Should I apologise for my reaction at being the victim of a stupid prank

[VoyeursVictim]

Posting here as this is more looking for advice about the people involved than the actions that were committed. Sorry if it’s long.

Stupid male colleague thinks he’s the work joker, lots of inappropriate jokes and behaviour, I’ve complained about him before as some of his pranks could cause serious injuries to someone. We had a guest in the work location, for the sake of this imagine it’s a sports centre and the staff shower and change there.

The men’s shower was broken when male guest visited and so there was taking in turns using the women’s. Joker colleague told him that the shower was free for men so in he walked, to see me in all my glory. I freaked out as I have had issues with a previous boyfriend and a secret camera in his bedroom so this is a trigger for me feeling really violated and vulnerable. In the moment I just had to walk away as soon as I was dressed and told guest to leave me alone as he was chasing after me saying joker told me it was ok and it wasn’t his (guest’s) fault.

Joker colleague is being dealt with, finally he’s facing real action this time and he’s facing dismissal. My post isn’t about him but the guest.

Guest has said that the situation demands an apology and they want reassurance that I am not going to go around telling anyone that he walked in and saw me naked. He’s worrying about his reputation and repercussions of this being generally known about.

I don’t feel I should apologise or give any such commitment. He’s as much a victim of the prank as I am admittedly.

What would you advise me to say to this person?

That's a great outcome. I hope you slept well or at least better.

My only concern is why they suggested a restraining order against the Joker. Is he after revenge as he see's you (and not his own stupid actions) as being the reason he lost his job? I'd have another word with management to clarify this and also take independent advice.
And definitely take a few days off.

Just keep it in mind that your company are behaving this way because they know they are in deep shit.
The staff facilities aren't adequate.
You have previously filed reports about the jokers dangerous pranks and been ignored.

Don't be surprised if the other victim is looking to claim for his reputational loss due to their previous inactions.
Take time before you agree anything with your company. You might be amazed what comes out in the next few weeks.

No, don't apologize as you did nothing wrong.

You could just say to him that you understand why he did it and aren't going to acuse him of anything or anything like that. Though I imagine you already said that.

He sounds a bit of a dodgy dick himself TBH. Sorry you have to work with suchh a*holes.

READ THE UPDATE FFS

Glad hr have taken it seriously! Hope you've recovered now.

@chocolateorangeinhaler

You were very rude to tell the guest to leave you alone. It wasn't their fault. As for the joker. That was a pre meditated prank designed to cause upset. So he needs to sacked.

Can I also ask why there was no lock on the door if showers are having to be shared? That's a management failure for a start.

Not rude at all. Why didn't he leave her well alone or just say sorry and leave it at that. Your response is blaming her for nothing. There should have been someone trusted supervising the showers and that is down to management. They should be dealing with this and not expecting anything from you as you are the injured party.

@VoyeursVictim

Hi again, back from the meeting, it went really well. I feel a bit daft as there has been a miscommunication about the apology. Basically HR said that “the situation demands an apology” meaning that guest actually suggested he apologise to me, he realised that he had scared me and that following me to the car made it worse. He also thought that I’d rather not meet him in person so wrote a letter apologising, and has said he can run his class at times I don’t work so I don’t have to see him. So I’ll consider that for a couple of days.

I have had a written apology from the MD about it and they’re putting in a pass card lock on the door so that it won’t let men in during the women’s changing time and vice versa. They admitted it ought to have been considered before. There was a lot of grovelling in the meeting.

Joker has been dismissed and banned from the three clubs that are in the company. The HR person asked me if I wanted them to look into a restraining order and they would pay for it and the legal advice. Again I have some time to consider.

Manager has said that I can have some time off if I need, on the company rather than using holiday. Lots of suggestions about where I can get support and offer of counselling.

I’m totally exhausted now so forgive me if I don’t look at this thread this evening, I am going to have something to eat and then have an early night.

Thanks for the support, it really helped me go into the meeting with my thoughts straight.

Fantastic outcome. Shame that it took this incident that shouldn't have happened to get safeguards put in place. So nice that the guest was the one wanting to apologise and offer to change his shifts. Sounds like he was mortified by it all. Hope you are well and recovered from the stress of it x

Well done OP. I'm glad they're treating the situation with the seriousness it demands and offering you support. Rest up.

That's a great outcome. Although I don't think you have to be worried about the prankster idiot coming after you, I would be tempted to ask them to pursue the legal advice about restraining order, if only to hammer home to him the awful outcomes of his stupid pranks. The more he suffers now, the less (hopefully) he will do awful things like this in the future.

Hello, thanks for all the support again. I was exhausted yesterday and had a panic attack so it’s just as well I am using the time off they gave me.

I don’t know the ins and outs of the joker being dismissed, we have this consultant that does our HR that comes in for specific things. My SIL asked what was happening with joker and they said that he was no longer with the business, SIL said does that mean he’s sacked. HR said he won’t be seen in any of the clubs as he’s banned. On the way out my friend said to me he was sacked and had to clear out his locker with the manager watching and walking him off the premises.

I think they realise they messed up so are bending over backwards with things now. I have no idea about how restraining orders work but will look into that and see if it’s worth it. It’s a small place I live in so I might see joker, possibly. We don’t really go to the same places socially so it’s hard to guess how much I might bump into him.

Anyway I am feeling better today. Thanks again for the replies.

Thanks for updating us, OP. Glad you're feeling better today x

Oh @VoyeursVictim I hope you recover You've been so strong and clear. Many congratulations.

@VoyeursVictim - if I were you I'd get this thread removed before the gutter press pick it up, as they regularly trawl this site for juicy gossip, and this would be a field day for them.