To think maybe this is not normal

[Poppy298]

Long story short I’ve been noticing things that make me feel my relationship is not right. We have been together a long time but these little things have been getting worse. I don’t know if I’m genuinely to blame or if this isn’t normal.
So for example we don’t live together he asks me to do his food shopping (he works full time and me part time) so I am ok with that but if I can’t do it the day and hour he wants it he goes off on one. Today is another example I said I would drop the food shopping off at his work as he’s finishing earlier but his home and work is 30 min from me and I was going food shopping early so I said I would drop it at his work. He was ok with this. He then asked me to call him a taxi as he is working later now so that he could drop his food at his house and go back to work. I booked one online to be dispatched ASAP and taxis in the area were really busy and it took longer than expected. He then rang me to say it’s all my fault he will be late back to work because I should have waited around to take him back home on his lunch break so he wasn’t relying on taxis. He is now not speaking to me. Another thing is I went to collect him some new release trainers I got to the shop as soon as they opened especially so i got them in time, he then asked me to drive to his work (a further 25 minutes) and drop them off. I said I couldn’t do that and I would drop them off on Sunday (today) which I did. He is now telling me if the size is wrong and it doesn’t fit he wants the money off me for the shoes because all pairs have sold out now and if I’d have dropped them off on the day I bought them it wouldn’t have been a problem. He is so angry when he says all this and insults me at the same time. These are just little examples but they happen every day. I have to apologise all the time but I genuinely don’t think I’ve done wrong?

@billy1966 thank you I have only just seen your comment. I really appreciate your kind words ❤️

Thanks everyone. It’s really helping tbh venting on here. Feel like I’ve got a whole little community behind me 💪🏼. Just as I start missing him and wondering if things could have somehow been different, he then sends me those messages. Just the reminder I needed of why I even left in the first place.

Honestly they’re the messages of a petulant teenager.
What a fucking twat.

Keep going OP

I know you're reluctant op , but please do consider changing your phone number. It's a huge hassle , but it will stop all of this.

I changed mine years ago for similar reasons and I have no regrets at all.

He’s unbelievable! Don’t for one iota even think about the insults and messages from him. It will bug the crap out of him that you’re not responding. And be glad that you’re safe and out/away from the nonsense that he’s been doing. We are definitely all behind you.

Changing your number might be the plan as at least you’ll have peace of mind there that he can’t contact you.

With my ex, I was lucky. He didn’t believe I was leaving him (remember that I too would never find anyone who would put up with me etc) until my brother showed up to help me move my stuff out. He was then so disgusted at my “betrayal” that I didn’t even warrant a message (yay!). I did get a load of messages from
him when I dared to start dating another guy 6m down the line, but that was that. We had quite a few mutual friends and when he found his next victim, he told me (via friends) that he wouldn’t speak to me because it would make his new partner jealous (I may have said that also was fine, as I was quite happy with my new partner and there wasn’t a chance in hell that I’d even contemplate going back to dating the ex. That went down like a sack of shit, but I didn’t care).

You’re going to be fine xx

Be thankful he sends messages like this as it is a reminder of what a nasty piece of work he truly is.
He was never nice to you. He gaslit you to make you question your own self worth.
So pleased you are out of this with your life ahead of you.

He is an unmitigated gobshite OP, you are so lucky to have gotten him out of your life.

He is his texts....an ugly man and character.

You're doing so well! He's following the script exactly isn't he? They always do.

My abusive ex called me a 'fat cunt' one day and something just clicked. I joined a gym and got up at 5am every day for 6 months, exercising 6 times a week and restricting my diet. Every single gym session was fuelled by my hatred of him. I lost over 30kg and he didn't mention my weight loss once. Never, once acknowledged it. I still hate him with every fibre of my being. He is now living with his parents like the useless sack of shit he actually is and naturally doesn't contribute anything towards our DD. Who also hates him.

I did the Freedom programme online and also read Lundy's book. I quite enjoyed having it displayed on the bookshelves in plain sight. He was far too thick to cotton on.

I did the Freedom programme online and also read Lundy's book. I quite enjoyed having it displayed on the bookshelves in plain sight. He was far too thick to cotton on.

Feel like I’ve got a whole little community behind me

You do.

Keep going, my love, you're doing so well. If necessary, reread the thread, especially your first post to remind yourself of the reality of what it was like being with him.

Now you can study without worrying about getting to Aldi, or whatever admin tasks he sets you, and can go and talk to anyone you please. Go and chat to a chap in the library, maybe even go for a coffee with him, or someone! You can do what you like.

Because your life has absolutely revolved around Twat for years, you might find some decisions quite hard, or that you feel bit lost over how to make them. That's normal too. I remember being absolutely blank about what colour toothbrush to choose because I'd always chosen the colour I knew he wouldn't want! I stared at those things for so long, and eventually left the shop without buying one at all. Thought about why it was important to choose the 'right' colour, reminded myself that it didn't matter any more, and that opened up a whole new way of thinking for me. I got the toothbrush the next day btw

For the love of all that is sane...

CHANGE your number ....

Im glad he's following the Dick schedule to a T ....

He's showing you exactly who he is and what he thinks of you...

you are worth so much more 💕

Hope youre ok op i know its a hassle but do consider changing your number will be a huge weight off your mind

Hi everyone. Just an update as I’ve been quiet for a while. I’ve changed my number. He rang on no caller id which I wouldn’t normally answer but I was expecting a call from another person who said it might come through as unknown. Anyway once I was on the phone he said he was going to make me blind in both eyes and then I’d see who he truly was and that was my “final warning” Needless to say I have sought appropriate action as a result of that and I am completely fine. Just glad now I am rid

Oh my poor love! You ok? Have you called the police etc? Please tell us you’re safe etc?

Hey yes I have don’t worry and I am perfectly safe. This is several days ago now I just haven’t updated for a while!

Oh my goodness.
I am so sorry but not suprised.

He was a highly abusive man.

Thank God you have gotten away.

I really hope he has been dealt with very firmly.

Stay safe.

Thanks for your update, @Poppy298. Loads of us will have been looking out for one. Great that you've got the police involved. Great that you've managed to keep away from this vile man. Fortunately, he's making that rather easy with his relentless nastiness. Men like him hate women unless those women are abjectly meek and obedient. They don't think women are truly human but rather that women exist only to do men's bidding.

As @billy1966 said - thank God you've got away from him. If you haven't done so already, it may be worth getting some therapy lined up if you can because 5 years with this man is going to have left you traumatised. The trauma may only start to show up once the dust has settled somewhat but there will surely be some processing to do and some re-education as to what is normal and acceptable in a relationship.

He is awful, you have done the right thing. I hope they throw the book at him.

Oh my goodness! That is awful. Glad you are okay. Have the police spoken to him?

Thanks for the update @Poppy298. I'm sorry you've had to deal with this but thank goodness you've asked for help and can safely move on from this dangerous, vile misogynistic man.

Your life will be better without him in it. Take care. 🌹

Omg! Thank goodness you are away from that freak! Stay safe and I hope that they take action against him!

Well done for getting away from him. I wish you all the best for your future.