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Original poster

Boyfriend has lost his head and I'm due a baby in 5 weeks

277 replies

keegslittlepenguin · 05/09/2021 13:45

Hello

Hoping someone can offer advice

My partner and I got together last June, I fell pregnant in January and we both planned the baby.

Before I fell pregnant everything was great,

Slowly he started to change even said he didn't want the baby,

He started a new job 3 months ago and changed more

Then out of nowhere he said he feels time is running out and wants to go out with the lads.

I let him have a full weekend staying at his mates where he done what he wanted

He said he's gonna do it weekly until baby is here

I told him I think it's unfair sleeping out every weekend

Even his family agree with me

I have also had issues with baby and upto a month ago he said he didn't want her and admitted he is really scared about bring a dad

He come to a scan 2 weeks ago and cried and realised he does want her he's scared which I totally understand

After a series of arguments over him wanting to be out and naming absolutely no effort with me he's gone to his sisters

He has been out all weekend again and said he will.come tonight and stay.

Question is do I let him continue his blow outs how long do I allow it or do I just call it a day because he's leaving me at my most vulnerable time.

I do love him and feel none of my feelings have been taken into consideration at all he's been very selfish

Any advice welcome

OP posts:
ClaudiaWinkleHam · 05/09/2021 16:48

The judgement on this thread is incredible.

Sorry this is happening to you OP. I would be telling him now is the time to step up & start being a father. If he can’t, I would raise the baby alone in a secure household.

Urghhhhh · 05/09/2021 16:50

@ClaudiaWinkleHam

The judgement on this thread is incredible.

Sorry this is happening to you OP. I would be telling him now is the time to step up & start being a father. If he can’t, I would raise the baby alone in a secure household.

The judgements is pretty warranted. Especially when you consider there are two other kids unfairly thrown into the middle of this mess.
Piggy42 · 05/09/2021 16:50

I’d assume you’re going to be parenting along. Sorry OP.

Piggy42 · 05/09/2021 16:51

Alone

GroggyLegs · 05/09/2021 16:51

Did his past contain father figures walking in & out of his life, I wonder?

I get that at 36 feels like a clock is ticking, but you MUST realise the huge gamble you took with your family to get pregnant by someone you barely knew - someone with issues - and planned for it?

Bin him off & concentrate on your family, they need your attention, not the man-baby.

TooManyDinosaurs1 · 05/09/2021 16:55

You both sound very young, planning a baby 6 months into a relationship when you barely know each other wasn't the brightest thing to do, that said you can't change that now.

I'd say he isn't ready to be a dad and you are better off without him. Hopefully you have family and friends who can help support you.

Flowers500 · 05/09/2021 16:57

@ClaudiaWinkleHam

The judgement on this thread is incredible.

Sorry this is happening to you OP. I would be telling him now is the time to step up & start being a father. If he can’t, I would raise the baby alone in a secure household.

Are you actually serious? They made stupid choices that are potentially going to be damaging for children.
Clymene · 05/09/2021 16:59

@ClaudiaWinkleHam

The judgement on this thread is incredible.

Sorry this is happening to you OP. I would be telling him now is the time to step up & start being a father. If he can’t, I would raise the baby alone in a secure household.

The OP is 36 and has teenage children. Her existing children should be her priority - not making a baby with a bloke she barely knows
Ingloriousbasterd · 05/09/2021 16:59

He's about to have a baby, so needs to stay out all weekend every single week?? It sounds completely excessive...and everything has happened so fast so I can kind of see why he's scared but he's a 29 year old, the way he's behaving I assumed he was in his late teens/early twenties!!

TheWeatherWitch · 05/09/2021 16:59

I have to agree with pp. you got ‘accidentally’ pregnant way too soon, within 6 months is ridiculous. You barely know each other and in these days of very reliable contraception and actual killer diseases (hepatitis anyone?) nobody should have an unplanned pregnancy.

Put your child first. Time to grow up op, I say this as someone who got pregnant at 16 but a long, long while ago!

TooManyDinosaurs1 · 05/09/2021 17:00

Just read your update, I was posting like you were 19 and foolish, I'm sure by 36 and with 2 children from a previous relationship you must realise he isn't going to be sticking around. He's acting like a useless idiot and the baby isn't even here. Leave the man child to it and get on with raising your family alone. I just wouldn't waste anymore energy on him, just make sure he pays maintenance.

InFiveMins · 05/09/2021 17:00

He sounds incredibly immature. I wouldn't put up with his behaviour at all - he may have nerves at becoming a father, but that doesn't excuse how he is acting. I would avoid future drama and end the relationship now - he sounds like a manchild and I would want to keep him at arm's length.

Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 05/09/2021 17:01

Man being a man child. Happens the world over. Just well..... good luck. But as you already know whichever way this goes bringing up this child is going to be all down to you, but you have done it before and will do it this time. May the force be with you.

EspressoDoubleShot · 05/09/2021 17:05

@Kuachui

Sorry but you've made your bed by planning a child after hardly knowing someone.

