Help

[buttercup1001]

Hi my partner of 2/3 years put his hands round my throat 3 weeks ago couldn't breathe for about 15 seconds and he let go.ive since had trouble/ pain in my throat and heartburn alot plus I have become forgettable can these symptoms be due to this or would the symptoms have dissapeared by now?

@Pinkbonbon

OP you see yourself reflected back at you in his eyes. That's the good you see. But that is not who he is. It is simply a trick.

He is not fixable because he hs not broken. He is just nothing like you. He is a predator.

Also, if a trained psychologist or psychiatrist cannot 'cure' a sociopath or similar, why the hell do you think you could? Do you have a magic cure? Because if so, you'd be a millionaire!

This isnt disney op. It's real life.
Time to put your big girl pants on and save yourself.

It seems to be a trait with some women, me included admittedly, but I know better now. That we want to help or fix men! Be it from so called 'mental health problems' substance abuse issues and any other abuse and bloody excuses. I have watched two women close to me who choose men over themselves and children, it's so sad.

@buttercup1001

Even his mum doesn't talk to him she just tells him she's busy and then he comes here and takes it out on me saying why do people treat me like this why am I not allowed a chance everyone never helps him etc.he says he's trying to change but family and support workers fail him he said it's like no one wants to know even when he's trying to change .then I get the hassle of him then him saying that it's unfair he's not allowed a chance to prove he's changed he shows so much passion in his voice that he wants to change and feels everyone doesn't wanna know or help him.

Yes some people need additional help, but they need to help themselves too. What is always apparent, is how often it is 'someone else's fault' and yes of course it can be a case of being given a chance, or people giving you the opportunity, but there are cases where that is not possible, this is one of them. Sometimes someone can not and doesn't want to give the person the time of day! And his mother has the right idea! You can't really hang around and 'help' people, when they have already tried to strangle you! Whether he turns in to an angel or not in the future(impossible) it's what he has already done that has ended your possibility of even considering to stay with this guy!!

@buttercup1001

Youvegottenminuteslynn he tells me things like" why would u want to throw away someone as good looking as me " it would be your loss someone else's gain "things like that.

Well if he's that good looking someone else will run after him then!

@buttercup1001

I'm going to make a appointment tomorrow and tell him it's for something else.hes coming bk later at around 6pm and will he with me till Tuesday so will have to make uo somethin until I go in to the drs room and then tell them because I think only one person is allowed in anyway due to covid.

So what? He would of come to the doctors appointment?!

@buttercup1001

I suffer with low confidence and self esteem which i think makes me more weaker to leave I don't have alot of confidence so it makes me feel like he is the best I can do .I hate the feeling and wish I could stand my ground and tell where to go I really do.

It's like what came first, the chicken or the egg, it won't change until you change something. If you see what I mean, by getting out or away from him, your self esteem etc will pick up, it's a vicious circle by staying it won't get better.

@buttercup1001

I'm hoping I will find a way out sooner rather than later and try but I'd my confidence back up to feel ok with myself and not depressed all day long my son is such a Lovely polite little boy and I feel like crying when his dad picks him up I know deep down I am awful for choosing this man I just wish I had the curridge to say off u go I am hoping I will be strong enough soon.

But you will feel depressed whilst you stay in this situation! You will have to change it before the rest gets better.

@buttercup1001

Pinkbonbon it's my place he is in a hostel ( temp accomdation) where he has support workers there monitoring he has no keys etc he just stays with me has been here since July since the summer holidays he goes bk when I have my son which is today so he will be bk later this evening around 6pm.he constanly asks me do I love him all the time every 10 mins he's so loving saying he couldn't cope without me and then I feel like I'm being loved because of his words the way he tells me he loves me regularly I really do hate the situation I'm in but find it so hard to get out of it

🙄 Yes I was told this a lot too, unfortunately without the actions to go with it, it means very little.

@buttercup1001

There was no injuries to my neck it was all inside my throat.i went to the Dr the first time he did it and called the police and I dropped the charges it was awful I couldn't cope with it at all it made me depressed because I thought he was gonna go prison I just didn't know what to do.i feel so weak at the moment' I feel I'm not strong enough to go threw it all again that's y I didn't go to the drs this time etc

So he has done it before?! 🤦‍♀️

@Pinkbonbon

And if he loses his place at the hostel for coming over to yours, where do you think he is going to want to stay? How long before he does have keys? You gotta act fast op.

This might be the last chance you get anyway, because next time he visits, he might just kill you.

Yeah exactly, what a waste of I assume public funds, as I doubt he is paying for himself?! That people get these places, okay be it they are not very nice I doubt, but he shouldn't be going over to OP's place all the time!

So you are putting this guy before your son, seriously!!!!

