Help

[buttercup1001]

Hi my partner of 2/3 years put his hands round my throat 3 weeks ago couldn't breathe for about 15 seconds and he let go.ive since had trouble/ pain in my throat and heartburn alot plus I have become forgettable can these symptoms be due to this or would the symptoms have dissapeared by now?

Are you kidding me?? He’s in your house when your son is? Even if they don’t meet, your son is in extreme danger and anyone who knows you needs to report this to social services.

I feel like crying I am at end of teether I had to come straight home this morning because he over heard me talking to my friend he was in the shop next door to my place.ive just woken from a nap and said I am booking the drs tomorrow I have a irration in my private area and this is going to sound stupid but I am not allowed to do anything to my down below due to him thinkin I'm cheating so I said I am going to trim sorry for tmi and he's had a metal down saying why are u messing with my head your acting dodgy you were talking to some woman ( the woman was my friend btw) he said I am going to meet someone else and video it all to you if I find out your cheating.i feel like it's the last straw tomorrow I'm going to go to the drs and not even come home I'm going to go to my mum's he can do what he wants it's making me unwell I feel sicky all the time my belly is playing up no appetite I feel completely unwell everyday is feeling like a shruggle.

Umm what do you mean not go home?
Its YOUR home.

Ffs op, get the bastard out and change the locks already.

Stop dancing to his tune.

Are you collecting your son from school today?
This is what you do: walk up to the teacher or person releasing the children. Say you need to speak to them. If they fib you off with "you need an appointment before you can speak to a member of staff" you tell them it is an emergency and your son's safety is at stake.
Once you are inside the school they will fetch the safeguarding member of staff.
She will call the police and the police will escort you to your mother's house.

After that it is One Step At a Time.

He is revving up fir the Mother of all rages buttercup101. He can feel that you're getting ready to escape and honestly this time if you give him the chance he could kill You both.

Seventeen months. Remember that.
What in Christ's name did he do to that child to be given 17 months.

He did more than call her a little bastard.

The name-calling and threatening of your son is pushing more boundaries to see what you will continue to tolerate.

So you don't have any boundaries anymore, he's trampled all over them. He knows that.
Now he's seeing whether you do anything when he starts on your son.
The abuse of your son has begun.

I promise you if he starts he won't stop.
He will make something up to find fault with your son. (The ball was there all the time wasn't it? Whether he knew it was or not doesn't matter.)
Honestly he doesn't even have to go completely beserk.
Just picking your little 6yo up and banging him off a wall could cause a head/neck injury that could kill him.

At the moment, before other people realise what's happening, you are the only person on this earth who can help your son.

C'mon buttercup101 you can do it.

He was In the shop next door to your place, or next door in your bed? FFS

I thinknits a great idea to not go home and to work with the police from your mom's place. She may seem angry about the situation but she is surely just worried for you. Don't let that keep you from seeking help.

This is the most disturbing thread I've read on here. I feel so afraid for that poor little boy.
If you're not going to protect yourself at least keep that psycho away from your son.

Ive just read the whole thread and Id wondered about speaking to a teacher. They will help.
This is really disturbing.
I just keep waiting for the messages to stop, because he has lost it.
He will make out that if you have got an infection that you got it for cheating, he will never admit he gave it to you. It will be the excuse he needs.
He is not a good man, he has obviously been involved with violence against women many many times, and been offered help, and he hasnt taken it. Why? Because it serves him well not to. He will have to give up a great deal to change, and none of it to his benefit. He is a damaged man. Whatever happened to him happened a long long time ago and to even attempt to address it needs YEARS of hard difficult psychological work.
He needs professionals.
Are you a professional?
Are you a highly specialised mental health nurse or psychologist?
Why do you think that you can help him, when the professionals havent been able to do so yet?
There is something missing in you, something that makes you feel responsible for others mental health - something that has made you believe that its your job to fix damaged men to make a happy household? Is this the picture from your childhood? There is some seriously damaging co-dependancy going on here - your thinking patterns and logic are so far removed from normal or healthy that you are damaging yourself and your son by continuing in this dysfunctional and dangerous relationship, trying to fill a man shaped hole with someone who is never ever going to be able to fulfil what you need, because he is probably exactly the kind of person who created the hole in the first place.

The fact he is making threatening sounds about your son will hopefully raise your head above the drowning waters of this awful situation - can you see that he means it. That he has no control of his anger, of his entitlement - that he doesnt see anything wrong in referring to a small boy like that, and why he is considered so dangerous as to be not allowed round children - his words do have actions - violent nasty ones. And if you son were there I have no doubt that he would be the focus of a beating, for what? Because the supposed adult cant find a bit of air filled plastic.

