Is my Gf being fair with finances?

[jones88]

ive recently moved in with my gf. She has two dc from a previous relationship. I will be contributing enough money to cover her bills and rent (we have already agreed to this, she would not have let me move in otherwise and hers is cheaper than when I was renting alone) but she now wants me to pay the weekly grocery shop too. This leaves her with more or less her full wage + money from ex for children. When ive said to take the money out of what I give her, she says that I eat a lot more than her and her kids and that its only 'fair'. She said she will save her wage for holidays for all of us so that I dont need to contribute when we go away. Is she taking the piss out of me or is this fair

You're thinking with your dick, Op.

@jones88

her kids are with their dad every weekend and she does get a fair bit of maintenance from him as its done privately. she doesn't get benefits not because of her income but because her and ex were very on and off and he used to come to her house quite a bit dropping kids to and from School, taking them after school activities etc so she said she was too scared to go on benefits as it could look like they are in a relationship. He had also carried on paying for internet etc

That's a rubbish excuse not to claim, would be easy to prove he lived elsewhere. Far more likely that he was coming over for an occasional shag. That would certainly complicate things for claiming benefits as a single parent.

You're supposed to still be in the 'honeymoon' phase ..... it could get much worse !

No - she needs to contribute fairly and no matter if you are better off or not she is taking the piss. You are not here to finance her life whether it benefits you or not.

Food bill for four people a month can be one of the biggest bills you have, it’s extortionate.

I would split the house bills down the middle, one of you contribute to food one of you for treats/trips out. If one earns significantly more then obviously compromise. You still need to look after yourself and have your own savings.

I would seriously consider if being with this woman is the right thing for you. Nobody should be taken for a mug like you currently are.

I've been living with my GF and my KS2 DD for a while now. DD lives with me at 60%.

We split rent 55/45. Council and utilities 50/50. Groceries isn't a science, but would say it's probably around 60/40. I pick up a few extras like Netflix etc.

I earn over double, but we split fixed costs almost down the line, because prior to moving in together, GF was paying 1000/m and I 1100/m rent plus associated other costs.

We moved in together because we wanted to. It came with an additional benefit of reduced overheads for both of us, almost equally.

You sir, as many other PP have stated, are being taken for a ride. You would be mad to keep this up.

She's played a blinder- 2 men paying for all of his costs so she can spend her wages on herself, gifts and other fun luxuries.

You are a fool for going along with this. Whatever happens, make sure you are responsible for contraception - she's a massive gold digger

Child maintenance is for the children's expenses like food. Even if the kids don't eat as much as a grown man, her ex contributes to that. In fact the CM helps her keep a place with extra bedrooms for the kids, bigger car etc

Have to eaten into all of your money or do you have a safety fund you can use to get out of this house?
I'm so saddened by your post where she sent you details of a shelter. That's horrible.

Please get out. She's a cunt

I dont have a safety fund unfortunately. She knows this hence bringing up the homeless shelter.

Get the fuck out jones58 she’s going to screw you all over. And it will not end prettily.

@Mum2jenny

Get the fuck out jones58 she’s going to screw you all over. And it will not end prettily.

this ...

mate by Christmas you're going to be penniless and homeless ..

Mintjulia
I've always done rent & bills straight down the middle, and man pays 60% grocery bill, woman pays 40% grocery bill.

However, she and her two dcs probably eat equal to what you eat, so in your case I'd just split everything 50:50.
Presumably your 60:40 split is based on salary or something, not just chromosomes?

Probably based on how much a man eats verses a woman?
All my ex's have eaten much much more than me and I'm a tee-total veggie and they weren't so their extras like meat/beer/wine really racked up our shopping bill

Your credit score can be improved if you are on bills ie electric or gas etc, at that address. Also the electoral roll. I take it you are on neither and you don’t have any proof you live there so if she decides one day she’s had enough she can call the police and throw you out? How do you prove you stay there? I’m not sure how that works. There is no equality in this situation. She just wants your money. No strings.

Clearly you think that she’s not that bad and that you can make things work. Although everyone on this thread is telling you she is using you and you are a mug.

She clearly doesn’t love you. Sorry. If you don’t know what love is there is a good description in the bible, 1 Corinthians 13 . (You don’t need to be religious to google it, or believe in some other stuff in there, it’s just really well put). It’s something like:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Your relationship is not like that. You don’t love each other. Yes she clearly feels hurt by men in the past and that’s no crime, however to take her frustration on them out ON YOU by taking you for every penny you have is wrong. Who sends someone details of a homeless shelter?!

Get some pride and get your own place. Move out. See if she wants to carry on a relationship if you don’t spend money on her, only your time. I think we all know the answer to that. She isn’t interest in you. At all. She just wants her phone and your money.

Sorry but she’s using you for a lifestyle she can’t afford alone. Does she charge you for sex? If not I’d suggest it’s only a matter of time.

I’m sorry to be harsh but it is what it is. You are the only one who thinks this is a viable relationship. The rest of us see it more clearly being removed from the situation.

Of course she is taking the utter piss out of you!

Just read your updates.

She's using you and/or she's just not that into you.

Break up with her and find someone who doesn't use you as a cash cow?

Do you really want to settle for someone who seems to have tricked you to move in with her so she can live expenses-free, and ignores you when you're together?

Doesn't sound like you even like each other much.