Dating thread 212 - more milk tray, less flakes

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

[quote Shayelle2009]**@SpringlikeBunk* @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* @ibelieveinmirrorballs thanks so much for the good wishes 💞💞💞
Got a course of antibiotics and not going tomorrow. I honestly feel like this abscess is a manifestation of the stress I have feeling about this week! Boss is being passive aggressive just blanking me today. I couldn't go if i wanted to with a balloon face. Sod em.[/quote]
@Shayelle2009 you're very welcome ❤️

Your boss should know that of course you can't work with a abscess in your teeth.

Bit of a different scenario but I was once told off by a cover team leader for not coming in to work when I had got a throat infection which resulted in me losing my voice. I worked in a call centre 😳

😘😘😘

Thanks everyone I think I just needed to put that out there. I'm okay now was a silly wobble. I don't think I'm used to it and I just don't want him to think he always has to pay just because he earns more. He also offered me his friends and family discount if I ever want to go on holiday. So now my visit to my brother has just got even cheaper.🤣

We are nothing but slave drones to them. No matter how much they pretend to convince us that is not the case 🤣🤣

😟 x

Off topic but one of my POF chats that I moved to WhatsApp has 4 children of all different ages, from at least 2 mothers.

Avoid? Or give him a chance to explain? And if so, how do I ask him politely?

Last post directed @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards 🙂

@Shayelle2009

We are nothing but slave drones to them. No matter how much they pretend to convince us that is not the case 🤣🤣

😟 x

@Shayelle2009 if only I worked in your HR department... ❤️

🤣🤣 it’s ok @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards 💗 I work to live… that is all 😘

@Isitreallyme177

Thanks everyone I think I just needed to put that out there. I'm okay now was a silly wobble. I don't think I'm used to it and I just don't want him to think he always has to pay just because he earns more. He also offered me his friends and family discount if I ever want to go on holiday. So now my visit to my brother has just got even cheaper.🤣

Definitely don't feel inferior to him

But watch out for those feelings. It's easy for him to pay for coffee and sprinkle a few discounts around. Don't feel that it puts you on the back foot in any way

Also, with the mortgage, if he's only got 10% equity with a whacking great 90% mortgage and a divorce coming up .. and you've got 50% albeit of a smaller house ... you're still sitting prettier than he is. For which - kudos 🙌🏽

@Shayelle2009

We are nothing but slave drones to them. No matter how much they pretend to convince us that is not the case 🤣🤣

😟 x

Never ever talk to me about work ... I'm so jaded 😂

@Isitreallyme177 @BelladiMamma I find it strange how he’s disclosed all finances to you? Is he trying to MAKE you feel inferior in some way by throwing big figures about? Stealth brag? Hmmmmm.

We def wont talk anymore about work @BelladiMamma 😬

@Shayelle2009 I used to think the same 😂😘❤️

😬 glad youre sounding brighter @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards 💕

Thank you @BelladiMamma yes I have to remember all that. I just spent an evening with the Brownies and it made me realise I actually have and do a lot of worthwhile things in my life.

[quote Shayelle2009]**@Isitreallyme177* @BelladiMamma* I find it strange how he’s disclosed all finances to you? Is he trying to MAKE you feel inferior in some way by throwing big figures about? Stealth brag? Hmmmmm.[/quote]
That's a good point too. It's early days isn't it? I haven't disclosed my finances to anyone apart from my lawyer 😆

And also relevant to your point, you don't really know how much is income vs capital vs sustainable.

My ex has always been very good at bigging up his finances without disclosing the full picture

Thanks for the thoughts. @MayEye I think he's still a bit on the shy side and I suppose I do worry we have nothing to say to each other. But in the same breath I can't help but wonder if I'm just picking fault/self sabotaging because this one is a good one.
@VanGoghsDog I'm comfortable enough and he seems to be/says he is too, most of the time. There's just odd occasions where I think we could talk more, but it's down to me to instigate that. Probably because it's me that's bothered. Am I making any sense?!

@Isitreallyme177

Thank you *@BelladiMamma* yes I have to remember all that. I just spent an evening with the Brownies and it made me realise I actually have and do a lot of worthwhile things in my life.

