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Relationships

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Original poster

Is my Gf being fair with finances?

165 replies

jones88 · 31/08/2021 14:36

ive recently moved in with my gf. She has two dc from a previous relationship. I will be contributing enough money to cover her bills and rent (we have already agreed to this, she would not have let me move in otherwise and hers is cheaper than when I was renting alone) but she now wants me to pay the weekly grocery shop too. This leaves her with more or less her full wage + money from ex for children. When ive said to take the money out of what I give her, she says that I eat a lot more than her and her kids and that its only 'fair'. She said she will save her wage for holidays for all of us so that I dont need to contribute when we go away. Is she taking the piss out of me or is this fair

OP posts:

putthetubeinthebin · 31/08/2021 17:18

@jones88

her kids are with their dad every weekend and she does get a fair bit of maintenance from him as its done privately. she doesn't get benefits not because of her income but because her and ex were very on and off and he used to come to her house quite a bit dropping kids to and from School, taking them after school activities etc so she said she was too scared to go on benefits as it could look like they are in a relationship. He had also carried on paying for internet etc

So she's entitled to benefits but doesn't claim them? I find that strange given that she's grabby toward you

putthetubeinthebin · 31/08/2021 17:19

I wonder if she has in fact been claiming benefits and when you move in she won't be able to anymore so she's needing you to make up the short fall...

Crimeismymiddlename · 31/08/2021 17:31

Your GF is a grifter. A good one too with you and her ex paying all the rent and bills, plus you covering the food soon and her ex paying child support she is quids in!
That is not to say you should not contribute a fair share, but I would say that is half the rent and bills and a third of the weekly shop.
You really need to sit down with her and create a fairer system, but she will probably not understand and threaten to throw you out!

Original poster

jones88 · 31/08/2021 17:37

I'm still with her because she made me believe that a lot of our issues were because we were living apart. When we were apart, she would always want to be on the phone etc and would constantly say that when we move in together, things will be better, she wants to spend more time with me etc.

As soon as I moved in, she doesn't give me the time of the day! she's always and I mean ALWAYS scrolling on her phone on sm. she then says she's had a busy day at work, just wants to unwind. I asked her to watch a movie and said 'do you think you can stay off your phone just for this movie' and she was like yeah (im not controlling but she will be on her phone not paying attention and then constantly ask what the story line is) no word of a lie, I put the movie on and she's too busy on her phone. I told her im going to bed and she can carry on scrolling, she then woke me up and said sorry lets watch the movie I won't go on my phone and then a min later she's on her phone! she said she's googling the main character but was too busy on Facebook!

I brought it up with her that since ive moved in she hasn't given me time which she so desparetly wanted off me when we were apart. she doesn't have anything to say for herself just says 'has anyone told you that you're really argumentative?' (im not argumentative)

OP posts:

Original poster

jones88 · 31/08/2021 17:41

she's definitely not claiming any benefits. she can't as her ex was paying bills for a very long time and had letters come to her house etc so she's definitely not claiming benefits. I think her plan all along was to not go on benefits but have a man move in with her and pay for everything.

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 31/08/2021 17:45

I think you should just get yourself another place set to move out too and then tell her it isnt working for you anymore and leave op. You could probably go on spareroom and find a cheap room to rent and spend all the money you would save oh her kids groceries on your own gadgets.

Sorry this person has turned out to be not very nice dude. Hope you find a good one someday!

SunshineCake · 31/08/2021 17:48

Oh God this is so juvenile. Just leave. No one needs to live their life in their phone if they are happy with their partner.

Wherearemymarbles · 31/08/2021 17:49

She’s a twat and you’re a mug.
You should NOT be paying for everything ffs and i cant see why you even would. She has the cuntish attitude thats whats yours is hers and whats hers is her own.

The only reason she has all this stuff is because she fleeced her ex.
Now its your turn.

Dump and run.

debwong · 31/08/2021 17:52

This is painful to read. Please stand up for yourself.

