To think maybe this is not normal

[Poppy298]

Long story short I’ve been noticing things that make me feel my relationship is not right. We have been together a long time but these little things have been getting worse. I don’t know if I’m genuinely to blame or if this isn’t normal.
So for example we don’t live together he asks me to do his food shopping (he works full time and me part time) so I am ok with that but if I can’t do it the day and hour he wants it he goes off on one. Today is another example I said I would drop the food shopping off at his work as he’s finishing earlier but his home and work is 30 min from me and I was going food shopping early so I said I would drop it at his work. He was ok with this. He then asked me to call him a taxi as he is working later now so that he could drop his food at his house and go back to work. I booked one online to be dispatched ASAP and taxis in the area were really busy and it took longer than expected. He then rang me to say it’s all my fault he will be late back to work because I should have waited around to take him back home on his lunch break so he wasn’t relying on taxis. He is now not speaking to me. Another thing is I went to collect him some new release trainers I got to the shop as soon as they opened especially so i got them in time, he then asked me to drive to his work (a further 25 minutes) and drop them off. I said I couldn’t do that and I would drop them off on Sunday (today) which I did. He is now telling me if the size is wrong and it doesn’t fit he wants the money off me for the shoes because all pairs have sold out now and if I’d have dropped them off on the day I bought them it wouldn’t have been a problem. He is so angry when he says all this and insults me at the same time. These are just little examples but they happen every day. I have to apologise all the time but I genuinely don’t think I’ve done wrong?

@Poppy298 don't worry if the journalling is gobbledy gook when you read it back - just write it down as you feel it - it will stop it spinning around your head

[quote NotSorry]@Poppy298 don't worry if the journalling is gobbledy gook when you read it back - just write it down as you feel it - it will stop it spinning around your head[/quote]
Totally agree. Journalling is all about 'stream of consciousness'. You write what you think/feel as it pops into your head without regards for 'sense' or 'organization'.

At some point down the road you'll look at it and it will show you how far you've come.

Hi Poppy if the sound of the phone ringing is making you nervous even if you’ve already blocked him, it might be a silly suggestion, but could you assign a distinctive ring tone to friendly people like your sister who ring you frequently so that it’s an automatic indication that the call is from a friendly person . Eg a nice bit of music. Then you won’t have to worry because you’ll know it’s a nice caller.

I think OP meant she USED to be nervous of the phone ringing.

@Poppy298

He did try to sabotage my studies to be honest last year by accusing me of “meeting men” in the library toilets 🤣🤣🤣 now I look back this is honestly so funny the shit I have listened to. That came about because I didn’t answer the phone because I was trying to do some work.

I think I will genuinely need to take some time to figure out why I thought this was ok and to stop be getting into another relationship like this.

Just because HE has fantasies of stranger-sex. He's projecting here OP. He's told you who he is.

You have listened.

If you were my DD, I would waste me breath telling you 'told you so' - I genuinely wouldn't have the air inside me to be so twattish because as a Mum, I'd be breathing a massive sigh of relief and high-fiving your Dad quietly, mouthing "Thank God".

Unless you've learned this submissive behaviour from them?

Keep him blocked abs grey rock him if you see him.

Tell everyone you've broken up with him. Be honest, keep it short.

If there's security in your building - tell them.

Do the Freedom Program. It's essential that you do - you need to decompress and learn about yourself (I say this kindly).

Finally, as a previous poster said, Live your best life. Don't look back. X

I'm very proud of you @Poppy298

*wouldn't waste my breath!! Wouldn't!!! Gah!

You are an intelligent young woman why are you doing this? Thats not how relationships work…

I’m a PA and i wouldnt do that stuff!

@JennyJ75

You are an intelligent young woman why are you doing this? Thats not how relationships work…

I’m a PA and i wouldnt do that stuff!

@JennyJ75

Perhaps you should read the thread (or even just OPs posts) before commenting on a week old thread that has moved on significantly in 7 days

@JennyJ75

You are an intelligent young woman why are you doing this? Thats not how relationships work…

I’m a PA and i wouldnt do that stuff!

