Finish it. He is trying to control you. Let him run his own errands. End it. Focus on yourself and your studies. You’re you g and have bags of time to meet someone. Someone who deserves you and treats you well. What does this guy do for you? Anything? x

Wandawide · 12/09/2021 14:26

It seems John has not yet learned to Adult yet!
@Poppy298
There are pages about this from I think 'Rosemary'

Maskedstranger · 12/09/2021 14:27

Oh OP, please don't stay with this awful, abusive man! You could be having a happy life right now, enjoying your studies, free of his ridiculous demands and temper.

Tiramiwho · 12/09/2021 14:28

@Mydogisagentleman

My DH heard something on the radio about one of the Rolling Stones having a person to do everything for them. Apparently this individual is called a chore whore

Which wrinkly old tosser said this then?🤬
OP, you should check out the going rate for a PA, at someone's beck and call whenever they need you.
What a wanker.

Terriffids · 12/09/2021 14:28

The things you've told us about aren't just 'little things' OP. He's treating you appallingly. He's controlling you by getting you to do all his errands and then blaming you when things go wrong. He's also trying to brainwash you into thinking that you're worthless so that you can stay under his control.

As others have said, get rid, you are worth SO much more than this.

Theimpossiblegirl · 12/09/2021 14:31

Don't waste your youth on this loser. You deserve so much better and the first step to finding someone better is to cut him lose.

RacistAngst · 12/09/2021 14:37

@Poppy298

Yes he has made comments about me being at uni and that I won’t make it anywhere in life. He’s also very angry about his work situation. Apparently any good woman would have helped him to start a successful business so that he didn’t have to be an “employee” and could work for himself. But I didn’t do that, I don’t have a money tree plus his business ideas are shit anyway. Actually the more I think about all this crap I deal with the more angry I’m getting 😂
You are getting angry?

GOOD!

That is exactely where you need to be. Because atm he is treating appaulingly.

AcrossthePond55 · 12/09/2021 14:39

@Poppy298

Yes he has made comments about me being at uni and that I won’t make it anywhere in life. He’s also very angry about his work situation. Apparently any good woman would have helped him to start a successful business so that he didn’t have to be an “employee” and could work for himself. But I didn’t do that, I don’t have a money tree plus his business ideas are shit anyway. Actually the more I think about all this crap I deal with the more angry I’m getting 😂
Good!! Get angrier and end things. But first, do you have anything valuable or sentimental at his? If so, quietly collect it first. If it's just random clothes and things easily replaced, figure them 'lost' as the cost of doing business and end it now.

Then send him this; "Our relationship is no longer working for me and I am ending it. I do not need to explain myself to you so do not contact me." Whatever you do, do NOT 'JADE' (Justify, Apologize, Defend, or Explain) or let him make you feel you owe him an explanation or even a moment's time to justify himself. He'll never believe or understand what he's done 'wrong' but he'll have plenty to say about what you've done 'wrong'. Why put yourself through that? In the end you'll probably have to block him. Users like that rarely 'go quietly', they'll use every trick in the book to keep their 'slavey'. It's too hard and takes too much time to find and 'train' a new one.

If he has items at yours box and send them to him at work or to his home. If that's not practical (or too expensive) arrange for someone else to drop on his doorstep or in a public place or to be with you if you do it. Above all do NOT allow him to come and collect his things.

maddening · 12/09/2021 14:39

Get out now, call him today, tell him that you cannot believe you wasted so much time on him as he is such a useless prick, unpleasant, nasty using selfish fuck and that you don't want anything to do with him ever again.

Unless you need to get some belongings from his house, in which case pop round, get your stuff and then call him and dump that fucking tool and relish your new found freedom.

Dragongirl10 · 12/09/2021 14:39

Op I am amazed you think any of this is normal and even more amazed you would choose to be in this horrible relationship...

Very glad the scales have fallen from your eyes. Please leave him.

Peace43 · 12/09/2021 14:41

Look yourself in the mirror are repeat after me “I am not a doormat, I am not a doormat”. Then stop being a doormat.
He can do his own shopping, buy his own trainers and run round after himself like every other full time working human does!!!

Original poster
Poppy298 · 12/09/2021 14:41

To answer the question of what he does for me, not a lot really. He might say I love you once a week or something but that’s it, he can be loving maybe 25% of the time but it’s always short lived. Yes he has done me favours in the past like nipped into a shop for me if he’s been in town but I’d never ask him to do MY food shopping or anything like that and put him out of his way. And yes sometimes he makes me laugh but that’s it. I think I have been glossing over all the bad parts for so long that I really don’t know where to go from here. My family hate him and I understand why but he made me think that they just didn’t want me to be with him because of his ethnicity. Honestly this story just gets longer ha! I LOVE the idea of a resignation as PA letter 😂

OP posts:
SheldonesqueTheBstard · 12/09/2021 14:45

Next bf?

They don’t need to say they love you if they show it all the time.

Not with anything flash.

Just kindness, consideration, little things said and done to make you smile from the inside out and to make you feel that you are in a proper partnership.

Folk can say they love you like god bless you.

It is better to feel loved than to simply hear it.