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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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686 replies

buttercup1001 · 02/09/2021 12:04

Hi my partner of 2/3 years put his hands round my throat 3 weeks ago couldn't breathe for about 15 seconds and he let go.ive since had trouble/ pain in my throat and heartburn alot plus I have become forgettable can these symptoms be due to this or would the symptoms have dissapeared by now?

OP posts:
me4real · 08/09/2021 01:48

The Freedom Programme would reeally help you @buttercup1001 , they're doing a lot via Zoom and you can also do the course yourself online. www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/ - look at stuff when you feel it's safe.

He is lying to you about his past. And he's dangerous.

Women's Aid could help you have a plan.

Lots of people have severe mental health prooblems but we don't throttle people or harm children.

WellThisIsShit · 08/09/2021 02:14

Your poor son, knowing his mama doesn’t love him or care about him to put him first. He will grow up damaged no matter what excuses you tell yourself.

This man doesn’t ‘need you more’, he’s just better at manipulating you… and you’ve convinced yourself that You need Him more than you need your child, so sad.

You aren’t capable of changing this man, and setting his life on the right path, changing his whole soul and freeing him from his anger etc etc etc. It’s a bit arrogant to think you have that power over another adult isn’t it? I mean, I know he’s telling you this rubbish, but really, give your head a proper wobble and Think! Why on earth would you be able to be responsible for a grown adults whole emotions, decisions and life choices?! When has this ever happened in the history of humankind, ever?! It’s just more manipulation and seduction stories, stop falling for it.

The only person whose brain development you can effect is your sons, if you go back to being his mum, and stop your abandonment of him.

buttercup1001 · 08/09/2021 06:28

Category thank u for your kind words and others I do appreciate all the things you've said.its been a long 3 yrs with everything I am trying to balance it all out and pick the right time I know there is never a right time in situations like this but I need to do it when I know I'm in a safe persision and mentally ready which will be soon.i have a direct number for a woman's aid worker who I was involved with 2 years ago he has gone to prison before due to assualting me and he went quilty when I turned up to give evidence so I didn't have to go threw video link etc I know I shouldn't have gone bk then but he sent me all the sorrys and he won't do it again etc this relationship has been such a rollercoaster and I know he's abusive but he makes/made me feel loved I know the voilence isn't showing love but the other side to him was really loving I'm not making excuses for him and I agree with all its not right what he does.he checks my body for bruises and wierd stuff like that thinkin I've been with men well here's not here I know it has to stop and I am trying by best to do it at right time when my son and me r in a safe environment etc because I got his stuff here which makes it more awkward if his stuff wasn't here and he had no ties here it would be slightly easier.

OP posts:
overthethamesfromyou · 08/09/2021 06:57

I hope you get through to the GP today and get some help for your neck

category12 · 08/09/2021 06:58

The nice nasty cycle is classic abuse, tho, op. No one would ever get into domestic abuse situations if it was 100% shit all the time.

If you asked your mum/family to help you end it, do you think they would? Perhaps by bagging up his stuff and dropping it round to the hostel, then locking up your place and having you stay with someone for a few days?

Or maybe you could go into a refuge until you get things sorted?

Is your home social housing? Because if so, the HA or council could probably move you - they have domestic abuse services and your housing officer should be able to help.

Then it would just be the case of staying away from him, which would be hard, but he wouldn't know where you were. And you need to learn how to stay away for everyone's sake, even his (because he may well kill you otherwise, and that's his life over too).

When you're ready to exit the relationship, there is support out there. Please don't leave it too late to rebuild bridges - or to survive.

category12 · 08/09/2021 07:05

The cycle of abuse

Help
category12 · 08/09/2021 07:14

And even if you've had a ton of intervention by services before, they're still there to help you.

Quaverscrisps · 08/09/2021 07:34

I didn't realize you owned your own home. Sorry. If you don't and it's social housing you can still do what I suggested.

Dery · 08/09/2021 09:37

@buttercup1001 - pls note what @category12 is saying about the cycle of abuse. Even abusers don't behave badly all the time. No-one would stick around for that.

