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Original poster

Is my Gf being fair with finances?

165 replies

jones88 · 31/08/2021 14:36

ive recently moved in with my gf. She has two dc from a previous relationship. I will be contributing enough money to cover her bills and rent (we have already agreed to this, she would not have let me move in otherwise and hers is cheaper than when I was renting alone) but she now wants me to pay the weekly grocery shop too. This leaves her with more or less her full wage + money from ex for children. When ive said to take the money out of what I give her, she says that I eat a lot more than her and her kids and that its only 'fair'. She said she will save her wage for holidays for all of us so that I dont need to contribute when we go away. Is she taking the piss out of me or is this fair

OP posts:
Poshishchap · 31/08/2021 19:03

You've had some really good advice on this thread. Look past the pretty face and PLEASE have a word with yourself.

Next you'll be posting that she wants another child to 'bring you closer together'

So many red flags

3 bits of advice for you:

  1. LTB
  2. Delete phone number
  3. Block phone and all socials
JustAnother0ldMan · 31/08/2021 19:03

@jones88

she's definitely not claiming any benefits. she can't as her ex was paying bills for a very long time and had letters come to her house etc so she's definitely not claiming benefits. I think her plan all along was to not go on benefits but have a man move in with her and pay for everything.
Oh Jeez mate, just move out again, sounds like an awful situation to be in
IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 31/08/2021 19:06

This is ridiculous.
Move back out.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 31/08/2021 19:10

This woman could not be a more blatant money-grabbing cheeky fucker unless she literally had a coin operated mechanism installed in her vagina.

She's been leeching off her ex for years - didn't she tell you he kept buying her designer handbags and shit if he wanted to see her? Now that he's shutting his wallet, she's staking out her new pay piggy. That would be you.

She might have a pretty face but she's a repulsive person. If you want something nice to look at, buy some art. Alternatively, hire a sex worker - it'll be a damn sight cheaper and they won't keep banging on about your ex 😂

jimmyjammy001 · 01/09/2021 00:23

As everyone else has said, she's playing you like a fool, why should she be saving loadsa of money now that you've moved in, you pay 50/50
If there's 2 of you, since she has children she should be paying more.for all bills.

It dosent matter if your saving money now, you pay based on what the rent and bills are for your new place, if you were paying more to live with her would she then ask you to pay less rent and she covers the rest, I doubt it very much.

As for saving petrol money to see her, it works both ways when she comes to see you, so she will be saving as well.

She's trying to justify overcharging you with pointless examples based on your previous lifestyle, you move in together you start from scratch end of

RAOK · 01/09/2021 00:44

You need to ask?! She sounds awful.

QueenBee52 · 01/09/2021 03:27

@jimmyjammy001

As everyone else has said, she's playing you like a fool, why should she be saving loadsa of money now that you've moved in, you pay 50/50 If there's 2 of you, since she has children she should be paying more.for all bills.

It dosent matter if your saving money now, you pay based on what the rent and bills are for your new place, if you were paying more to live with her would she then ask you to pay less rent and she covers the rest, I doubt it very much.

As for saving petrol money to see her, it works both ways when she comes to see you, so she will be saving as well.

She's trying to justify overcharging you with pointless examples based on your previous lifestyle, you move in together you start from scratch end of

Yip 🌸

LaudamusTe · 01/09/2021 03:54

She's taking you for a chump. Hopefully you didn't sign a year long lease. You're not obligated to feed another man's children. Some women just take and take, and it's never going to be enough, ever. Run for the hills.

Lanique · 01/09/2021 04:24

You don't seem prepared to listen to any of the advice you've been given on this forum so I'm not quite sure why you keep coming back here with your ongoing relationship issues.

Have some self respect and get out of there.---- Your muggins behaviour is only going to make her more and more contemptuous of you anyway.

Beware though - when if you do finally break up with her she'll probably find you irresistible and find a way of manipulating you back easily.

CutePanda · 01/09/2021 06:10

She is taking you for a mug. It sounds like you’re paying all her rent and bills and food shop… when she also gets money from her ex and has her full wage to spend on herself. She just wants you for a money. Dump her and find a small flat or house share.

RantyAunty · 01/09/2021 06:49

Do you earn the same amount as she does?

Lampan · 01/09/2021 07:11

You’re moving from a flat, to a modern house in a nice area and it’s going to be cheaper? I sincerely hope you’re not moving a long way to be with her.
Also if she is getting maintenance from her ex I don’t think you should be contributing anything for her kids.