If that doesnt give you the incentive to get him out I really dont know what will.

No doubt he will twist it. put the blame on you.

He needs out. You need to get help because you really are not able to do it yourself, and not safe to. Tell someone and dont go home until that help is there to get him out, get his stuff out and keep him out. But make sure you tell the police and get a safety number / safe room because he is not going to go easy.

He's been crying saying he will stab hinself in the chest if I cheat he's completely wiped me out today I wish ppl new how hard it is to just walk from this I have to be so careful as my mum doesn't really know I'm with him and it will be a shock to her I'm in a different town to my family so there like a train ride away in completly wiped out I feel so sick I have had to buy anti naseous tablets where the stress is getting to me I'm hoping it isn't sicknes from this infection down below definitely not pregnancy as I have only just this 2 weeks come off my period.

Let the fucker stab himself.

I have my cat also that I am afraid he will do something to i have to be so careful in how I do it because if I leave when he's still here my cat is here with him.hes locked me in before and threw my keys out the window I managed to message my friend lasttime really quickly to call police and the police knocked with my keys in there hand they said we pcujd them on the pavement outside .he does really awful things when he thinks I'm gonna leave im scared of what he mite do.

You can also tell the police about the suicide threats when you tell them about the abuse. They will keep him from doing anything to myself (though I don't believe he really would, he is just trying to control you). I really think you should leave to go to the store and take the train to your mom's and tell her/the police everything. It's ok if it's a shock to her, just get out of there, the police will help you do everything step by step. Your things can be replaced, you can't be replaced.

Could you tell him you need to take the cat to the vet for shots?

Or why don't you text a friend and have them call the police for you right this minute?

When the police arrive you can just tell them everything, they will take him away, make sure he doesn't hurt himself and then he can't do anything to you or your cat.

He KNOWS you are not cheating.

Accusing partners of cheating is what abusers do in order to get you to keep trying to prove your innocence. By things like deleting all your male friends off social media or stopping going out.

It's a con. He knows.
He just doesn't want you to know he knows.
It's all about control.

Stop dancing to his tune. And op if you dud what you should do like telling the police, seeing your gp and being honest with your mum it would be possible to leave him. You are making it hard for yourself by refusing help and by continually trying to change yourself in the hope of changing him.

You don't need to wait for him to leave

OP. Call the police!!! Call them. They will help. Your cat can be fostered there are options through womens aid. Get a plan together with them and the police.

Doing nothing means nothing will change.

He has essentially told you he will hurt your son. He called him a bastard and said he would go mad.

You would be a terrible mother to expose your son to your home at the moment because your boyfriend is there. Even if he's in another room or even next door, he's near your child.

A crackhead, who has previously strangled you, who recently started shit talking about your son, who is panicking you'll leave him SHOULD NOT BE ANYWHERE CLOSE AT ALL TO YOUR SON.

I'm sorry but at this stage if you don't call the police then there's a very real danger you won't survive his next attempt or even worse, that he will turn on the son you left to be with this man.

Don't let him down. Police. School. Doctor. Do something.

@BookFiend4Life

You can also tell the police about the suicide threats when you tell them about the abuse. They will keep him from doing anything to myself (though I don't believe he really would, he is just trying to control you). I really think you should leave to go to the store and take the train to your mom's and tell her/the police everything. It's ok if it's a shock to her, just get out of there, the police will help you do everything step by step. Your things can be replaced, you can't be replaced.

This is what I would do. Yes, it's OP's home but I would rather the home got smashed up in his anger than OP or her son getting smashed up.

He awaits for my son to go room outside somewhere as I live on a town my house is situated on a town centre so there's a few houses includeing mine then there's all shops etc so he lingers round there somewhere as I was shocked he seen me chatting to my friend which was female and we were talking about normal things .I don't want him to see the police turn up and start and then also my son is here if I call them now and I don't know of it will effect him as he's told his teacher's About my partner and the police the school already look down on me a bit only a few up there which are understanding.

My cat is due his injections but he will turn around and say I will come with you.

He's got involved with all my local shops up here trying to play Mr nice he goes on my local bakery and they all say to me what a Lovely guy he is he is misunderstood etc.if only they new.

@buttercup1001

My cat is due his injections but he will turn around and say I will come with you.

This is why you need the police. You should have called them at the school gate earlier when you were away from him. You didn't take that chance and now you're looking for another one. At some point you have to take the chance and call them, without letting on to him that you're going to obviously. But you can't placate him because he's realised something is up now so you are in real danger.

Hopefully you don't have your boy now until next Tuesday?