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Original poster

Is he lecherous?

158 replies

Backtoblack1 · 03/09/2021 23:18

Been seeing a guy for 11 months. He has 2 daughters aged 20 and 23. He dropped off one of his daughters and her friends tonight for a night out. Made a point of telling me that one of the friends he’d never noticed before but she had very large breasts and her top was struggling to maintain them. Then he said she sat in the middle of the back seat and he could see her and her breasts in the mirror. I didn’t know what to say but felt awkward and uncomfortable that he said it. There seems to be regular comments about younger women. Is he doing it for a reaction or is he a lech? How would you react if you partner said that?

OP posts:
Purpoole · 03/09/2021 23:19

Ew. LTB.

Ibizan · 03/09/2021 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Backtoblack1 · 03/09/2021 23:21

I’m fuming the more I think about it! It’s not the first time he’s said things like this.

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 03/09/2021 23:31

Grim. This is just vile. Why is he telling you? Thing is he is, so if this is what he shares, what doesn’t he?

Original poster
Backtoblack1 · 03/09/2021 23:39

He says things like this a lot. I feel like messaging him and telling him to do one but I’ve had wine and worried that it’ll all come out and I won’t stop. How would you handle this? He’s in work now and is in a job in which he really needs to concentrate as it involves driving. I don’t want to start a text war because of this.

I never have a compliment off him yet he likes and comments on all his daughters friends pics. He makes comments about other women a lot. If we are watching a film he has to comment on the actress and how fit she is. I never react but am sometimes secretly seething, what is the best way to handle this? The old me would have sent him packing but I’ve really lost my confidence lately and my self esteem is at rock bottom. I’m trying to work on this but things like this really bother me x

OP posts:
Ibizan · 03/09/2021 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

myfacelookslikeatoe · 03/09/2021 23:44

Ugh leave it tonight maybe but yeah finish it. Sounds like a sleazy git.

icelollycraving · 03/09/2021 23:45

The best thing is to do it when he isn’t driving and you haven’t been drinking. Tell him the comments about young women, of his daughters age, have made you feel very uneasy and that on reflection, you don’t think he’s right for you.

dovesandroses · 03/09/2021 23:47

I wouldn't start messaging him about his behaviour now, he won't care or change for you anyway so save the aggro, just tell him tomorrow the relationship isn't working for you.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2021 23:47

Not the first time he's said completely creepy things like this, and you're still with him? Confused

FFS, raise your standards.

Sssloou · 03/09/2021 23:50

The old me would have sent him packing but I’ve really lost my confidence lately and my self esteem is at rock bottom. I’m trying to work on this but things like this really bother me.

Join the dots.

His behaviour is both eroding your confidence and giving you the ick.

He is vile.

Possibly a sexual predator.

Your silence he takes as you being complicit and in agreement with his behaviour.

What’s his relationship history? I bet there is a pattern.

Get rid.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2021 23:51

All you have to do is send a text that it's over and then block. You owe this perv nothing.

Original poster
Backtoblack1 · 03/09/2021 23:52

I agree my standards need to be raised. Been in a very emotionally and toxic relationship for 6 years so this one seemed ‘better’. But I feel like shit a lot of the time. X

OP posts:
MorriseysGladioli · 03/09/2021 23:53

Leave it until you have a clear head then just message him that in light of his comments about young women, you need to call it a day, because it's sleazy.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2021 23:56

Let this be a massive wakeup call that you deserve better, and never lower your standards again.

All you have to do is text him it's over and then block. You owe this pervert nothing.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2021 23:57

Sorry, I repeated part of my post.

Original poster
Backtoblack1 · 04/09/2021 00:03

It’s ok lol. The old me would never have tolerated this but I’ve been emotionally destroyed by someone. I just feel that the best of me has gone and I’m putting up with shit as it’s easier than confronting it and being on my own. But I think I need to so
I can get back to the old me

OP posts:
thenewduchessofhastings · 04/09/2021 00:10

Apart from these comments being disgusting and making him look sad,old and Perverted;what does he hope to gain by saying these are things to you?

Famousinlove · 04/09/2021 00:10

You can do a lot better than an old perv OP, i'm certain of it

SleepingStandingUp · 04/09/2021 00:15

I'd text him tomorrow after work and sober. Something along the lines of "since our discussion about Amy's friends breasts, I've been contemplating our future together and i just don't see it panning out with someone who not only constantly stares at his kids mates, but also think it's ok to tell his gf about how attractive they are"

If you have stuff at his perhaps an add on to say you'll collect them on X etc. If not, block his number

bridgeofslides · 04/09/2021 00:19

Op he's awful. I've seen advice on here before about not tolerating a level 8 bastard when you have got rid of a level 10.
Perving at his daughters friends is revolting. I mean how long has that gone on??

Prepare for him to respond to your comments with allegations you are just insecure - trust the whole of the internet though - it's not you it's him!!!

Original poster
Backtoblack1 · 04/09/2021 00:55

He will say I’m insecure. When I've mentioned things to him before he said his wife (deceased) would just laugh it off and I shouldn’t be so jealous. I can’t sleep I’m so angry tonight.

To top it off, I’ve noticed that a woman he’s told me is after him has commented on his photo and he’s liked it. This is after we’ve had a row about this woman adding him on FB. Sorry if that sounds childish but my blood is boiling!!!

OP posts:
Geppili · 04/09/2021 01:05

He is awful! Try not to waste any more emotional energy on this leery letch. Dump and move on.

OmgIcantbelieveshedidit · 04/09/2021 01:06

Just text and say
‘I’ve reflected on our relationship. It isn’t working for me. I find your comments about women deeply misogynistic. You are at best a leech and you are perverted category. You openly admit to staring at your daughters friends breasts and not on the road whilst driving them in the car. How would you feel if another parent did this to your daughter? It’s absolutely shocking and disgusting. Women are not pieces of meat for staring at and objectifying. You are a sexual predator. Our relationship is over. Please don’t contact me again’

OmgIcantbelieveshedidit · 04/09/2021 01:08

@Backtoblack1

He will say I’m insecure. When I've mentioned things to him before he said his wife (deceased) would just laugh it off and I shouldn’t be so jealous. I can’t sleep I’m so angry tonight.

To top it off, I’ve noticed that a woman he’s told me is after him has commented on his photo and he’s liked it. This is after we’ve had a row about this woman adding him on FB. Sorry if that sounds childish but my blood is boiling!!!

Your response is ‘I’m secure enough to know I deserve better than you. But that’s not saying much - all of our gender deserves ‘better’ than a misogynist like you. I told you not to contact me again - please don’t’. It’s over. ‘