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Original poster

Is my Gf being fair with finances?

165 replies

jones88 · 31/08/2021 14:36

ive recently moved in with my gf. She has two dc from a previous relationship. I will be contributing enough money to cover her bills and rent (we have already agreed to this, she would not have let me move in otherwise and hers is cheaper than when I was renting alone) but she now wants me to pay the weekly grocery shop too. This leaves her with more or less her full wage + money from ex for children. When ive said to take the money out of what I give her, she says that I eat a lot more than her and her kids and that its only 'fair'. She said she will save her wage for holidays for all of us so that I dont need to contribute when we go away. Is she taking the piss out of me or is this fair

OP posts:
Pennineway2021 · 31/08/2021 16:11

Add up all your monthly expenses.
Rent / mortgage
Council tax
Water
Gas electric
Pet costs
Food - agree how often to shop too.
Household toiletries / cleaning products
Landline phone Tv Internet costs Broadband netflix etc
Insurances

Add up all above. For example let's say its 1000.
Be honest about your income and her income.
If you earn 1800 take home and she has 1200 take home it'll be 1800/3000 : 1200/3000 = 60:40
You pay 600 she pays 400.
Better to do this into a separate account and then everything left is your own and her own. You 1200. Her 800.

Consider male advantage in the workplace - is it fair she has 400 less?
I wouldn't share my maintenence into the income part as that's my childs money.
Split total 60 : 40

Poshishchap · 31/08/2021 16:11

I'd rather live in a shithole by myself than at the snow queens palace.

She is trying to bamboozle you with the gadgets.

I wonder which poor unsuspecting sap she rinsed before you into buying her those.

This 👆

putthetubeinthebin · 31/08/2021 16:13

So if she doesn't get benefits she must be earning at least 30k, plus maintenance (which may not be much if the kids are with dad 3 nights)

What do you earn OP? Is it a shit ton because I can't see why else this would be happening

muddyford · 31/08/2021 16:14

I can tell you now that the holidays will never materialise.

putthetubeinthebin · 31/08/2021 16:14

And they're with their dad all weekend every weekend? So no costs there either?

I sort of want to ask for her details so I can get some tips because she seems to have life sorted!

eew1988 · 31/08/2021 16:17

are you living with her now? I'd say hold off then call her bluff, ask her to contact her landlord (is she renting?) get your name put on the lease then draw up a legal agreement so if you split up what happens etc.

Raindancer411 · 31/08/2021 16:21

I am sorry but you shouldn't be paying anything towards the cost of feeding her kids or the water/electricity they use. That is to come out of the money from her ex.

She is taking you for a ride and and loving that she will be living rent free in "her" place. She is trying to make out she is doing you a favour, but it's the other way around.

Also when you go on holiday, I am betting her tube changes again and you won't be not paying anything towards that. She will throw back that "I paid for this holiday"

She doesn't sound a nice person.

TwinsandTrifle · 31/08/2021 16:23

I think what makes a difference, is, you're saving money by moving in with her.

Your rent and bills solely were (say) £2500. Hers are £2000 because it's a cheaper area. So you're actually benefiting £500 by moving in with her. And you're not paying her bills. You're paying your and her joint household bills. At £500 less than you were on your own.

You clearly don't see this as your house, even if you live there. That's why you talk as if you're doing her a big favour paying all "her" stuff. It's not. It's yours too.

Crikeyalmighty · 31/08/2021 16:25

Of course she lives in a nice area and has lots of gadgets- probably because some mug like yourself was funding it all. What your previous costs were are irrelevant- we are talking about funding for this household. I know a lady- she’s actually very nice on the surface and has 3 kids by 3 different fathers, she gets good money from all of them plus plenty of time on her own too and told someone I know that she’s much better off like this than long relationships with any bloke. Some people are simply very driven by cash , quite hard and will manipulate others to fit their agenda, even if it doesn’t initially seem like that’s the reason for a relationship

Original poster
jones88 · 31/08/2021 16:27

her kids are with their dad every weekend and she does get a fair bit of maintenance from him as its done privately. she doesn't get benefits not because of her income but because her and ex were very on and off and he used to come to her house quite a bit dropping kids to and from School, taking them after school activities etc so she said she was too scared to go on benefits as it could look like they are in a relationship. He had also carried on paying for internet etc

OP posts:
Window1 · 31/08/2021 16:31

She's a money grabber. Why isn't she willing to fairly split the bills if you are moving in together, regardless or what your bills were previously. That shouldn't have an impact on how you split the bills now. How is it fair that her and her children live rent free? You'll end up resenting her if you're not already. Come on even up the balance a bit.

eew1988 · 31/08/2021 16:31

@jones88 the ex is paying for bills too? move back out!

