Boyfriend has lost his head and I'm due a baby in 5 weeks

[keegslittlepenguin]

Hello

Hoping someone can offer advice

My partner and I got together last June, I fell pregnant in January and we both planned the baby.

Before I fell pregnant everything was great,

Slowly he started to change even said he didn't want the baby,

He started a new job 3 months ago and changed more

Then out of nowhere he said he feels time is running out and wants to go out with the lads.

I let him have a full weekend staying at his mates where he done what he wanted

He said he's gonna do it weekly until baby is here

I told him I think it's unfair sleeping out every weekend

Even his family agree with me

I have also had issues with baby and upto a month ago he said he didn't want her and admitted he is really scared about bring a dad

He come to a scan 2 weeks ago and cried and realised he does want her he's scared which I totally understand

After a series of arguments over him wanting to be out and naming absolutely no effort with me he's gone to his sisters

He has been out all weekend again and said he will.come tonight and stay.

Question is do I let him continue his blow outs how long do I allow it or do I just call it a day because he's leaving me at my most vulnerable time.

I do love him and feel none of my feelings have been taken into consideration at all he's been very selfish

Any advice welcome

Vile aren't they! I was married until 2 years ago, knew this man before we got in a serious relationship

Also if you read my earliest posts on the first place of this thread, you'll see I roundly condemned his behaviour in addition to saying it was very soon.

I don't think she should keep providing bed, board, probably sex, and other services for this "man" while he's acting acting this. I hope she wishes up.

Whole thing also not fair on her kids..

@keegslittlepenguin

Vile aren't they! I was married until 2 years ago, knew this man before we got in a serious relationship

Wow, that doesn't make it better. It makes it much worse. In the span of two years, your kids not only had to deal with the divorce of their parents, but also a new partner moving in and upsetting their pregnant mother. Those poor poor kids..

knew this man before we got in a serious relationship

"Knowing" someone is not being in an relationship with them, with demands, stresses, responsibilities, ups and downs etc.

it was early in a relationship to move some in and ttx with them, above all with older kids in your household; noone is vile for pointing that out.

Your bf's behaviour is vile however.

*move someone in and ttc with them

Tbf the horse has bolted, I’m not going to comment on the circumstance of conception. I share PP’s concerns for your older children- divorce then new partner and new baby in two years is a mind blowing amount for them to deal with, even if the bloke involved was committed.

You’ve said you’ve got your ducks in a row which is good.
I take it you’re ending the relationship for now?
I think supervised visits at his sisters is a bit much but certainly you can’t be parted from baby in the early days anyway and he can show if he is going to step up or not.
Regardless of what he has been through in the past he now has a responsibility to deal with that and face the consequences of the decisions he has made- I do t have any sympathy for him and you shouldn’t be making allowance for his poor behaviour.

I think the fact you moved a man in to your house and got " accidentally " pregnant and made him part of your other children's life
All in the space of 6 months... is shockingly irresponsible of you.

Haven't we been through that one, jesus? I feel like saying, "What would Jesus do?"; no doubt He would deal with the here and now.

The op came on Mumsnet to get some support with her current situation. The past is the past; nobody is telling her anything about that, that she doesn't know and she has to move forward, with or without the man.

I didn't get the impression he had actually moved in to her house but could have missed something.

The op came on Mumsnet to get some support with her current situation

I'm not the sort of poster to go through a ops other threads so I don't know what the story is, but from other posters it sounds like there are other issues with this man.

It's hard to give advice without the fully picture. Even without knowing, however, oj the basis of this thread alone; I'd be with with posters who've advised op to end the relationship, until sych times as he proves himself consistently interested, responsible & committed (and just all around reasonable in terms of going out etc).

The past is the past; nobody is telling her anything about that, that she doesn't know

Op doesn't appear to think the timing & circumstances of ttc was risky/foolish ..... so it would appear that players are in fact telling her something she doesn't know (or at least won't acknowledge).

There was also no reference to her existing children - until a poster highlighted from another thread that there are two older kids involved.
Perhaps that was op trying to keep the thread and opinions uncomplicated, but as many posters have pointed out; the timescale of the relationship and of ttc has apparently been devoid of consideration for them, relatively fresh off the back of their parents divorcing and household as they knew it breaking up; it may not be pleasant to hear but if it causes op to centre her kids more in her decision making and be more risk aware (for them.as well as herself), maybe posters feel it is worth discussing the "past".

*posters not players, obviously

I didn't get the impression he had actually moved in to her house but could have missed something.

I assumed it from the talk of him "sleeping out" every weekend, from the fact that they'd probably had to have bubbled, and because I thought it was unlikely op would ttc with a man she wasn't living with (?)

@jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey

I think the fact you moved a man in to your house and got " accidentally " pregnant and made him part of your other children's life All in the space of 6 months... is shockingly irresponsible of you.

Where are you getting accidentally from - with or without the scare quotes, jesus?

We all fail to RTFT sometimes, but to fail to read an OP that states, IN THE SECOND SENTENCE, that the pregnancy was planned, is really outstanding work.

Yeah I was going to point that out too.

What the OP’s cheering squad seem to be ignoring is the innocent lives affected by these irresponsible adults. Her poor children have been through a very turbulent couple of years, she’s brought a feckless waster into their lives and as he evades his responsibilities, they will have a newborn to deal with. All while starting high school
(11yo) and start of GCSE studies (14yo).

The OP is ignoring all that and focusing on her boyfriend’s behaviour and that people are “being mean” rather than considering how to look after her children.

[quote SudokuZebra]@SleepingBunnies21, the OP was clear in her posts she has two existing children, she wasn't trying to hide anything.[/quote]
The op, the opening/summary/give me advice post said absolutely nothing about op having two older kids.

Like many others, until the thread expanded, I thought she and the man were v young, and first time parents.

I didn't say she was trying to hide anything per se, bit she omitted to mention them at all in her opening/title post.

OP’s cheering squad

Does one or two people constitute a squad?

@Doomscrolling

What the OP’s cheering squad seem to be ignoring is the innocent lives affected by these irresponsible adults. Her poor children have been through a very turbulent couple of years, she’s brought a feckless waster into their lives and as he evades his responsibilities, they will have a newborn to deal with. All while starting high school (11yo) and start of GCSE studies (14yo).

The OP is ignoring all that and focusing on her boyfriend’s behaviour and that people are “being mean” rather than considering how to look after her children.

This.

Divorce, new bloke, in their home, mum now pregnant with his baby, now he's "sleeping out" at weekends, now he's moved put to his sister's ...... new baby imminent, and these kids are trying to go back to school after covid/lockdowns etc.

@SudokuZebra

Her posts on this thread that was meant to say.

She only mentioned it after another poster brought it up. She didn't think it was relevant enough to include in her original post. That's quite a big factor to gloss over.