Now that innocent beautiful little child is most likely going to have a sorry excuse of a father.

That’s ghastly and unnecessarily judgmental
pictish · 05/09/2021 17:06

So he gets to head out every weekend while you wait dutifully for him to return from his adventures with the lads. That’s what he thinks is reasonable?

I know it’s pointless to say it but why the hell would you plan a baby with someone you’ve only been with for six months? Less even. This guy’s no use to you. Make plans as a single mother to your baby. He doesn’t want what you want…he wants a place to live.
He’s not ‘scared’ either. Fuck off. He’s selfish and manipulating you.
Ugh.

Fireflygal · 05/09/2021 17:07

The judgement on this thread is incredible.

It's happening to the Op because she made a bad decision that will affect her children. She chose this and most people would say planning a baby after 6 months is a crazy idea. It's gone wrong and now she wants advice. I (and others) thought the Op must be very young but she isn't so must address her part in this.

Op,I really hope you have support as your older children need you. They are at difficult ages, just at the stage when they could make poor decisions that affect their lives. They need a mum who is present and that's difficult to achieve when you are a single mum with a new baby. Can you make sure the school knows how much upheaval they have at home. Try to ensure any family are around for them. Tell them the truth about what's happening, they will know something is going on.

My advice is to recognise he is unlikely to step up. You might get angry about that (understandable) but it will be pointless anger and not achieve anything. He may be charming for a period of time then go off and have a bender with his mates and just expect you and the baby to be there waiting. If that's not what you want end the relationship.

Dixiechickonhols · 05/09/2021 17:09

Read your update and I’m surprised at your age - you came across as a very inexperienced young woman/first baby.
Seriously why put up with it. If he’s living with you tell him to leave it’s your house. He’s not your partner he’s not there for you.
You, baby and teen kids all deserve better.
Get maintenance sorted. If he wants to see baby in future you can deal with it then.
Have you got someone to be a birth partner?

YanTanTethera123 · 05/09/2021 17:10

Well at least you know he can’t be depended on now let alone later. If you’re happy to be bringing up this baby alone with a partner who’s too immature to be a father, then carry on. It’s your two older DCs I feel sorry for.

Urghhhhh · 05/09/2021 17:10

@TheWeatherWitch

I have to agree with pp. you got ‘accidentally’ pregnant way too soon, within 6 months is ridiculous. You barely know each other and in these days of very reliable contraception and actual killer diseases (hepatitis anyone?) nobody should have an unplanned pregnancy.

Put your child first. Time to grow up op, I say this as someone who got pregnant at 16 but a long, long while ago!

It wasn't even "accidental". It was a fully planned pregnancy Hmm
EspressoDoubleShot · 05/09/2021 17:11

First thing, congratulations I hope this works out for you and that you get support you need

Given he’s a first time dad it’s understandable to be scared,his behaviour is awful. He’s being avoidant and going out partying when his pg partner needs him. I’m not excusing his inappropriate behaviour, he needs to get his act together, swiftly. He has responsibilities

This thread attests howResponses can be varied on mn

There was a thread someone had met a.man on line within month met his folks,were going at a fast pace. The thread had posters enthusiastically saying they were buying a hat and when you know you know
Recalling how they themselves met partner and had baby in a year and everything was wonderful
No chastisement

Op posts and about being pg and some posters take this as a reason to pile on. She’s a pg woman she’s in turmoil and doesn’t need mn tutty disapproval

Anyway op, I’d advise get a friend or family who can support during birth and look after your two children. You need someone reliable for birth and afterwards.

Supersimkin2 · 05/09/2021 17:19

The person on this thread who has failed is the BF, not OP.

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 05/09/2021 17:21

He’s 29!?! What a total nobber. Sorry op, he’s a loser.

Urghhhhh · 05/09/2021 17:22

The BF doesn't have two older kids whose best interest to consider...

overnightangel · 05/09/2021 17:23

36 with a 14 and 11 year old 🤦🏻‍♀️ FFS

Clymene · 05/09/2021 17:25

@EspressoDoubleShot

First thing, congratulations I hope this works out for you and that you get support you need

Given he’s a first time dad it’s understandable to be scared,his behaviour is awful. He’s being avoidant and going out partying when his pg partner needs him. I’m not excusing his inappropriate behaviour, he needs to get his act together, swiftly. He has responsibilities

This thread attests howResponses can be varied on mn

There was a thread someone had met a.man on line within month met his folks,were going at a fast pace. The thread had posters enthusiastically saying they were buying a hat and when you know you know
Recalling how they themselves met partner and had baby in a year and everything was wonderful
No chastisement

Op posts and about being pg and some posters take this as a reason to pile on. She’s a pg woman she’s in turmoil and doesn’t need mn tutty disapproval

Anyway op, I’d advise get a friend or family who can support during birth and look after your two children. You need someone reliable for birth and afterwards.

Was that a woman who got pregnant within six months of meeting someone and who also had two teenagers?

No, thought not.