🙄 ffs

So glad for you Poppy ! Wonder if he found a toilet seat 🤣🤣🤣

Well done. Now you can enjoy life at uni and as a normal 23 year old. Dont engage with him ever again.

@notlongtillxmas 🤣 my sister told me I got another voicemail following that one saying “don’t worry I’ll find one myself” like it’s things like that that I used to have to do for him, I feel like I’ve been babysitting for 5 years 😂 but I can only see it now all of these things

You keep laughing with your sister
Enjoy your new life 💐

One thing I’m learning is to not go into details with anyone about why we are not together

1. He will lie anyway
2. It’s nobody’s business
3. Quite frankly I can’t be arsed explaining myself with the usual comments “why did you not leave” blah blah

He has a friend who works in the local Sainsbury’s on the door and I unfortunately saw him as I went in yesterday. He said oh sorry to hear about you and .. he told me but that’s not cool you know what you’ve done to him, so I just walked off. Fuck knows what he’s been saying but what’s the point even wasting my time explaining myself.

What the fuck am I reading . Are you seriously putting up with this 😂

@peardropsonarainyday

No she’s not, if you read the thread or even filter just by the OP’s posts, you can see she has already dumped him

Hope you're ok @Poppy298. I figured that people always have an opinion, so really you have to do what is best for you. Your idiot ex will tell the world what a nightmare you were (whilst conveniently not mentioning all the shit he put you through), but the main thing is that you're out of that whole god-awful mess. So many people, that I considered as friends, stopped talking to me when I dared to leave ex. I was some sort of social pariah. However, my good friends stuck around, were an amazing support and understood. How are you doing now, one week in?

@TicTac80 it’s really hard not speaking to him. I know he’s horrible to me but it’s all I’ve known for 5 years now. I’ve been swimming every day which really helps plus good for fitness too. I spent the day with my sister yesterday and bought myself some new things (something I would never have done) incase he asked me for money for something. And today I’ve got quite a chilled day so I’m just going to catch up on some tv and tidy up. I’m really worried though, my period is about 3 days late and it’s never late. I have been careful. My sis says it’s probably stress related.

Please do a pregnancy test just to put your mind at rest. Your sister is probably right, it's stress but thinking you might be pregnant to this arsehole will just stress you more. And without sounding harsh, the earlier you know, the more options you have!
Good luck Poppy, stay strong

It could def be stress-related. I remember having similar. Hopefully it will show up soon, but if in doubt, get a test (for your own peace of mind).

I'm not surprised that it is hard not speaking to him. I'm betting that he expected you to be "on hand" and contactable 24/7 over the past 5yrs. You spent the past 5yrs living according to how HE wanted things. That's not an easy thing to suddenly switch out of. However, you're doing really well. Spend as much time as possible (either virtually or in real life) with your good friends, you sister and family. Things will get easier as time goes by xx

Absolutely the right thing to do, turning on your heel When some dumb idiot thinks it’s ok to call out comments about your life in the middle of Sainsbury’s-as if you’re supposed to justify yourself to that twit!
As staff he has no business harassing customers like that.
Of course the ex has a big old poor me sob story, and is making himself the centre of attention. But the people he’s telling are used to his tall tales.

He’s probably wound them up too in his time since he is so selfish and with the way he expresses himself, it’s so apparent to anyone with a grain of sense why you might have left. It will quickly be stale stale news and people will soon be bored. He can take comfort in his new loo seat!

Of course it’s difficult not to think of someone if they’ve been in your life for a while but every new update just demonstrates to you that binning him was right. It releases a whole lot of free time for YOU!
Good for you swimming, treating your self and having fun with your sis. Just thinking you could make a great Spotify list, starting with Freedom by George Micheal, and maybe Respect by Aretha

Probably is stress related, but Good advice from @Youdoyoutoday and Tic Tak.

Yes, you are obliged to explain to nobody, OP. Best to avoid any mutual acquaintances for a bit, probably. My ex used to try and use these to get to me. Have you got other friends for support?

This is outrageous!! Get angry about being treated like his PA and find someone who cherishes you.