Boyfriend has lost his head and I'm due a baby in 5 weeks

[keegslittlepenguin]

Hello

Hoping someone can offer advice

My partner and I got together last June, I fell pregnant in January and we both planned the baby.

Before I fell pregnant everything was great,

Slowly he started to change even said he didn't want the baby,

He started a new job 3 months ago and changed more

Then out of nowhere he said he feels time is running out and wants to go out with the lads.

I let him have a full weekend staying at his mates where he done what he wanted

He said he's gonna do it weekly until baby is here

I told him I think it's unfair sleeping out every weekend

Even his family agree with me

I have also had issues with baby and upto a month ago he said he didn't want her and admitted he is really scared about bring a dad

He come to a scan 2 weeks ago and cried and realised he does want her he's scared which I totally understand

After a series of arguments over him wanting to be out and naming absolutely no effort with me he's gone to his sisters

He has been out all weekend again and said he will.come tonight and stay.

Question is do I let him continue his blow outs how long do I allow it or do I just call it a day because he's leaving me at my most vulnerable time.

I do love him and feel none of my feelings have been taken into consideration at all he's been very selfish

Any advice welcome

@ManifestDestinee

This is exactly what anyone with sense would expect to happen when you purposefully get knocked up by a younger man you've been with for 5 minutes. Cut your losses, move on and have more sense in the future.

I'm just going to quote this and stop this pointless debating with a poster who clearly has personal skin in the game.

And who's managed to acknowledge ops existing kids once so far, after being prodded about them upwards of three times.

It seems op also doesn't like the (realistic) responses, so best of luck to her.

I hope for everyone in her family's sake, this guy starts acting a lot better than he has to date.

@SudokuZebra

Only on Mumsnet, would it be unreasonable to suggest a 29 year old man who , prior to conception , had actively agreed he wanted to try for a baby , is more than old enough to know not to behave like such a dickhead to his pregnant partner

Anyway, I will leave the posters on this thread to continuously goad a heavily pregnant women from behind the anonymity of their keyboards. I bet they are so proud ....

Of course he's more than old enough to know better. But then again so is OP, and she still acted insanely. Neither of them seems to know how to behave properly, and his behavior was easy to predict. Faux shock at it is not helpful.

actively agreed he wanted to try for a baby

When someone is quite young, as never been a parent, you're known them 6 months, youre seeing then during abnormal circumstances (with lack of social opportunities) and you gave two older kids in your home affected by everything you do .... perhaps his agreement should be treated with some small degree of caution!!!!!

You are the one taking all the risks.

His sole risk us having 12% of his salary taken off him. If he stays employed.

You keep ignoring op's existing kids in all this.

@SudokuZebra

There's no faux shock from me. His behaviour is shocking. He was not trapped, he was not caught by a split condom , he actively agreed to try for this.

Most men of 29 are not dissapearing for the weekend and partying for days on end , and having mini breakdowns at the scan etc. His behaviour is shockingly awful and shouldn't be normalised.

Are you saying OP's choices were perfectly reasonable and wise? She's got zero accountability here?

@SudokuZebra

There's no faux shock from me. His behaviour is shocking. He was not trapped, he was not caught by a split condom , he actively agreed to try for this.

Most men of 29 are not dissapearing for the weekend and partying for days on end , and having mini breakdowns at the scan etc. His behaviour is shockingly awful and shouldn't be normalised.

She actively agreed to.

Most women of 36 with 2 kids are not gettig pregnant by losers they hve known 5 minutes. They aren't moving new men in with their children. Her behaviour is pretty bad too and shouldn't be normalised.

The whole thing is a shit tip, and they are equally responsible for it all. The only innocent parties here are the children, who seem entirely unconsidered.

Noone us normalising his behaviour, merely pointing out that him being a younger man whom op only knew 6 months in abnormal circumstances was not a great recipe for a harmonious, committed family life.

Most people on here would say he should have barely been introduced to ops kids by 6 months, let alone living wity them and ttc with their mum. And I'd agree.

This situation is not fair on them, it wouldn't have been fair even if he wasn't acting like this.

