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Original poster

Should I apologise for my reaction at being the victim of a stupid prank

268 replies

VoyeursVictim · 07/09/2021 11:54

Posting here as this is more looking for advice about the people involved than the actions that were committed. Sorry if it’s long.

Stupid male colleague thinks he’s the work joker, lots of inappropriate jokes and behaviour, I’ve complained about him before as some of his pranks could cause serious injuries to someone. We had a guest in the work location, for the sake of this imagine it’s a sports centre and the staff shower and change there.

The men’s shower was broken when male guest visited and so there was taking in turns using the women’s. Joker colleague told him that the shower was free for men so in he walked, to see me in all my glory. I freaked out as I have had issues with a previous boyfriend and a secret camera in his bedroom so this is a trigger for me feeling really violated and vulnerable. In the moment I just had to walk away as soon as I was dressed and told guest to leave me alone as he was chasing after me saying joker told me it was ok and it wasn’t his (guest’s) fault.

Joker colleague is being dealt with, finally he’s facing real action this time and he’s facing dismissal. My post isn’t about him but the guest.

Guest has said that the situation demands an apology and they want reassurance that I am not going to go around telling anyone that he walked in and saw me naked. He’s worrying about his reputation and repercussions of this being generally known about.

I don’t feel I should apologise or give any such commitment. He’s as much a victim of the prank as I am admittedly.

What would you advise me to say to this person?

OP posts:
BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 07/09/2021 16:47

No, I screamed and said why are you in here? Guest went out and then I got dressed while trying to prevent myself having a panic attack. I was tearful and shaking when I exited the shower room and guest was waiting for me and kept following me out of the building as I walked to my car. That’s when I said please just leave me alone. I got in my car and left. No swearing involved.

You have nothing to apologise for, nothing whatsoever. He had no right to harass you, or to police your response to what happened.

Fluffyandsilly · 07/09/2021 16:49

Oh that's great news OP!
I was following this thread this morning and did think about gently suggesting there might have been a misunderstanding, so I'm glad that was the case.

The "joker" is an absolute fucking idiot. I'm so glad your work is treating him as he deserves.
You can always say you'll think about the restraining order, and maybe go for it if he does try to contact you.

Hope you can relax tonight. Sending you unmumsnetty hugs.

diddl · 07/09/2021 16:51

@Handsoffstrikesagain

The company sound like they’ve handled it well, but I suspect that’s also in part due to the fact that they know they’ve screwed up in not looking after the staff facilities better. The joker is the one in the wrong but the poor management of facilities has technically allowed this to happen. I wonder if they are concerned you will sue.
It was all so easily preventable wasn't it?
MatildaIThink · 07/09/2021 16:52

@Handsoffstrikesagain

The company sound like they’ve handled it well, but I suspect that’s also in part due to the fact that they know they’ve screwed up in not looking after the staff facilities better. The joker is the one in the wrong but the poor management of facilities has technically allowed this to happen. I wonder if they are concerned you will sue.
I am not sure on what grounds the OP could sue.
HomeSliceKnowsBest · 07/09/2021 16:55

He is a victim blaming cunt and can whistle for an apology.

AntiSocialDistancer · 07/09/2021 16:58

This is a fantastic resolution so far.

Please take the allowance of some time to think. Shut it all down for a couple of days and let it settle and decide your next steps once you've had a break, and take some time off work.

The company had an obligation to keep you safe, the fact it hasn't and you get a couple of days off is pennies to them.

Your mental health and your recovery is valid and important. Take some time and take care Flowers

MatildaIThink · 07/09/2021 16:59

@HomeSliceKnowsBest

He is a victim blaming cunt and can whistle for an apology.
Did you bother to read the OP's post where she said that there was a misunderstanding and he had not asked for an apology, but actually written one to her which he asked HR to pass on, or did you just decide to rant and defame instead?
NewlyGranny · 07/09/2021 16:59

That's a good outcome, OP. When you've given yourself time to let the stress of it all pass, you'll be ready to decide what you want to do about it.

I'm glad "joker" has been sacked. He was never funny! And it sounds as if your employer stepped up, if a bit late. I would consider asking for a restraining order against the ex employee in case he decides to make trouble. If he has no plans to harass you, it won't make any difference to him, and if he hatches any plans it will give him a moment of pause and save time if you ever need to report him.