Have you yet done any work on yourself to understand why you are so desperate to feel loved and so afraid of being alone that you are staying with a man who has nearly killed you twice, was imprisoned for violence against you; imprisoned for violence against a young girl; and is continuing to make up lies about you to justify further psychological, emotional and no doubt physical violence. And has caused you to lose custody of your son. I think it would be incredibly helpful to you to do that work. Robin Norwood's Women Who Love Too Much would be helpful, I think. And also the Freedom Programme for building up your self esteem.

As PP have said: pls reach out to your family and allow them to help you. Then the police and social services.

One more thing - don't decide to wait until you feel emotionally ready.
In my experience, with serious action you often have to start before you feel ready and the further you get through the action the more ready you feel. Feeling ready often follows action - it doesn't precede it. You're totalling enmeshed with this man - addicted to him, even - you probably won't feel ready to do what's necessary until after you've taken steps to separate yourself from him. Waiting to feel ready just allows you to hide behind excuses for delaying. Start anyway and the feelings will catch up. Your future self and your son will thank you.

buttercup1001 · 08/09/2021 15:40

He left a football for my son last week and today we'll my son was in school he was looking for his football ( my partner) was and he thought my son had taken it not that it would of mattered I would of just got his dad to bring it bk over tomorrow when he drops him off for school.he was talking about my son like he was a grown adult like he had purposely stole it his words were " he better not have taken my ball the cheeky bastard had one of me last week I'm gonna go mad now " it upset me made me feel sick to my stomach I don't know how someone can talk about a child in that way.and in the end my son hadn't took it it was behind my sofa but even if he did it wouldn't of been purposely.

OP posts:
buttercup1001 · 08/09/2021 15:49

It's hurt me him being like that I need to get out because no way am I having someone talk about a child in that way he was talking like he was aiming it at a grown adult who had purposely stolen from him .

OP posts:
frutyloops · 08/09/2021 15:50

All of "he Said" and "he did" - it doesn't matter anymore. Just get rid of him.
Make a plan. Now.

velvetpeach · 08/09/2021 16:01

He is going to hurt your son if you don't do something, NOW. Is he in the house when you collect your son from school?!

You've had so much support and detailed, sympathetic advice and you have just ignored it all to keep simpering away about this absolute psychopath!

Stop updating with more and more details of what a scumbag he is and what he's done. WE KNOW. You just need to act.

What is actually stopping you just phoning the police, now? How can you let him in the same space as your six year old child?!

This is beyond cruel now.

wewereliars · 08/09/2021 16:05

So your family man to be is now calling your young son a bastard and threatenng " to go mad now" .

FGS Get him gone OP.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 08/09/2021 16:22

So on top of being a crackhead you lost custody of your son for and repeatedly strangling you, even after having been in prison for assaulting you. He has now called your six year old son a bastard. Was threatening about him, saying he'll 'go mad'. He's also moved himself into your home. Stay with this man and he will hurt your son. If you don't leave him then I think it's in your son's best interest not to see you anymore because you are not capable of safeguarding him and at some point their paths will meet. Your boyfriend will HATE having to share you, hate not being the centre of your universe, hate that he mentions his dad... he will hate your son. And he will hurt your son. Take as depressingly old as time.

Do. Something. Now.

Cleverpolly3 · 08/09/2021 16:25

Did you make any plans or do anything today ?

givinglessfucksdaily · 08/09/2021 16:45

My god , I could cry reading this
Really hope the boy father is a good man and will keep his son safe always

I have some experience through work of similar situations and can never ever understand why women will choose these wank stains over their own children

Please leave your son with his father and other extended family with his best interests at heart

Dery · 08/09/2021 17:38

"It's hurt me him being like that I need to get out because no way am I having someone talk about a child in that way he was talking like he was aiming it at a grown adult who had purposely stolen from him."

Yes. You need to get out. Not only might this man kill you; he may well kill your son.

So what will help you take the next step? How about you go to your mum's and tell her the truth about what's going on. She can then help you talk to the police. Let people who are equipped to deal with this situation deal with it.

Cleverpolly3 · 08/09/2021 18:45

You need to make him someone else’s problem not yours
Let the police deal with him

wewereliars · 08/09/2021 19:04

OP You seem to be bringing your son more and more into this man's orbit.