SunshineCake · 31/08/2021 16:33

No. She's not being fair. You'd be a fool to move in and pay for everything. She sounds like she thinks a lot of herself. Not attractive.

PrinnyPree · 31/08/2021 16:39

So what exactly is the ex giving her money for if you're paying for everything, is she just going to save that money?

What bills was she paying before you moved in? Why can't you pay 50/50? Why does only what your living expenses before you moved in with her count? You might be saving money but she'll be saving everything! why can't it be 50/50 and then you both save?

If she's in a cheaper area just rent a flat nearby, it'll be cheaper.

Why are you even agreeing to any of this?

Say you'll 50/50 everything including the holidays (I guarantee she won't pay for everything on holiday either if this is her entitled attitude)

FibroidFanny · 31/08/2021 16:45

@jones88

she doesn't get benefits so its not that. Her children are still young (under 7). I agreed to pay the rent and bills as its still cheaper than my 1 bed flat when I was living alone. So the way I saw it was that I was saving money. Plus I am no longer spending money on fuel to get to her etc. She says that even by me paying groceries ill still be saving money as when I was living alone I was living off takeouts (true). what she said made sense initially but now that I think of it, she is getting to save her entire wage and plus money from the ex.

she doesn't have debts

So she thinks that you should just keep paying for everything because you are paying less than before? Well how convenient that she seems to have forgotten that even if you split everything, she will also be paying less by you moving in 🤔

Complete grabby CF, expecting you to support her and her two kids

Ugzbugz · 31/08/2021 16:48

Good plan for her to save as much as possible then probably do a midnight flit in a year or 2.

Cas112 · 31/08/2021 16:49

Tell her you refuse. Either leave her to carry on doing her shopping for her and her kids and you will do your own (which would be a sad state of affairs really when your both adults living together)

Or tell her you will give her the difference for the extra now added onto the shopping if she is so bothered. You should not however be funding to feed her and someone else's kids when she has her own money

PrinnyPree · 31/08/2021 16:50

urgh just looked at your previous thread about this GF, so may red flags you could do the bunting for the upcoming Labour party conference.

cittigirl · 31/08/2021 16:52

Sorry but you need to LTB!

Mortgagestress · 31/08/2021 16:54

PrinnyPree - Grin

FibroidFanny · 31/08/2021 16:55

@TwinsandTrifle

I think what makes a difference, is, you're saving money by moving in with her.

Your rent and bills solely were (say) £2500. Hers are £2000 because it's a cheaper area. So you're actually benefiting £500 by moving in with her. And you're not paying her bills. You're paying your and her joint household bills. At £500 less than you were on your own.

You clearly don't see this as your house, even if you live there. That's why you talk as if you're doing her a big favour paying all "her" stuff. It's not. It's yours too.

OK so OP may be £500 a month better off, but why the hell should she be £2,000 a month better off? I could understand this argument if they both benefited by £1250 but as it is she is taking OP for a complete mug (particularly expecting OP to fully fund the kids, AND get maintenance from their dad)
Peanutsandchilli · 31/08/2021 16:55

Even if you split all bills half and half, she'd still be taking the piss. You shouldn't be paying for two kids that are not your responsibility. That's what she gets maintenance for. Don't be taken for a mug. She doesn't sound like someone you should be in a relationship with. Go and do better for yourself.

WindyWindsor · 31/08/2021 17:04

A previous reply here prompted me to check your post history.

In the kindest way, why are you still with her? Seriously

frerecoler · 31/08/2021 17:09

Erm... nope.

I would not move in with her. Or continue having a relationship with her.

She seems to have a lot of issues! (Looked at posting history)

TwinsandTrifle · 31/08/2021 17:18

OK so OP may be £500 a month better off, but why the hell should she be £2,000 a month better off?

Yes, you're quite right with this. They should both be benefitting. But you have to ask what the actual problem with her benefitting that much is. It's a good thing, surely?

I mean if someone said to me, I can save you £100 a month. And by doing that, they saved themselves £1000 should I be annoyed that they make a bigger saving. Because my alternative is to keep being £100 worse off. It's sort of cutting my nose of to spite my face. Why would I begrudge being better off each month just because someone else is to a greater degree?

I also don't get why it's so him and them? If they're in one household, surely it just means more for everyone?

I haven't read other threads, I don't agree with looking up posters to try and bash them with that. I'm just basing on this specific thread.