The second you got the Clare's law report you should have ditched him to protect not only you but your son too.

You need to report what he has done to the police and leave him immediately.

The next time he might not stop

@buttercup1001

I know he can change I just wanted support or advice etc because I felt concerned also of my throat

So how many times will you let him strangle you during this transitional period whilst he gets help 'changing' 🤦‍♀️🙄😡

OP let him threaten suicide, infarct, let him top himself, he is evil and him not being on this earth is really no bad thing

@buttercup1001

He seems to think I am responsible for his ways and if I didn't do things that set him off he pwujdnf he like that .but I only politely replied hello to him.he tells me I should think before I speak to the oppersite sex in future due to him feeling this way jealous etc .

🤦‍♀️ Yes I used to say/think if I just speak differently or do this or that differently it will all just go away, no it didn't. And there were times my ex would be all in a good mood and calm, and say 'you see if you just talk like this all the time' I am fine you see 🙄

@buttercup1001

He's doing the house work now and will say look at all I've done for u cleaning etc and then make me out that I'm useing him because he's doing the housework I feel no way out I feel terrible because he helps round the house etc but I don't like the anger and the jealousy and when gets aggressive etc .I feel sorry for him that he helps round the house and stuff but then that doesn't mean I deserve to then be abused etc by his anger and tantrums

Why do you feel sorry that he cleans your house, when he stays in the bloody place?!🤦‍♀️

If this is real then whether you mean to or not you're coming across as not really taking on board any of the very sensible advice people have kindly offered as you're in "rescuer" mode and want to "save him" which you seem to think is better than being single and safe. And as others have said your actions clearly demonstrate you have prioritised this man over your child.

As you clearly don't think he is a real threat despite his actions and clear statistics demonstrating otherwise by all means stay with him but do your child a favour and leave him with his responsible parent. Even if you don't think you deserve better for yourself, your child does.

And as for the cleaning. It is normal behaviour for adults to clean their homes. He isn't doing anything special.

@HalzTangz

So you are putting this guy before your son, seriously!!!!

The second you got the Clare's law report you should have ditched him to protect not only you but your son too.

You need to report what he has done to the police and leave him immediately.

The next time he might not stop

Exactly. Despite us all knowing that you can't just walk out when you have a home etc, as I don't know how people deal with it all, like if you have to go in a refuge etc. I was fortunate that our housing came to an end and we had to leave, and we were staying in separate homes then. But it's not like OP has her son with her full time to have to worry about walking out in the middle of the night etc. And as the father takes care of them, she can then at least rely on him. I wouldn't wait OP go up to A&E tell them what's happened, tell the police whilst you are there. Just get that moment where this guy is not there, and go!! Dressed with a couple of things with you if need be, money etc. Tell the police he will be coming around, now my fear is they will most likely(but I would like to think not) say if it is your home, if he turns up don't let him in, call 999 and they will arrest him. But you want your plan in place and not just go in to the unknown. If he is not there whilst your child is, why haven't you used the phone during that time?!! Why haven't you booked an appointment and gone during that time?!

There is nothing anyone can say to this woman at all. She has lost her son and is still letting this cunt into her house.

OP have you got ANYONE in RL who can talk some sense to you?! Anyone?

It's hard because he's moved all his stuff in plus his birthday next week and I've got him stuff I know I sound silly but half the time he's so nice and little percentage he goes off on one I feel like I'm being nasty or rude telling him it's over etc plus if I did I will go threw hell with him and he will turn all his stuff here see.

He won't leave quietly

And my family disapprove so haven't got them to help me etc

You've given your son to his dad to keep this abuser in your life. That is so sad.
Please call women's aid and the police, they will help you get him out safely.

@buttercup1001

It's hard because he's moved all his stuff in plus his birthday next week and I've got him stuff I know I sound silly but half the time he's so nice and little percentage he goes off on one I feel like I'm being nasty or rude telling him it's over etc plus if I did I will go threw hell with him and he will turn all his stuff here see.

Have you noticed everything you write is about him. Where are you in all of this? More importantly where is your son in the middle of this shit show?

Nothing is really sinking in is it?

When you started this thread what were you hoping for?

What you should be doing right now is going to A&E expanding your “partner” attempted to strangle you and since then you have not felt right

You should also contact the police and make a statement

You should get your locks changed and put his stuff outside for him to collect

You should apply for a non Molestation order

You should return the gifts you’ve bought him to the shop for a refund

But of course you are just going to keep wittering on about him or trying to kill you most of the time and just keep going round in circles

We all know he will be there on his birthday while you walk on eggshells on case he kicks off again. Which he will.

*wittering On about him NOT trying to kill you most of the time that should read

It happened in the 3rd of August im thiinkin if it was to do with that it would of shown sooner unless symtoms can take time I am worried about it