FlaviaAlbiaWantsLangClegBack · 07/09/2021 17:09

Oh thank goodness, so glad that was the outcome! Hope you can destress now without it hanging over your head!

Chloemol · 07/09/2021 17:13

Guest is not entitled to an apology from you, or the assurance you won’t talk about it

Tell guest to do one

TopBlogger · 07/09/2021 17:17

@Chloemol

Guest is not entitled to an apology from you, or the assurance you won’t talk about it

Tell guest to do one

Read OP's posts Hmm
grey12 · 07/09/2021 17:23

If they are known I could understand they may need reassurance you aren't going public with this. Especially since it wasn't exactly his fault. He trusted what the other guy said.

As it comes to apologies between you two, they need to come from HIM and never you. But it seems he already did. Not that you were ready to accept them at the time but he did.

BlackAlys · 07/09/2021 17:39

@chocolateorangeinhaler

You were very rude to tell the guest to leave you alone. It wasn't their fault. As for the joker. That was a pre meditated prank designed to cause upset. So he needs to sacked.

Can I also ask why there was no lock on the door if showers are having to be shared? That's a management failure for a start.

He walked in on her naked! She isn't blaming him but she understandably doesn't want to engage in dialogue with him about it! I totally understand that.
LIZS · 07/09/2021 17:45

No, you were both set up and humiliated. Hope the so called prankster is taken to task. Has the incident been reported to police?

littlefireseverywhere · 07/09/2021 17:48

Glad HR are doing the right thing, so sorry this happened to you.

Dizzy1234 · 07/09/2021 17:50

Great outcome op, at least the company is taking it seriously and is supporting you.
I'd be horrified it this happened to me.
I'd take a couple of days off and just relax.
As for the guy that walked in on you, he sounds like a good 'un, he seems to understand how mortify that must have been for you.
Take a breath then decide what works for, when you feel better you may be able to speak to him and put it behind you, he'll be as keen as you to forget all about it.
Take it easy and be kind to yourself ❤️

Lweji · 07/09/2021 17:53

Good outcome.

But, this
"I wonder if they are concerned you will sue."

Some form of compensation would certainly be due. Do take advantage of the days off and counselling.
But this could certainly have been easily prevented (for example, by male staff using customers' facilities).

Garriet · 07/09/2021 17:53

Glad it’s sorted OP. By all means access the legal advice the company are offering but I’d be surprised if you could actually get a court ordered restraining order based on this single incident, unless you could evidence threat/reason to be afraid of repercussions.

senua · 07/09/2021 17:58

Excellent outcome, OP. Have a rest and take care of yourself.

ItsNotMeAnymore · 07/09/2021 18:30

I'm surprised at The extremely speedy outcome. It's happened so quick. I'm surprised the place has an HR department for starters. Unless it's part of some bigger national company. Not sure they were right to tell you what happened to the joker. That seems a bit bizarre and very unprofessional.
I'm also bewildered by their offer to help you get a restraining order. What an earth did you say in reply to that?

GreyhoundG1rl · 07/09/2021 18:35

I'm also bewildered by their offer to help you get a restraining order. What an earth did you say in reply to that?
Strange indeed. These are issued by judges in criminal court cases, not by HR departments, unless I'm severely mistaken.

BertramLacey · 07/09/2021 18:56

Strange indeed. These are issued by judges in criminal court cases, not by HR departments, unless I'm severely mistaken.

I'm assuming they meant that if the OP decided to go to the police, they would give her evidence that proves the joker's wrongdoing.

Rainbowsew · 07/09/2021 19:05

Sounds a good outcome.

prettybird · 07/09/2021 19:10

The prankster might blame the OP for being sacked rather than his own stupid actions so may try to come "after" her in some way.

Having the support of the company should she need it will be reassuring Smile

Echobelly · 07/09/2021 19:13

Glad it worked out well and 'joker' was dismissed - behaviour like that which could distress someone (both you for the fright and the guest who feared he'd be framed as a peeping tom) is totally unacceptable. Hope you recover soon.