Is my Gf being fair with finances?

[jones88]

ive recently moved in with my gf. She has two dc from a previous relationship. I will be contributing enough money to cover her bills and rent (we have already agreed to this, she would not have let me move in otherwise and hers is cheaper than when I was renting alone) but she now wants me to pay the weekly grocery shop too. This leaves her with more or less her full wage + money from ex for children. When ive said to take the money out of what I give her, she says that I eat a lot more than her and her kids and that its only 'fair'. She said she will save her wage for holidays for all of us so that I dont need to contribute when we go away. Is she taking the piss out of me or is this fair

If you're wondering whether your GF is 'taking the piss' - irrespective of the circumstances - then you probably shouldn't be moving in together.

Usually the thing to do is split finances in proportion to what you earn.
I earn slightly less than my husband and so we split the bills 60:40. So he pays 60% and I pay 40%.

also just to add, her rent & bills etc (what ill be covering) is not that expensive in her city

So you pay all rent, bills and groceries? Yep, she's taking the piss. I wouldn't move in with her if I were you.

She's playing you like a fiddle. Your previous threads highlighted that, so I'm not convinced decided that living together with her was a smart move. What are you getting out of the relationship?

If you’ve moved in, you’re not covering HER rent & bills, you’re covering THE rent & bills.

Does she have debt that you don’t know about, maybe that’s what she is using her money for?

Honestly, it doesn’t sound fair that you cover all the household bills, rent & food.
Unless there are other massive costs that she is covering?

Yes I also think she's taking the piss, but why did you agree to cover all her rent and bills in the first place? You obviously thought it was worth it to move in with her?

Your covering al the out goings?!
Ofc she's taking the piss

Of course she's taking advantage of you. She wants you to pay for everything in the belief that she'll treat you to a holiday at some time in the future. No way. She's shown her true colours - I wouldn't negotiate. I'd just back out of the relationship now.

Of course she’s taking the piss. If you’ve already moved in then I’d move straight back out

I've always done rent & bills straight down the middle, and man pays 60% grocery bill, woman pays 40% grocery bill.

However, she and her two dcs probably eat equal to what you eat, so in your case I'd just split everything 50:50.

@Horehound

Usually the thing to do is split finances in proportion to what you earn. I earn slightly less than my husband and so we split the bills 60:40. So he pays 60% and I pay 40%.

They’re not married though, only just moved in and the op has two children from a previous relationship. I don’t think splitting finances in this way is fair in this case.

She is taking you for a complete mug....I'm surprised you even needed to ask.

You need to ask?? 🤦‍♀️

Of course this isn't fair...and you are being naive and gullible for agreeing to the 'rent and bills' thing in the first place!!

Groceries on top too? You'd be a complete mug 🤷‍♀️

I agree with pp, she is taking advantage of you financially. You should not be paying all the rent, bills and food. They should be split either proportionally based on your incomes, or proportionally based on cost.

Income way you add your incomes together to create a total income and then divide to determine what % you each earn of that total income. So if you earned 3x what she does, you’d pay 75% of bills. This is usually for well established long term relationship where any children are both of yours or have been adopted.m

Cost way, you assign value of 1 person for each adult in household, and 1/2 person for each child and then divide that into total household costs. So say she has 2 DC, she then pays for 2/3rds of bills and you 1/3rd. I’d recommend this method as you are still early in relationship and the DCs are not yours.

Has she lost benefits money if you move in? How much would she lose?

How much more than her do you earn?

Of course it’s not fair. Seriously. If she can meet these costs now, why do they all fall on you now? Then she pays for a holiday? Sounds like she’s already on one.

Of course she's taking the piss.
You pay for everything for both her and her children and she pays for nothing?
No thanks.

Ha, ha - nice try love! She is utterly taking the piss

Leave her

What are you even considering this?

Is she amazing in bed? Is she due a massive inheritance? Have you got poor self esteem?

You pay rent, bills and groceries and she pays ummmmmm holidays?

Yeah, no.

@Jerryandtom

So you pay all rent, bills and groceries? Yep, she's taking the piss. I wouldn't move in with her if I were you.

....

Like most other posters, I am wondering why you even need to ask if you paying for everything and her paying for nothing is fair,. 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn’t be happy with that. I’d be wanting to go 50:50. However if her benefits are affected by you moving in, you may have to consider the implications of that. But not to the extend she pays bugger all and you pay everything. Even if she says she will put money by for a holiday (which you know will be with the children not the two of you so even there she’s not playing fair as there are more of them than you-and in the event you split up do you see her handing over however many months of holiday savings to you, no chance!

You either pay some bills of equal total amount each on a monthly basis, or you give her half the living costs but don’t do what she’s suggesting.

TBH it looks like she’s using you.

Who knows, she may already have a good amount of maintenance coming in from an ex and between that and you she would be living free!!