That's the best feeling 🥰

@Shayelle2009

😬 glad youre sounding brighter *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* 💕

@Shayelle2009 thank you 😊 I'm glad too ❤️😘😘

@Heartbeats0708

Also echoing *@SpringlikeBunk*, it's a good point about his work/independence situation too. Can I ask for some advice please wise ones? Recently I've found myself thinking about rule 13.. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future. I'm not sure how much the lack of general chatter/talking rubbish is going to bother me or if it's going to change. I don't want to throw away a really lovely relationship over this but I'm not accustomed to the quiet bits. When just relaxing/watching a movie it's fine and feels natural but other times I feel the need to drive conversation. I'm hoping that I can relax about it and he will open up a bit but it's holding me back. Thoughts?

I felt like this in my last relationship, and noticed it early on too. In the end, it was one of the reasons I called time. We'd have a cycle of him being quiet, me leaving it for a bit then feeling disconnected and withdrawing, him not noticing, it escalating to me wanting to run away, us talking it through and him seeing it as my issue. Which it is, but also communication is a two way thing. That cycle didn't happen often, but I often felt a bit discomfited by his quietness. I'm just not good with quiet men I think.

@BelladiMamma I quite often find that guys who puff themselves up giving it the big I Am are kind of a mess underneath

Not saying all…. But most of the time

@Shayelle2009 it just came up in conversation as we were talking about his house and I said his ex could buy him out if she doesn't want to move and he said she couldn't afford the x amount of mortgage a month, then he said he couldn't afford to rent anywhere as the rest of his wages goes on school fees and the bills. They would both get x amount from the sale and could then each buy a house. It wasn't a brag as far as I could make out.

I've had the same conversation with Computer Geek weirdly enough, everyone seems to want to talk to me about their bloody houses!

[quote Shayelle2009]@BelladiMamma I quite often find that guys who puff themselves up giving it the big I Am are kind of a mess underneath

Not saying all…. But most of the time[/quote]
I'm totally scarred by my ex, who was like this

Any thoughts on the POF bloke with many children ...? Not feeling great about someone who has broken up with the mother of his DC when the youngest is only 2 ... and has 2 other older children ... he also came out with the classic 'they're my world' line. Hmmm 🤔 or am I just a judgemental Bella bitch?

[quote Isitreallyme177]@Shayelle2009 it just came up in conversation as we were talking about his house and I said his ex could buy him out if she doesn't want to move and he said she couldn't afford the x amount of mortgage a month, then he said he couldn't afford to rent anywhere as the rest of his wages goes on school fees and the bills. They would both get x amount from the sale and could then each buy a house. It wasn't a brag as far as I could make out.

I've had the same conversation with Computer Geek weirdly enough, everyone seems to want to talk to me about their bloody houses![/quote]
Because they're in a more precarious financial position than you ... so they want to talk ... a little bit of victim status or get the smallest violin 🎻 out

Sorry I'm probably being horribly cynical

If you're a judgemental bitch then I am too Bella.. it'd be a no from me unless there was a very plausible reason.
Thanks @Misty9 was this quiet in person or quiet via messaging or both? I think I remember, was it Mr biology?

Thanks for all your advice here! heartbeats onesmallstep and spring Appreciate it! Didn’t think at all that MrE turning up may send signals to my DS that i’m siding with him. I really hope it hasn’t come across like that. I’ll definitely limit contact with MrE for a while and make sure my DS feels our relationship with each other is still as strong as before. See if he’s anything to get off his chest and let him know he’s the most important person for me, above everyone else. We’re at the family therapist next week so good timing really. MrE’s job hunting was something i talked about with him as i didn’t want to be his ‘everything’ here and he’s had a few interviews but nothing is sorted yet. Its a good point to keep my space protected given how happy we are here and how long its taken to bloody get here!
@Heartbeats0708 are the silences awkward? Is it like you feel he’s run out of things to say? I’m similar and fill silences.
@SpringlikeBunk good to hear your settling in! A change of scenery must be so nice. I’m thinking you’re making the right decision by staying away from OLD stuff its just chaos! I just love your energy/outlook on life and thoughtfulness in all your posts. Hard to imagine you struggle with anxiety sometimes you seem so balanced!