JackieChiles · 31/08/2021 17:54

@Palsy

If you're wondering whether your GF is 'taking the piss' - irrespective of the circumstances - then you probably shouldn't be moving in together.

Ding ding ding — correct answer. Nothing more to discuss really.

Disfordarkchocolate · 31/08/2021 17:55

She's being bloody cheeky. What she wants isn't fair. If your moving in together and this is what she wants you to do she's taking advantage of you.

whoisit12 · 31/08/2021 18:01

Jesus you can come and move in with me if you like!! In other words, yes she's absolutely taking the piss and provably sees you as a meal ticket

NowEvenBetter · 31/08/2021 18:05

This is your theirs thread about this woman, would you not rather enjoy your life?

NowEvenBetter · 31/08/2021 18:05

*third

putthetubeinthebin · 31/08/2021 18:10

Does she have sex with you? I'm only asking because she doesn't seem to like you very much and you're not getting much else out of the relationship

bamboocat · 31/08/2021 18:19

She sounds like an expert manipulator if you ask me.

SukonthaM · 31/08/2021 18:20

@jones88

That’s very much the conclusion that I came up with. She’s got a cushty deal with her ex throwing money at her, you’re her next meal ticket. Are you actually going to give her all of this money? It doesn’t matter how much her house is or what gadgets she has, you’re moving in as her partner, not her lodger. You shouldn’t be paying for use of her telly.

Armychefbethebest · 31/08/2021 18:25

Just read your post to my partner his exact words " shes having you over there pal ! "And I agree with him after reading your other posts DO NOT move in with this woman she will suck the life and all your money out of you she may be attractive but attractiveness runs deeper than what's on the outside , if this was a brother or sister telling you this about their "relationship "what would your gut instinct be ? What is it now ? If it's like this now picture it in a years time when you have no flat to go back to after a row and no money to get away , please break it off and break off the contact too men can be abused too and this sounds like it's already started!

Chloemol · 31/08/2021 18:27

At the most you pay 50/50, so she reduces her bills and that’s it, then you both have spending money/can save for holidays( but she pays for the kids don’t do 50/50)

Any more and she is taking advantage

thenewduchessofhastings · 31/08/2021 18:29

Hang on a minute to all of those saying she's taking the piss.

Firstly even if she's working full it doesn't necessarily mean she's earning a high wage especially if she's on minimum wage.

Secondly as single mum on a average/low wage then then additional benefits eg tax credits,child benefit,reduced council tax,possible housing benefit etc would have gone a long way to help financially and having a partner move in means she could have lost either a big chunk or all of those benefits.

putthetubeinthebin · 31/08/2021 18:44

@thenewduchessofhastings

Hang on a minute to all of those saying she's taking the piss.

Firstly even if she's working full it doesn't necessarily mean she's earning a high wage especially if she's on minimum wage.

PPs have asked to clarify that re benefits and he says she hasn't been claiming them.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 31/08/2021 18:49

She sounds like a dick.

You aren't genuinely happy with her.

Isn't life too short for this shit?

It didn't work out - end it, move on and focus on yourself.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 31/08/2021 18:52

Just seen your other threads. It sounds like you've been together less than a year, have already had lots of issues with comparisons to exes and arguments... and yet she wants you to move in with her and her children.

Pretty crap parenting decision from her. Less than a year is way too soon to move someone in with your kids in any situation - let alone if the relationship isn't fantastic!

This just all round seems like a bad idea.

Armychefbethebest · 31/08/2021 18:56

@thenewduchessofhastings she doesnt claim benefits and it seems the ex has also been paying her Bill's as well as decent maintenance for him having them 3/7 you cant deny shes a cheeky fxxxxr, me and partner moved in I have my kids 7/7 minimum maintenance hardly earning pop star wages we went 50 50 on everything and both benefitted from it. OP wake up !

Anordinarymum · 31/08/2021 19:01

So she has waited for you to move in and then changed the goalposts !
Get out of there as soon as.

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