Help

[buttercup1001]

Hi my partner of 2/3 years put his hands round my throat 3 weeks ago couldn't breathe for about 15 seconds and he let go.ive since had trouble/ pain in my throat and heartburn alot plus I have become forgettable can these symptoms be due to this or would the symptoms have dissapeared by now?

'It happened'

Yeah, the man in your house strangled you. Took your neck in his hands and tried to squeeze the life out of you.

Come on now op. Enough is enough.
See your gp. Speak with the police. Then while he is out being interviewed, change the locks and put his stuff out.

@buttercup1001

It happened in the 3rd of August im thiinkin if it was to do with that it would of shown sooner unless symtoms can take time I am worried about it

WELL GO TO HOSPITAL THEN!!!!

nobody will judge you
That Prince amongst men on the other hand

@velvetpeach

Actually I’m just waiting for the thread to be deleted so she can fully retreat into ostrich mode

@Cleverpolly3 agreed, although I think at this point she just likes the attention. She obviously has no intention of leaving him, or trying to, as her attitude is so defensive and dismissive, it's as if she is enjoying having people worry about her and ignore it.

It's actually really uncomfortable to read her responses, there's something "off" about it. I've been in a physically abusive relationship before, so I understand the fear and denial part, but her tone is almost nonchalant, and the endless trivial updates about how "lovely" he can be is just taking the piss at this point.

What is more important to you, validation from this man, or your relationship with your child?

In the future your child will want to know why you chose a man over him, what will you say?

He sounds a very damaged individual.

Does he take drugs at your home, is he using your space to indulge in things he cannot do at the hostel.

He is using you op, he clearly thinks he is physically better than you and you seem to believe him. It doesn't matter what he looks like, it's how he treats you and behaves that you need to take notice of.

This cannot last, if I were you I would actually move home, end the relationship and get as far away as possible from him and until you are totally free do not have your son with you full time.

He is a dangerous individual and you have invited him into your life, fuck the attraction and sex, you need to step up lady.
You are a mother and that must be your priority, you are failing your child, fuck looking after him.

You are being utterly selfish having this relationship (however crap he treats you) when your child needs you.

Move away from him, you know this will end badly.

You are infatuated with someone who does not give a shit about you, he is using you and it sounds like he's running out of people to use.

Your poor child.

Ffs go to hospital or a doctor. Stop being ridiculous. If you aren't going to do that, why did you post?

You aren't going to leave him either because you've allowed him to move his stuff in (lovely for your son to see the belongings of the man you chose over him when he comes to visit btw) or whatever ridiculous reason you will give next.

You've moved him in to what should be your child's second home. The man who you chose over him. Jesus wept.

He tried to kill you. He has caused serious damage if a month on you have symptoms. So go to a doctor / hospital. If you aren't prepared to why did you bother posting? People weren't going to diagnose you over the internet. You need it looked at. So go.

Can't believe you've moved him in. Wow.

So he's strangled too, told you he'll do it again and you've lost your son because of him?
Fuck that!!!
Wake up, smell the coffee and get rid of this loser before he kills you. He won't change.
Put your child first for once and get rid!

Also, if he's moved in where will you have your son? Is he going to be subjected to it too?

The first time someone put their hands round my throat I would leave that relationship. If he threatened to kill himself that would be his choice and his responsibility.

Just a thought to bear in mind...
If you become pregnant which he may encourage as it increases his control over you, he is likely to become more violent to you and there is every chance that the child would be removed once it is born.

Yes when he gets kicked out of wherever he's staying on probation, for breaking the rules, he will presumably expect to be at yours on contact days too. So what happens then?

You'll only see your son outside of your home as he won't be safe at yours?

You'll see him for less time than usual as he won't be safe at yours and when it's dark you can't really have a six year old with you outdoors all evening?

Your sons father finds out you've moved this monster in and pursues you having no more contact with your son because you are making decisions that are directly opposed to his wellbeing?

You'll have lost not just primary custody of your son because of this man, you'll also have lost contact time and your son will have been rejected by you yet again because you refuse to put him first?

I would guess the first, second, third and then fourth of those will happen in order.

But you love this man (the man who strangles you, thinks you shag anyone you look at and is the reason you lost your son) more than anything else so it feels inevitable.

Also are you trying for a baby with him? I get the feeling that's likely.

OP this is truly a simple decision to make.

Do you want to stay alive, yes or no?

If yes you need to leave him right now, you can do it, you're making excuses not to do it.

Do you love your son more than you love him? I hope the answer is yes, in which case leave him right now.

Call his support worker, tell them the truth he strangled you.
Call the police, he needs to be arrested for this.
Call women's aid.

Do not let him back in your house.

Block him on your phone.

You will in the future meet a nice man who does love you and won't hurt you.
This monster you are with doesn't love you, will hurt you,and will ultimately end up killing you.

Ugh, we're all wasting our breath on her. She's ditched her poor child in favour of this loser and nothing any of us say will change her mind.
Hopefully all contact with her son will be withdrawn soon and him and his father can get on with their lives together.
OP will probably end up dead sadly. Or at the very least alone and miserable for the rest of her life, wracked with regret.
Get some ibuprofen down you and forget about it OP. Next time he'll probably do a much better job. You foolish, foolish woman.

@buttercup1001

I'm trying to change him with getting him the help so he can become a family man I wasn't saying I was putting him before my son I wanted to try and fix the relationship

You can't change evil people. They will act all nice for a while (like he does all ready), then they will attack.

He has strangled you twice (cent get round why you stayed after first one, or why you choose a potential murderer over your son), but seriously why the hell are you still with him after the second time.

How many times does he have to do it before you value your life over his?

@buttercup1001

I know he can change I just wanted support or advice etc because I felt concerned also of my throat

You are seriously deluded.

He can't change.

He has support already. It's made no difference, he still strangled you a second time, and has told you he WILL do it again. Those aren't the words said by someone willing to change.

@buttercup1001

And my family disapprove so haven't got them to help me etc

Do you have a social worker or any other professional support person?

So @buttercup1001 I have a question for you:

Your house is on fire, your son and this 'man' are trapped inside.

You can save only one of them - who will you save?

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Also are you trying for a baby with him? I get the feeling that's likely.

I get that feeling too. OP has clearly given up on the first one and she's moved the wanker in now, its just the logical next step in this Happy Families fantasy she has.

You know that if you become pregnant with this monster you will lose another innocent child immediately, which would be for the best anyway as it seems he is your only interest.

How much abuse are you willing to put up with ?
He can't change, he doesn't want to change, he's been abusing women in his life for years.

Sadly you'll just become another statistic!

Sorry I am reading threw as much as I can as he's here .so time is limited I would pick my son over him 500% in his fire.its my low self esteem which keeps me hanging on to my partner I know I sound selfish but all his stuffs here it would be impossible to end it him moving his stuff out and it ending all happy I will have difficulty as my family don't support me being with him they speak to me etc I'm close to my mum but if I mention him she shuts me off as she doesn't agree.i am going to try and book a appointment tomorrow with gp as my son's bk in school so I will he doing the school run and my normal routine will be bk to normal as my partner goes when my son is here for school etc.

Op have you been trying for a baby with this man? Has he mentioned he would like to?

If your family don't like him & disagree with you being with him, wouldn't they support & help you end things with him?

What was your relationship with your family like before you met this man?