Be honest. If a man expected you...

[AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit]

to split the bill on a first date would it put you off?

@SheWoreYellow

I’d want him to offer to pay for it but for my suggestion to split it to be fairly quickly accepted.

Why would you want the man to offer?

I would expect the meal to be split.
If a friend suggests going out for a meal would you expect them to pay for you??

No definitely not

What @sheworeyellow said

@Stigofthedump40

Honestly.. yes. Im old school

It’s not old school, it’s sexist. What you’re saying is you think this sexist practice should still happen because…why? Men should look after women? Men should take financial control?

Yes. It would be the first and only date.

I'd expect and want to pay half. I dislike the expectation of owing something in return for food.

I wouldn't go for dinner on a first date i.e. first time meeting someone face to face. But if I did splitting the bill wouldn't bother me.

I’ve been for the dinner where the man has paid many times and none have them have ever “expected” anything, and if they have then they certainly haven’t made it known!

It wouldn’t put me off. I think whoever has done the asking out and choosing of the restaurant should at least offer to pay though, especially on a first date. After that 50:50.

No it wouldn't put me off but I wouldn't expect him to pay. My dh said he loved that I paid for the drinks on our first date (he offered but I insisted and I was at the bar first!) as previous gf's had always expected him to pay (on all dates!).

Absolutely not. It would be the perfect outcome as far as I’m concerned. I felt that way as a 20 year old student with very little money and I feel exactly the same now as a 40 year old who earns six figures. I have never needed a man to pay for me in order to fancy him.

I’d appreciate the generosity if he offered, and I’d graciously accept that as long as we understood it would be reciprocated. I enjoy treating people too, but I’d hate that to solely be an expectation of the man.

I can so easily see how the expectation that the man pays leads to the kind of relationships that you see talked about on mumsnet threads all the time, where the DH goes out to work, earns the bulk of the money and the DW is expected to do all the drudgery, parenting, carry the mental load even if they work themselves. It feels like a natural consequence of having such a sexist and old fashioned view of who pays when dating.

When I met DH we enjoyed treating each other, and/or splitting costs. That fairness and equality has manifested itself in all parts of our relationship - from housework to child rearing. We’re equal partners and that is everything to me.

I would insist on splitting the bill but would think more highly if he had offered to pay. Not sure why and probably old fashioned and I’ve not dated for 27 years so maybe don’t listen to me.
I met dh on holiday and he brought a few rounds of drinks compared to other men I met on holiday who thought that if they brought you a drink that at least entitled them to something in kind.

Nope, I would expect to split the bill.

It wouldn't put me off as such, I'd prefer it if he did pay though on the first one. 50:50 at the start is OK but I'd hate that to be the ongoing norm, it feels so unromantic and penny pinching. I will pay my way though, but I prefer to take it in turns.

The argument that women spend more ££ in getting ready for dates in general is an interesting one. Doubt the man is aware of that though and its not his fault I suppose

I'd expect to split the bill. I think it's the fair thing to do.
It also clears up any expectations - I've come across several men who think spending a few quid entitles them to something from you.

I've only ever accepted one paid for date and he brought it up continually throughout our year long relationship. Never again!

No of course not.

It wouldn't put me off at all, but them wanting to treat me would be a plus.

Although I'd admit it's a fine line for me, because if they seemed butt hurt I offered to pay half like I've destroyed a part of their fragile masculinity then I definitely wouldn't go on another date with them. You know, the type that would be offended that a woman would even insist on paying half.

Yes I would be put off if he expected it, I work part time and have children, I don't earn the same as a man with a full time pay, so I would think he's struggling with money himself or unkind, the first date is to impress me, I would also only date if the man to travels over to my town if at a distance too, This is only for the first date though, once I've seen he's keen and thinks I'm worth spending on then I would be happy to pay by way more, there's so many men that don't know how to treat a lady so I'm not giving them an easy time on the first date.

Everyone's in different circumstances though, if a woman is a equal earner or the higher earner then why not, but if you're not then your always going to feel you have to go 50/50 in the relationship too if it progresses that far, he may take advantage of not spending more.

On one hand its nice for them to pay because a womans behind the scenes exoenses far outweigh the cost of the date itself.

@seensome

Yes I would be put off if he expected it, I work part time and have children, I don't earn the same as a man with a full time pay, so I would think he's struggling with money himself or unkind, the first date is to impress me, I would also only date if the man to travels over to my town if at a distance too, This is only for the first date though, once I've seen he's keen and thinks I'm worth spending on then I would be happy to pay by way more, there's so many men that don't know how to treat a lady so I'm not giving them an easy time on the first date.

Everyone's in different circumstances though, if a woman is a equal earner or the higher earner then why not, but if you're not then your always going to feel you have to go 50/50 in the relationship too if it progresses that far, he may take advantage of not spending more.

Isn’t the first date to get to know each other, not for one person (more ridiculous that this person must be the one with the penis) to impress the other.

Maybe a little. More so if he didn't even offer, I'd insist on paying half but I'd like him to offer first. It really shouldn't put u off but for me it sorta would. Especially if it went well and we were going to see each other again. I'd be worried he might be an absolute tight arse.

I wouldn't want to go for a meal on a first date either. A few drinks and take it in turns to buy a round. I have had a few cringey dates, including one where a guy got himself a drink before I turned up and then didn't offer me one when I arrived which is a bit awkward, and then kept informing me it was my 'turn'. When he bought me a gin he wouldn't let me choose what I wanted but went for the cheapest available. The whole thing just felt uncomfortable like he was obsessed with spending as little as possible.

I have to be honest that yes it would put me off. I did quite a lot of online dating and my rule was that if I didn’t want to see them again I would absolutely insist that we split the bill but if I did want to see them again I would accept and say it would be my turn next time - and then insist on paying on the second date (if there was one).

Thinking back they almost always at least offered to pay.

CoffeeTopUp

SheWoreYellow
“I’d want him to offer to pay for it but for my suggestion to split it to be fairly quickly accepted.”
Why would you want the man to offer?

The sort of man who doesn’t offer tends to be a skinflint or lacking in manners IME.