Help

[buttercup1001]

Hi my partner of 2/3 years put his hands round my throat 3 weeks ago couldn't breathe for about 15 seconds and he let go.ive since had trouble/ pain in my throat and heartburn alot plus I have become forgettable can these symptoms be due to this or would the symptoms have dissapeared by now?

@category12

If your family don't like him & disagree with you being with him, wouldn't they support & help you end things with him?

What was your relationship with your family like before you met this man?

This.

I bet your mum would go to the ends of the earth to help you if she knew you were leaving him.

But you already picked this man over your son, your words mean nothing considering your actions have shown quite clearly where your priorities lie.

So if he's living there, where will he go every day whilst your son is in school? He will get up and leave every morning before your son's dad drops him off and stay out all day?? Does he work? What about the weekends?

Is your only contact with your son going to be taking him to and from school every day?

You are condemning yourself to a life of misery, away from your child. I hope you at least are honest with your son's father about this scumbag's ACTUAL living situation, that he has completely moved in, with you, so your son's father can safeguard him away from the pair of you.

@category12

If your family don't like him & disagree with you being with him, wouldn't they support & help you end things with him?

What was your relationship with your family like before you met this man?

This.

"You were right, he is awful I am scared of him and I really want to get him out of my life. Please could you help me get his stuff out of here and I'll show you I am serious about getting my life on track, staying away from him and focusing on my son?"

And then follow through. I'm sure they'd help but I think part of you doesn't want a solution that means you have to not be with him anymore tbh.

Yes he always tells me u don't want sex due to me becoming pregnant and I'm not allowed to take the pill the Dr gave me or he will have meltdown.in may this year I fell pregnant and sadly misscarried he wasn't there my mum was it was he blamed me for having a abortion when I didn't .I calculate my ovulation dates on phone and make out I'm unwell during that time of mitnh so I don't catch .my mum I have a good bond with but not when I mention my bf she doesn't like him and want to know .

He want's a baby when I said no I'm not ready he went mad and said well I want a baby so u am I wasting my time on this relationship with u .he has 2 kids himself one is with his ex he isn't allowed contact tho.his younger one is adopted because him and his ex were heroin addicts.

And yes my mum would help I think she kind of doesn't know because of she did she would hit the roof etc.trying to fit everything in here quickly as his popped to shop .

You're 'not allowed' to take your pill? As in he won't allow it? Hopefully you've been taking it in secret or something.

This just gets worse and worse.

You don't want a baby with him I assume, but he would like to force you to be pregnant. Really think about that. He would like to force a woman he strangles and abuses to be pregnant with his child.

Do you know why he wants to do something so barbaric? It's nothing to do with love. It's to do with power. Because it will make you more vulnerable.

If he threatens to strangle you when you're pregnant, you'll do whatever he says to keep the baby safe. You'll be compliant as you'll fear for your baby's life. Or most mums would anyway. He wants you to be utterly powerless.

So, you and your mum have a good bond other than him because she quite rightly hates him. Therefore why not ask her for help planning leaving him?! She'll be delighted. Why are you dismissing that as an option? She will WANT to get you away from him. She must be devastated to have lost out on a better relationship with her grandson because of this monster. Why won't you ask her for help?!

His other exes had some kind of substance abuse issues where as I am the oppersite I don't take drugs don't even drink only at special occasions birthdays Christmas.

Make an appointment to get the coil or depo injection, and don't tell him that's the reason you're going or that you have it once done.

@buttercup1001

He want's a baby when I said no I'm not ready he went mad and said well I want a baby so u am I wasting my time on this relationship with u .he has 2 kids himself one is with his ex he isn't allowed contact tho.his younger one is adopted because him and his ex were heroin addicts.

Jesus Christ all these poor children involved. He want's a baby when I said no I'm not ready he went mad and said well I want a baby so u am I wasting my time on this relationship with u

Why, when he says this, have you not grabbed the opportunity to say yeah we want different things then. If it's a dealbreaker then let it break whatever deal with the devil this relationship is. Tell him you don't want any more children.

If you get pregnant it's more than likely the baby will be taken away from you at birth and adopted.
Or your mum will take the baby and that will truly cut you off from her support.
Please, please reach out to people in real life. There is help for you if you ask for it.

If he new new I took them he would go mad there in my handbag see unopened he Checks the packet.i lost one with him in may and I say I'm not ready due to the misscarriedge but he says that was months ago now surely your over it etc.

