Boyfriend has lost his head and I'm due a baby in 5 weeks

[keegslittlepenguin]

Hello

Hoping someone can offer advice

My partner and I got together last June, I fell pregnant in January and we both planned the baby.

Before I fell pregnant everything was great,

Slowly he started to change even said he didn't want the baby,

He started a new job 3 months ago and changed more

Then out of nowhere he said he feels time is running out and wants to go out with the lads.

I let him have a full weekend staying at his mates where he done what he wanted

He said he's gonna do it weekly until baby is here

I told him I think it's unfair sleeping out every weekend

Even his family agree with me

I have also had issues with baby and upto a month ago he said he didn't want her and admitted he is really scared about bring a dad

He come to a scan 2 weeks ago and cried and realised he does want her he's scared which I totally understand

After a series of arguments over him wanting to be out and naming absolutely no effort with me he's gone to his sisters

He has been out all weekend again and said he will.come tonight and stay.

Question is do I let him continue his blow outs how long do I allow it or do I just call it a day because he's leaving me at my most vulnerable time.

I do love him and feel none of my feelings have been taken into consideration at all he's been very selfish

Any advice welcome

[Ughmaybenot]

Right, well it was a bit bloody daft to try to get pregnant by someone you’d been with 7 months, and as for saying it was great until you got pregnant, well yes, you were very firmly in the honeymoon period and barely knew each other!!
I’d be making plans for my new life as a single parent tbh. He doesn’t want the baby, he doesn’t particularly want you and he certainly doesn’t want a committed adult relationship.

[dworky]

@HollowTalk

The problem is that you got pregnant before you even knew him properly. This is what he's like. And no, he's not going to be a good partner or a good dad, either. He wants to be out with his mates. You have to plan a life without him.

She didn't get pregnant, she was impregnated by a man who didn't wear a condom but who has now decided he doesn't want to be responsible for the baby created.
OP, this man will never be a decent father or partner. You will bet better off leaving & having the baby alone

[Urghhhhh]

@QueeniesCroft

I think you need to spend this time sorting out support and help for the first few weeks, which can be brutal. He won't be much use to you, if he is there at all.

You might want to sort out a birth partner too- babies work to their own schedule and this one may arrive when he is out on the piss with his mates. I would think about not putting his name on the birth certificate too. It won't affect his liability for support payments, but it will mean that he has a much weaker legal position with regard to making decisions about the baby. And for the love of all that is holy, don't give the baby his surname!

I suppose that at least this one is giving you advance notice that he is about as much use as tits on a bull. Loads of them don't and there is a woman left stunned and unprepared when everything is dumped on her. Make plans, look for single parent support groups, and think about ditching the man-baby.

@keegslittlepenguin, this is very wise advice regarding the logistics and legal aspects. Be smart about it!

[Kuachui]

Sorry but you've made your bed by planning a child after hardly knowing someone.

Now that innocent beautiful little child is most likely going to have a sorry excuse of a father.

[Urghhhhh]

@dworky she's equally responsible for choosing to get pregnant and trust a guy she barely knew to take a huge commitment. His behaviour is appaling, but doesn't negate her poor devision making.

[Lockheart]

My partner and I got together last June, I fell pregnant in January and we both planned the baby.

This is where it went wrong, OP. You both decided to have a baby without getting to know each other well enough to know if you wanted a baby with each other or even if the other would make a good parent. Six months is a very short time in terms of committed relationships.

I'm sorry but you're asking the wrong questions. He's telling you loud and clear he's not ready and he's not going to step up to the mark on this one.

Prepare to do this yourself, and make sure that you claim for CMS. Don't rely on any promises he makes.

[CloseYourEyesAndSee]

@dworky it was a planned pregnancy. They were both responsible.

[SirChenjins]

As others have said, this was never going to bode well. It sounds like you’re both very young and to be planning a baby after 6 months together when you should have been having fun, dating and getting to know each other before deciding whether to spend of your lives together and then introducing babies at some point down the line was just daft.

It is what it is though. He doesn’t want to be a dad at this stage and it doesn’t sound like it’s going to last, so probably better speaking to him about how you co-parent as two separate individuals rather than a couple. Get your finances in order and plan for how you’ll get through the rest of your pregnancy and early weeks - do you have a mum, sister, other relatives or friends you can call on?

[Urghhhhh]

@dworky? Op mentions she has an 11 year old in another thread. She's a grown ass woman and it's not her first rodeo. Both need to take responsibility. Sadly she'll be left holding the pieces when it all crumbles down.

