Be honest. If a man expected you...

[AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit]

to split the bill on a first date would it put you off?

@seaandsandcastles

Yes. I would expect him to pay for me and if he didn’t it would tell me the relationship was a no-go as he isn’t a fan of traditional values.

You mean outdated values

How on earth is that “manly” unless he’s doing this while also drawing attention to the fact he has a penis?

Perhaps he types his PIN with his willy to demonstrate his manliness. Not sure how it would work with contactless or Apple Pay though.

I also think if you are asking someone out for dinner, the onus is kind of you (regardless of sex) to pay otherwise stick to drinks/picnics/walks that do not require an investment of any kind.

@frogswimming

If he 'expected' me to pay half I'd be put off. I'd want him to offer to pay for it all. I would offer to pay at least half. He would say 'no, no I insist' or similar. Otherwise I'd thing he was stingy.

He might think you’re stingy!

I would be happy to split.

No. I would not only expect to pay half, I'd prefer it. I don't like this idea of a man somehow paying for my time/company. Once I'm dating someone properly, I'm happy to alternate paying or treat them / be treated on occasion.

Wouldn't put me off but I do think it's nice when they treat

@frogswimming

If he 'expected' me to pay half I'd be put off. I'd want him to offer to pay for it all. I would offer to pay at least half. He would say 'no, no I insist' or similar. Otherwise I'd thing he was stingy.

Why do women like it when men to insist that they know best and they don’t want to listen to what their date wants?

No. I’d offer to pay myself. It never put my DH off and he is a very good, generous person.

Wow I'm surprised at some of the sexist, outdated views on here. First few dates are to see how it goes, why does it matter who asked who? You both agreed to the date. Why are men seen as tight or uninvested if they don't pay?! And the comment about ruining the romance for having to split the bill... Bizarre. This would also mean that in the pursuit of romance, men would pay for far more as must be a fair few first dates that never have a follow up. If I were a man I'd run a mile from some of these posters.

It depends who invited who on a date.

If I was invited on a date I wouldn't expect to pay.
If I invited someone I would pay.

If we agreed say to go out for something then I would say half the bill.

Yes. Especially if he asked me or invited me out. I don't expect him to pay all the time I am happy to treat but certainly on the first date I would expect him to pay. I would offer to pay my half but if he took it I wouldn't see him again. If it went well I would insist on inviting on the second or third date. Once the relationship gets going I don't believe in splitting bills but I'm ok with sometimes he pays sometimes I do.

I should add that I am 50 so my way of thinking may be somewhat outdated. That said I would not go out with anyone who wasn't age appropriate so we would probably have the same ideas anyway. If we didn't we wouldn't be seeing each other anyway!

We are all different.

No, I'd expect to pay for myself (not 50/50) but I wouldn't be offended if he offered to pay the whole bill.

Nope, I've got my own money I don't need anyone to pay for me. First date with Mr Rolla, he bought the first round of drinks, I bought the second, we split the bill for a meal.

@wtfisgoingon2021

It depends who invited who on a date.

If I was invited on a date I wouldn't expect to pay.
If I invited someone I would pay.

If we agreed say to go out for something then I would say half the bill.

The problem here is that most women do not want to ask a man out on a date. They want to be asked.

@Poppins88 Apart from the fact that it's good manners for the person who asked the other out to cover the bill

is this only for romantic dinners or any social occasion ??? Never occurred to me that if I suggest an outing to friends then I should pay.

Good grief, no wonder Men get confused sometimes about how they’re meant to behave!

@Mybalconyiscracking Men, like women, should not be expected to behave in any particular way. They should be free to be themselves.

I’m married so it’s largely irrelevant now, but what I want is a traditional relationship with a man with traditional values. I wouldn’t care whether that meant I’m in the minority or if it would take longer to find someone the same as me.

We’re all allowed to desire our own things from a relationship and traditional values would be an absolute must for me.

Purple. I think it's just first date etiquette. I wouldn't think he would know best in other situations. It's just like saying 'how are you' and replying 'I'm fine thanks'. If he couldn't pay without future expectations of sex in return or being the boss then the date would be very short.

@TheWayTheLightFalls

How on earth is that “manly” unless he’s doing this while also drawing attention to the fact he has a penis?

Perhaps he types his PIN with his willy to demonstrate his manliness. Not sure how it would work with contactless or Apple Pay though.

👏

[quote RollaCola84]**@Poppins88* Apart from the fact that it's good manners for the person who asked the other out to cover the bill*

is this only for romantic dinners or any social occasion ??? Never occurred to me that if I suggest an outing to friends then I should pay.[/quote]
Exactly!

So, if I suggested lunch out to a friend, it’s on me, is it?!

Some of the views on this thread are just embarrassing.

@coffeeTopUp yes precisely.. i also think women are better placed looking after the home while men work.. it is very old school and very sexist but it is how i was raised and thankfully my partner has the same views.. he pays for everything, brings money home and i look after our children. He pays on all our dates even now.. it makes him feel like the man

This thread is a total eye opener on why some women end up in disastrously unequal relationships unable to figure out how they ended up in a cycle of drudgery

I was thinking the exact opposite. The early dates set the tone for a relationship. If he can not even manage to treat you to dinner, much less weekends away etc and show some keen interest and romance, then what the hell happens in twenty years, and he is slumped in front of the TV and puts zero effort into the relationship, hasn't bought you flowers in a decade and does not appreciate anything you do.

I insist on being treated well. That starts at the beginning.

No, that would be fine as long as it was 50:50 and not all that faffing with a calculator to work out who had 40p worth of extra pudding.

I'd assume 50/50. But I was a 90s teen and it was all about being equal.

I would accept flowers. Although dh won me by bringing me cold remedies and not being put off by the snot monster I turned into 4 weeks after I first met him. Buying dinner on the first date seems a bit like an investment that wants repaying; sudafed shows you actually give a shit.

As I said, my opinion is based on experience. Men that are interested in pursuing things tend to invest in their dates through, time, planning effort and yes finances. Men that are on the fence or flat out not bothered aren't as keen to please/impress again, in my experience. I'm not actually bothered about the money side of things, it's more what it represents. I don't necessarily want to date a man who doesn't mind what I might think of him splitting the bill, particularly if he's the one who asked me out. And yes, I think men should take the lead in dating but that's purely a personal preference as I tend to be attracted to dominant, decisive types.