He has two children. One he doesn't see. One he isn't even allowed to see.

You have one child with very limited contact time due to your potential to expose him to an abusive male.

No more kids need to be anywhere near this situation, ever.

Get an appointment and get the coil or depo injection without him knowing.

@buttercup1001

If he new new I took them he would go mad there in my handbag see unopened he Checks the packet.i lost one with him in may and I say I'm not ready due to the misscarriedge but he says that was months ago now surely your over it etc.

You can't live like this. How can you live like this. Your poor sweet boy given up for this creature.

Ask your mum for help. Beg her for it if you need to.

Get yourself out of this situation before you get pregnant. Seek medical help about your throat. Report your assaults to the police and ask how you can protect yourself eg restraining orders. Get a shit ton of therapy to make sure this doesn't happen again.

Rebuild your relationship with your son without trying to become his primary carer as he doesn't deserve anymore upheaval.

www.nhs.uk/service-search/other-services/Sexual-health-information-and-support/LocationSearch/734

Find a sexual health clinic near you that does walk-ins or get an appointment. Get something he cannot tamper with/stop you using.

This gets better and better.. so he already has two kids he isn't allowed to see, as he was (is?) a heroin addict?! Wow. Is that why he's so keen on staying at yours and not the hostel, where drug taking won't be allowed?? Do you use drugs too?

You seem to want to get pregnant, there's so many options for your own contraception, the pill, the coil, the implant, you could easily arrange this on your way to/from school when allegedly this guy isn't about. If you have an ounce of common sense, you'll see that it's much better to prevent pregnancy with this man, as if you stay together there is no way SS will let you keep the baby, as well they should.

You are choosing not to take any responsibility for your part in any of this, but you have agency. Your son and any future children do not.

I don't understand your family saying they don't approve and won't talk about him so they won't help you? Surely that means they'd all rush to help if you said he has attacked you and you need to get out.

And if you're worried about judgement: what is worse, possibly being told 'We told you so' by your family as they help get you away from a violent and manipulative man, or being dead and your son having no mum?

You have a life ahead of you, please, please take the door out towards it. Go the hospital or GP and explain what happened and your symptoms. You don't need to protect this man, quite the opposite. Please recognise your own and your son's value over him.

Why are you with this psychopath op?

I mean seriously?
Wtf are you doing?

Out of interest op... its just, something about your absoluteness of replies on this forum is making me wonder if you have autistic traits? It's just, my best mates little sister who bas autism, has had a string of these sorts and (of course, it can happen to anyone, but) she is always just so completely obsessed with each one that nothing anyone else says seems to get through to her. And it seems like this might be the case here.

It's just, it doesnt appear that anything anyone is saying is really getting through. And it so reminds me of the nights we've spent on interventions with her. Luckily she always seems to have sudden realisations on her own out of the blue. Buts it's as if she cant see the wood for the trees even when we spell it out in bloody bullet points. Until she wants to.

@buttercup1001

Yes he always tells me u don't want sex due to me becoming pregnant and I'm not allowed to take the pill the Dr gave me or he will have meltdown.in may this year I fell pregnant and sadly misscarried he wasn't there my mum was it was he blamed me for having a abortion when I didn't .I calculate my ovulation dates on phone and make out I'm unwell during that time of mitnh so I don't catch .my mum I have a good bond with but not when I mention my bf she doesn't like him and want to know .

L E A V E !!!!!!?????!?????????????? YOUR SON IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THIS TWAT. Open your eyes!!!!

(Not saying that that isnt the same for most ppl going through abuse of course. They have to realise it for themselves. Its just something about your replies were giving me death vu).

*deja vu

This a definitely a wind up. It gets more incredulous with every new piece of info. I think a giveaway was saying police were called but she 'dropped charges'. As others pointed out, it doesn't work like that in the UK. If he has a history of violence and abuse towards women (which he does) he would be arrested and put away without the OP to push on with her complaint.

The pregnancy and contraception bit doesn't make any sense either.

I’m starting to think troll

No I'm not autistic but do suffer with depression and low self esteem.im on and off for to him being here etc .I am going to take the coil option this week.i don't have issues with drugs or any substance I'm just a single mum well was and with low confidence and he came in to my life and made me happy until the anger and abuse.im trying to fit everything in and answer when he's out the room.