AgentJohnson · 01/09/2021 07:43

You should have locked this down before you moved in. She wants you to bear the financial responsibility and while she retains control.

This is who she is, do you really want to invest time explaining to someone why they are taking the proverbial? You aren’t on the same page, get out now!

BeenAroundTheWorldAndIII · 01/09/2021 07:49

I'd be interested to know more about both of your finances before commuting to a solid answer of how much of a CFer she is actually being.
Although if she didn't claim any benefits prior to you moving in and hasn't acquired any new debt then surely she earns enough to cover the bills and rent?
It's also very interesting to hear she changed the agreement after you moved in!? Terrible! But you've obviously had doubts for a while but are too focused on her being the prettiest girl you've been with (physically surely!) and the effect it's having on your ego, all the while being trodden down and manipulated. But at least she looks good on your arm!!! Looks fade for us all. Obviously there needs to be physical attraction but you need more building blocks than a pretty face!

ALittleBitConfused1 · 01/09/2021 08:53

Well she's played a blinder hasn't she. Created a shed load of issues caused by you living apart then when you move in you get to pay for everything.

My guess is her ex was getting fed up of subsidising her lifestyle rather than just contributing to his children's upkeep and she was approaching the stage of needing a plan B.

If I was you I would be ending this situation, moving out and finishing the relationship.

However I sense you won't do that. So in the very least you need to tell her it's not fair, it's not how the finances will be split. You're happy to split the bills and groceries 50 50 (which is generous as the children aren't yours and their father is providing for them). Let's face it she can eject you at any point and you will have no rights Id be controlling the situation on my terms.

Oh and use condoms.

PumpkinPatch21 · 01/09/2021 09:05

She takes my money... when I'm in need... oh she's a gold digger... 🎶

She's using you.

Wherearemymarbles · 01/09/2021 11:27

So are you going to dump the twat OP?
She doesnt fancy you - she knew from the off you’d be a mug she could manipulate.

RedMarauder · 01/09/2021 11:33

@PumpkinPatch21

She takes my money... when I'm in need... oh she's a gold digger... 🎶

She's using you.

Dozycuntlaters · 01/09/2021 12:23

She has moved you in just to pay her rent and bills, you seriously need to move out and end this relationship. She will make you feel like she is doing you a favour by letting her live in her house with her three tv's but really, but she's not doing you a favour at all. Find your self esteem, realise your worth and kick her to the curb. She sounds awful.

WildfirePonie · 01/09/2021 13:06

Are you going to stay and be treated like a fool OP?

Newestname001 · 01/09/2021 13:21

@jones88

I think her plan all along was to not go on benefits but have a man move in with her and pay for everything.

At least you realise this now, OP. She's got you and her Ex by the wallet...

Time to make a sharp exit both from her premises and from this relationship. 🌹

holrosea · 01/09/2021 13:50

I am discussing moving in with my partner and he has a DS. We have discussed splitting rent and bills into 3/2 parts, based on the fiscal system where we live:

He & his DS represent 1.5 people, and I represent 1.0 people, so 5 parts of 0.5, or 3 parts him, 2 parts me.

We have discussed splitting food 50/50 and he will continue to pay for his car and associated costs, but I will chip in for petrol depending on whether or not it becomes our primary mode of transport.

Technically speaking, this split would be cheaper than me continuing to live alone, but under no circumstance would I pay his rent (who gets free rent?!). I am happy to treat his DS to things and go halves on things that include us three, but he has 2 parents who are responsible for housing, feeding, clothing and educating him. None of this should (or will) fall to me. You are being taken for a ride.

debwong · 01/09/2021 14:40

How many TVs can you watch at the same time?

GrandmaSteglitszch · 01/09/2021 14:43

OP, you're telling us what a horrible time you're having with this woman but we can't come and pack your bags for you.
You have to do that yourself.

If accommodation isn't expensive in her area, find somewhere else to live in that area.
Then you'll be paying your own rent and bills.

Redwinestillfine · 01/09/2021 14:46

Honestly move out. Rent somewhere close. Get her to come to you as much as you go to her ( on her child free days) so no arguments over who contributed more. Let her have the kids to herself so she's not using you as a child minder. You will pay more but she'll realise how much you did contribute. Then, if you still want to carry on with the relationship, renegotiate. I bet you'll get a better deal.

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