[SirChenjins]

[quote Urghhhhh]@dworky? Op mentions she has an 11 year old in another thread. She's a grown ass woman and it's not her first rodeo. Both need to take responsibility. Sadly she'll be left holding the pieces when it all crumbles down.[/quote]
Oh really?? Is this thread a wind up then - or is it just a really daft relationship?

[godmum56]

you say "should you let him" but how are you going to stop him?

[Pompom2367]

Op you need to take a break from him and focus on you and the baby his behaviour will continue when the baby is here

[TheWindow]

How old are you both, OP? You sound quite young. I think, unfortunately, you didn’t know each other very well after 6 months to make this commitment together and now you are seeing that he is immature, not committed and not up to taking on the responsibility of a child, serious relationship and family.

Honestly, if I were you I would end the relationship and if he wants to be a father to his child, let him make the arrangements and show he is willing and able.

You and your baby are going to need a calm, stable environment and to be able to establish a good routine that isn’t at the mercy of a guy who isn’t sure what he wants and is most concerned with his mates and going out partying.

Put yourself and most importantly your baby first.

[rhowton]

I genuinely cannot understand why you decided to get pregnant by someone you had been with for 6 months.

[OmgIcantbelieveshedidit]

@SleepingBunnies21

Quite honestly I think you should end it with him.

If that doesn't snap him out of it and make him get his priorities straight, what will.

You can always get back together later if he ever steps up and you can forgive him for his behaviour.

This.

I would tell him you are doing it on his own -you don't pick in and out, you pick a lane -and stick in it.

You need stability. Tell him.

You are either in or out. I don't get a choice, you told me you wanted a baby, we planned a baby -I'm having that baby. I don't get a choice to bugger off every weekend as I'm having the baby you wanted. You are not supporting me whilst I'm pregnant and I'm pretty sure given this -you aren't going to be a reliable parent. So enjoy your freedom -as I'm now doing it alone as I can't rely on you.

Then go and stay with your parents, friends -change the locks whatever and get on with it alone.

A number of my friends had this -partner wanted a baby, they got pregnant and then they behaved like a twat -ALL wish they had dumped them right then and there -none of them ever improved.
You don't need a baby and a teenager. A baby is enough.

[OmgIcantbelieveshedidit]

He decided her wanted a baby and planned it.

It's abuse now -as he is absolving himself of his part. She can't

[nimbuscloud]

I feel sorry for the 11 year old

[OmgIcantbelieveshedidit]

@nimbuscloud

I feel sorry for the 11 year old

Didn't realise this. So he's in and out of that child's life too - awful.

[ShrimpBarbarian]

dworky Sun 05-Sep-21 15:01:59
HollowTalk

The problem is that you got pregnant before you even knew him properly. This is what he's like. And no, he's not going to be a good partner or a good dad, either. He wants to be out with his mates. You have to plan a life without him.

She didn't get pregnant, she was impregnated by a man who didn't wear a condom but who has now decided he doesn't want to be responsible for the baby created.
OP, this man will never be a decent father or partner. You will bet better off leaving & having the baby alone

Sorry - was it all him then? from what I read, it was a joint and deliberate decision

[Staryflight445]

How old are you both op?

[Babyroobs]

Six months into a relationship is not time at all to even know if a relationship will last and you are realizing that now.
As others have said I would accept he really isn't likely to step up.

[AuntMargo]

I can imagine you to be both very young, I could be wrong, but thats how your post comes over. Falling pregnant 6 months into a relationship was irresponsible you cannot know someone in 6 months !. I hope you have supportive family because this relationship is clearly never going to last.

[ShrimpBarbarian]

op you sound very young, but on another post you say your youngest is 11 (do you have olders?) and you are 36?

[Plumtree391]

I don't think there is much you can do about boyfriend who obviously now has cold feet. It would be best if he doesn't live with you but stays with you when you have the baby to add support. That will give you both breathing space and he may grow up a bit & finds he wants to step up properly - by which time you may not care.

Just see how it goes.

Good luck.

[Dixiechickonhols]

Can you get real life support from your mum or a friend. Don’t count on him for anything.
Realistically you are going to be raising baby alone. If he’s not going to be your partner and is no support and out all time maybe better he leaves now. Make decisions that benefit you and baby - eg think hard before giving baby his surname. If you choose to put him on birth certificate he will get parental responsibility, you don’t have to. It doesn’t affect child maintenance.