Boyfriend has lost his head and I'm due a baby in 5 weeks

[keegslittlepenguin]

Hello

Hoping someone can offer advice

My partner and I got together last June, I fell pregnant in January and we both planned the baby.

Before I fell pregnant everything was great,

Slowly he started to change even said he didn't want the baby,

He started a new job 3 months ago and changed more

Then out of nowhere he said he feels time is running out and wants to go out with the lads.

I let him have a full weekend staying at his mates where he done what he wanted

He said he's gonna do it weekly until baby is here

I told him I think it's unfair sleeping out every weekend

Even his family agree with me

I have also had issues with baby and upto a month ago he said he didn't want her and admitted he is really scared about bring a dad

He come to a scan 2 weeks ago and cried and realised he does want her he's scared which I totally understand

After a series of arguments over him wanting to be out and naming absolutely no effort with me he's gone to his sisters

He has been out all weekend again and said he will.come tonight and stay.

Question is do I let him continue his blow outs how long do I allow it or do I just call it a day because he's leaving me at my most vulnerable time.

I do love him and feel none of my feelings have been taken into consideration at all he's been very selfish

Any advice welcome

I would say let him party a bit, back off, then give him the chance to prove himself as a father. You’ve got what you need or certainly know for the new child.

Be bc positive, you will having baby snuggles v soon. I wish the best for you, I hope he does make a good dad.

You’ve got a choice ahead in your relationship: do you want to be a single mother to 3, or a single mother to 4?

I think most posters who have been very critical are thinking about op's two children, who had no choice in this situation with a new partner presumably being moved into their home quite quickly, a new half sibling due, quite quickly... abd the new partner acting flaky, irresponsible, changeable etc.

These two adults have acted poorly and irresponsibly towards them; and they are subject to all this, having made mo.chohce avd had no control over anything.

A new "step father" who's out partying every weekend, who's doing the hokey cokey re his commitment & involvement to this imminent baby, who may continue this behaviour. Not fair on them.

Not fair on the baby either.

Posters who say "I had a baby quickly and it worked out, were together decades later!". Well congratulations on your good luck, unfortunately that's unlikely to be the story for most women & children.

I think posters are also just naturally eet frustrated at a woman - a mature woman heading for 40, with two children; choosing to conceive with a 7 years younger man who's still technically in his 20s, who's she's been involved with for months, during lockdown (abnormal circumstances) and then saying "he's not committed, he's changing his mind, he's panicking, hes lost his head, hes demanded to go out and stay put all weekend, evert weekend etc. etc.".

It was risky, people's tolerance for risky behaviour, especially involving children's lives (existing and baby due) is low; and their responses reflect that. You can't expect people to be fake on a forum. They're less likely to be than in irl.

I would say let him party a bit

This is not really a great example for the older kids in ops household though, is it?

Heavily pregnant woman sits at home while father is let "prepare" for arrival avd deal with his cold feet and flakiness by partying every weekend, all weekend "sleeping out" as op out it, and turning up presumably on Sunday like a teenager.

What messages does that send to op's kids.

And sorry to be rather base, but in my experience (and my observation on this forum) guys who go out and stay out very regularly for over nighters and weekends; are not always keeping it platonic with every female they meet on their all nighters and weekenders .... that's part of their motivation to have them.

Sorry, but what is wrong with conceiving with a man who is "technically in his 20's".He's 29. OP is not rattling past the school gates hooking up with 17 year old's hmm

My dear, you seem to be on form to argue with everyone on this thread.

Im not getting into lengthy rebuttals if your points, can't be bothered..... just to say that (if you could interpret someone's post in something other than black and white) you'd realise I was not saying they'd is anything wrong with a 36 yr old having a baby with a 29 yr old; merely that him being 7 years younger and not quite even in his 30s makes exactly what is happening (him panicking, flaking, abd wanting to party) more likely to happen.

Op is at a different life stage than her bf. It wouldn't have been as obvious during the honeymoon period, during lockdown, and without the reality of an imminent baby arriving ..... it is now.

This guy mostly just wants to run away. He clearly is not ready, perhaps he would be ready in his mid to late thirties, when all his mates are settled/settling etc.

Of course the flaking, panicking and wanting to party could theoertically happen with a man of any age; but its fair to say it is more likely to happen the younger someone is.

@SudokuZebra

Oh, and if this was a 36 year old man dating a 29 year old woman, nobody would be criticizing him for "conceiving with a woman.still technically in her 20's "

A 29 yr old mother (or any mother) couldn't "party " or fuck off/leg it in the same way as a father.

Kind of obvious, is that not?

You've lso completely fixated on the age gap/life stage gap, when it was only one of theee points outlined together re the risk in this situation for op (the relative newness of the relationship, the exceptional circumstances during lockdown, her children being affected etc.)

You're also completely and conveniently ignoring the impact of all this on op's existing children, whose home this young man appears to have been moved into relatively quickly.

Having him head off for thecweejrbd like a young, free teenager/twenty something; while their heavily pregnant mother prepares for baby's arrival at home. Seeing their mum come home from scand where where said he doesn't want the baby..... geeaf examples. It could not be not affecting them.

Just the arrival of a new half sibling on top of a new "step dad" has massive implications for them. It's all very well quickly too. Why don't you focus on that, huh..... ?

*great examples

(I should point out that I'm not saying g ops kids know about the statements he made at the scan, they v likely don't; just that it's well nigh impossible for a pregnant woman not to be affected by statements like that, her demeanor, her mood, her confidence, her "state" (and by the baby's Dad awol partying at weekend thing) .... and her kids will pick up on that.

just don't think we should be saying it's "inevitable" at 29

That's good, given I said nothing of the sort.

I do not think age is an excuse for the incredibly poor behaviour of the man in question.

Again, I don't know about anyone else but I have never cited his age as an "excuse" for his behaviour, only said that he is at a different life stage than op, and that he is still a relatively young person. And presumably many of his peers/mates are in the same position (hence they're free for all weekend partying) .... all of which makes thus more likely to happen (especially alongside the newness of the relationship and it happening mostly during lockdown).

I just don't think we should be saying it's "inevitable" at 29 he would act like such a dick . He's behaving appallingly, but I do think most 29 year old men would have the morals not to behave like this. I don't believe someone who behaves like this at 29 would behave differently when older.

How a straw poll of 29 year olds would or do behave is irrelevant really, the problem is that the OP didnt even really know this 29 year old before deciding to have a baby with him.

Yes of course they will, which is , ( yet another), reason why his behaviour is so appalling.

Sorry but two adults made this situation. Abd op had more to risk.

Her existing household's stability and the chance of becoming a single mother.

This is exactly what anyone with sense would expect to happen when you purposefully get knocked up by a younger man you've been with for 5 minutes.
Cut your losses, move on and have more sense in the future.

Why do you keep referring to him as this "young man." He really isn't. People are joining the army over 10 years prior to him.

29 is young to me, whatever gender.

Your army point is rather bizarre- if they made the joining age older, most people would be too wise to join lol