If you are planning to end this you absolutely cannot do it on your own with a man such as this. You need to understand that he may hurt your son or worse to spite you.

FlissMumsnet · 08/09/2021 19:58

Hi Again buttercup1001,

We're dropping in again as some of our users have let us know they're concerned about you.

Please do take a look at some of the below - we always recommend real life face to face support although we know Mumsnetters are great at emotional support and advice.

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus

CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

We hope things look a lot brighter for you really soon

Flowers
LadyCatStark · 08/09/2021 20:27

I really hope you can get away from this man for good. He’s horrendous.

Redruby2020 · 08/09/2021 21:47

@buttercup1001

Category thank u for your kind words and others I do appreciate all the things you've said.its been a long 3 yrs with everything I am trying to balance it all out and pick the right time I know there is never a right time in situations like this but I need to do it when I know I'm in a safe persision and mentally ready which will be soon.i have a direct number for a woman's aid worker who I was involved with 2 years ago he has gone to prison before due to assualting me and he went quilty when I turned up to give evidence so I didn't have to go threw video link etc I know I shouldn't have gone bk then but he sent me all the sorrys and he won't do it again etc this relationship has been such a rollercoaster and I know he's abusive but he makes/made me feel loved I know the voilence isn't showing love but the other side to him was really loving I'm not making excuses for him and I agree with all its not right what he does.he checks my body for bruises and wierd stuff like that thinkin I've been with men well here's not here I know it has to stop and I am trying by best to do it at right time when my son and me r in a safe environment etc because I got his stuff here which makes it more awkward if his stuff wasn't here and he had no ties here it would be slightly easier.
I think many of us can relate, I certainly can, the only reason I would urge you to not wait, is because I now know what I should of done sooner/on the spot and didn't. Obviously every case is different and you know the individual better than anyone. And one can not tell you to just do this and that, because it could well put you in danger. But it's mainly about, taking action, so that when you do it, it will get something done on the spot/ASAP, and safeguarding you and your son. Like if for example like they have told other people, to not let the person in, and then call the police, this will mean different things for different people, as it depends on the person's reaction when you do that. And to know that he can't get in the house and do you any harm. It is sad to read all of the posts. As it just reminds me of myself, making excuses, etc. It is hard when someone can be nice and there is some form of normality day to day, which does happen for many, I don't call it acting etc, it's confusing and upsetting more than anything, as you do wish that they could be like that all the time, and it's frustrating why they have to spoil it by being the other way too. Whichever side to the person is their true side, the bad outweighs any good. I have watched countless women who have been so brainwashed and controlled by the guys crap, put them before their child/children in a family, of course if you are scared that has to be taken seriously, but even then, it is clear to see and understand, why people like Social Services look upon that person as being involved in the whole situation, because it becomes about are you that stuck in it and nothing makes you see sense, or, where you had the power and ability to do something, you didn't.
Firetimeagain · 08/09/2021 22:58

Buttercup101 people are getting really upset on this thread because it is so distressing to read. There were two little girls murdered just over the summer holidays by their mothers' boyfriends.

Mumsnet always tell us not to get over-invested in a thread, not to give away more emotionally than is healthy.

But I can't stop thinking about your situation and that of your little boy.

I hope your son's dad realises that you've moved the boyfriend in and takes action to stop your son from going to you at all.
How will that improve your self-esteem in the long term? Knowing that you couldn't do the right thing by being a good mother & keeping him safe?
It's not too late to redeem yourself as a mother. But things are going in the wrong direction.

If you can find the strength to step up, as has been said before it will improve the way you feel about yourself.

Hopingforabagofbuttons · 09/09/2021 05:45

You need to put your son first. Leave him with his father where he is safe, until such time where you can prioritise his safety over your wishes to stay with this crackhead. He doesn’t deserve this, any of it.
You’re hoping he’s going to change and telling us how he makes you feel loved, when he’s not strangling you, checking your body for signs you been having sex with someone else and threatening your child. Ffs get him gone, stop finding excuses that it’s not the right time. Now is the right time, right now.

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