You keep ignoring that, I winder why.

no I don't think she's unreasonable to date a man of 28

Are you now having debates with yourself?

No-one has the slightest problem with op dating a 29 Yr old man.

I don't think she's unreasonable to make a mutual decision to try for a baby with him

Then you're as daft as she is.

I don't think she's unreasonable to make a mutual decision to try for a baby with him.

Then you're as irresponsible as they are.

Too much, too soon.

6 month relationship during lockdown.

Given her eldest is 11, she's clearly not trying for a baby with every man she meets.

What a completely irrelevant point.

It doesn't matter if or who she's ttc with.

Only that she'd need to actually know them properly before she moves them.into her kids home and conceives a baby with them.

@SudokuZebra

And with regards to the OP, no I don't think she's unreasonable to date a man of 28. I don't think she's unreasonable to make a mutual decision to try for a baby with him . Given her eldest is 11, she's clearly not trying for a baby with every man she meets.

I think he is very, very unreasonable to agree to try for a baby and then treat the OP so badly whilst she is heavily pregnant. I think you are also very unreasonable for making cyber bullying pregant women your hobby, ( whilst simultaneously claiming to be feminist ).

I find it not at all surprising that you want to blame the OP for the fact her partner is behaving horrendously. When in actual fact , he is behaving like an immature dickhead and the OP shouldn't be blamed for that by keyboard warriors on Mumsnet.

Her eldest is 14, her youngest 11.

Frankly I’m shocked that anyone on here could possibly think it’s REASONABLE to move in a new man and try for a baby within half a year WHEN SHE ALREADY HAS CHILDREN. SHE is the only one here who has a responsibility to those 2, and has acted in a way that will leave them confused and scared. She’s introduced a step dad, things have gone tits up basically immediately, but now their lives are massively changing. Had she waited, oh I don’t know, a responsible amount of time to introduce him, they probably would have never met him as the relationship wouldn’t have lasted.

He’s been feckless, but he has no responsibility to those other children. While he has moral responsibility for the new child, in practice that’s unenforceable beyond the odd bit of cash. Where as the poor children will be the ones hit with all this, and OP will be picking up the pieces.

Sorry but to say otherwise is to stick your head in the sand and purposefully deny reality.

People were nice but very “well this was always likely to happen, prepare to be a single mother” at the start when she seemed like a lost 17 year old. Then it turns out she’s a grown ass woman with other children she is responsible for, making stupid and damaging decisions.

I find it not at all surprising that you want to blame the OP for the fact her partner is behaving horrendously.

No-one is blaming op for his behaviour; they are just pointing out that she took a risk with this guy she moved in and decided to have a baby with within months; abd that is now affecting her, her unborn baby, and her existing kids.

@ManifestDestinee

I don't think she's unreasonable to make a mutual decision to try for a baby with him

Then you're as daft as she is.

Aaaand now you're cyber bullying her . Prepare for her to report your post and harass you everywhere.

that will leave them confused and scared.

The life lessons they are learning from him being "let" go partying every weekend all weekend with the heavily pregnantneither if his child at home, cause he's "lost his head", presumably rolling in on a Sunday to get his dinner (and probably his laundered clothes for work) is not exactly healthy either.

And they could not fail to pick up on the effect his horrendous statements about the baby have had on op.too.

@SudokuZebra

As for the rest of you , what does jumping into the thread to say "you conceived too soon" actually achieve, aside from upsetting someone who's pregnant and vulnerable. I'm genuinely gobsmacked so many people have taken the opportunity to bully a pregnant women.

People have given practical advice—unfortunately the only practical advice here is to set your expectations to absolute zero and prepare to be a single parent. And to do everything you can to protect your children.

Sudokuzebra I agree. It's disgusting. Offer advice by all means but people just putting the boot in is horrible.

what does jumping into the thread to say "you conceived too soon" actually achieve

If they're like me, I.imaginr they're hoping it give her perspective on the situation going forward ( in terms of not tolerating his shit), prevent her from repeating something like this in future, and think about her kids needs & rights more in future.