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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partner arguing with my daughter over food

203 replies

silverspider · 28/08/2021 15:19

I'm not sure why I'm posting on here, I think it's because I've had enough but just need to make sure I'm not over reacting.

My partner of 3 years has just had an argument with my daughter (she's 16) over her eating the one packet of melon in the fridge. He doesn't live here (stays a couple of nights a week) and doesn't contribute towards my shopping (I don't expect him too).

He accused her of being selfish as he fancied some of the melon. Im not being funny but he doesn't have any right to demand she leave some for him, surely? He's never 'horrible' to my daughter but his sense of entitlement around my house appears to be getting worse.

Minor problem I know, but someone please tell me he's taking the mick here?!

OP posts:

nottheBBCnews · 29/08/2021 10:24

He is a cheeky fucker. I would be furious

Doubledoorsontogarden · 29/08/2021 10:28

He seems to want to be the manager of the house, when it isn’t his house. Re the football, is it his team? If so get a fixtures list and don’t invite him over when his team are playing? If he mentions it say that you don’t want to watch the football so he can watch it as his or out etc.

Original poster

silverspider · 29/08/2021 10:34

@Doubledoorsontogarden Nope not even his team!

OP posts:

ChaToilLeam · 29/08/2021 10:34

He sounds like an absolute arse.

TheWeatherWitch · 29/08/2021 10:50

Omg @silverspider… is your bf’s name Darren?

I had this exact scenario with an ex, he moaned because we (my daughter and I) had ate all the muller corner yoghurts. I pointed out he’d only have reason to moan if I left food in my fridge to go off!

Moonwatcher1234 · 29/08/2021 10:53

Please put your child first and get rid of him. This sort of thing only gets worse and it isn’t worth blighting your daughters teenage years with this kind of behaviour.

lorca · 29/08/2021 10:57

My kids take a packet of them or pineapple to school with their lunch. Its convenient and saves waste in the fridge. - I don't buy it like that because of the waste - of plastic. Usually non-recyclable. But hey-ho

OP - my DP (we don't live together) comes over for dinner every day, but he pays me for housekeeping. Also buys stuff that he thinks I/my kids would like, or we've run out of. Basically, pulls his weight.

Has a tendency to walk in and say 'there's a good film on the ' - I don't like war films, so I say 'well, I'm watching or other such crap that we both sit and watch. No Remote grabbing here - and that's how it should be. If he'd walked in and just changed the channel, he'd be straight out again.

Ourlady · 29/08/2021 11:15

Who the hell does he think he is. Coming into your home, taking control of the remote and telling your daughter she can't eat something he hasn't even paid for. You're not setting a very good example to your daughter about how you should allow men to treat you!

Jesus, tell him to do one, fuck off and buy his own melon.

BluebirdHill · 29/08/2021 11:19

So the guy whinging about not being able to eat someone else's snack pack of melon has made you feel like YOU'RE over reacting? Priceless.

No he wouldn't watch something I wanted to if he didn't also want to.
Bad sign. He expects to pick the viewing at your house even if it's something you don't enjoy, but won't watch things he doesn't enjoy himself? Interesting that 'selfish' was the word he used. Projection!

What nice things does he do for you? Does he bring anything like treats for you and your daughter?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 29/08/2021 11:27

No he wouldn't watch something I wanted to if he didn't also want to.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who won't watch something you like for an hour if they're not particularly into it?

Raise your bar!

CBroads · 29/08/2021 11:33

So he comes into yours and your daughters home and dictates what food you can all eat even though he never contributes? Sorry but instances like these could be detrimental to your daughters mental health. She is your priority and she is in the right. He's a fully grown man having a paddy about some fucking melon. Tell him to put his big boy pants on and go to the shop for his own snacks.

Maassi · 29/08/2021 11:40

Stop being a doormat and dump this vile man. Being alone is far better!

AhNowTed · 29/08/2021 12:11

I have no doubt he turns up empty handed as well.

He's got a nice number going.. fed, watered, entertained, manspreading like he owns the place.

Clymene · 29/08/2021 12:25

He's telling you that he thinks what he wants should be prioritised. Not only by you, but by your daughter.

I'm guessing that's because he has a penis.

You said in your OP that you think you may have had enough. What more evidence do you need to draw a line under this relationship?

isthismylifenow · 29/08/2021 12:48

Have you made future plans for living together OP? Because it sounds to me like your house is his house in his mind.

I decided once I was divorced that no one else will ever live in our house while my DC are still living at home. I did to into another relationship but didn't live together, but he would come here for weekends due to it being a bit of a long distance relationship. It just confirmed why I felt so strongly about it after the divorce. There is no reason why a child should feel uncomfortable in their own home because of an outsider. It is their home and their place to feel safe, relaxed and completely at home in.

I think your dd eating it all in front of him is her trying to show assertiveness. Perhaps step back and look at it from her pov.

Eralos · 29/08/2021 13:46

No I wouldn’t be happy with him calling her selfish. Those labels stick and could make her feel shit.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 29/08/2021 14:08

@MrsRobbieHart

"You have your own house to have melon in if you want" really made me chuckle! 🤣

Cherrysoup · 29/08/2021 14:18

One would be that when he's at mine he seems to be having total control of the tv remote. He'll come over for the evening and put a football match on tv without checking that's ok and I'll be sat there like a lemon whilst it's on.

@silverspider Why would you allow this in YOUR home? Why would you allow him to speak to your poor dd like this? He doesn’t live there and doesn’t pay towards the stuff he consumes whilst there. Who put him in charge? Why are you tolerating this?

LannieDuck · 29/08/2021 16:25

If he's regularly staying at yours a couple of days a week, he needs to start contributing to the food bill and chores.

Seeleyboo · 29/08/2021 17:03

Why do so many women settle for men like this. Makes me feel sick reading it.

indecisivewoman81 · 29/08/2021 17:10

He is way out of line. Your poor daughter! Glad you stuck up for her.

Could be a red flag

pictish · 29/08/2021 17:12

I’m curious as to what his argument was. What could he possibly have used by way of disagreement?

Cimone · 29/08/2021 17:18

This is not a situation to argue about. Your house. Your child. Your money.

So you tell him that in the future if he wants to eat something in particular, he needs to bring it with him or give you the money to buy him some when you go shopping. Otherwise, he will take what he gets and he will shut up and like it. You can set up a small box or something in the fridge and all of his stuff will go in there so you and your daughter don't touch it. But he will have to either buy it himself or pay for it.

Secondly, you remind him that this is YOUR and YOUR CHILD'S house and that she can eat anything you buy. That he has not contributed one cent to anything under your roof and has no power to complain about anything. Tell him if he speaks to your daughter any kind of way that you deem critical again, that you two are through because you refuse to have your child talked to like that by someone who is supposed to be respectful of you both.

Tell him to take his pick. If he gets angry and storms out, let the relationship be over. Make sure you open the door and shout that to him so he understands. Him talking to your female child like that is a major offense and not to ever be tolerated. He is trying to teach her that some random man not even her stepfather, has the right to be treated better than she treats herself, with more consideration, to put herself and her desires last, and that HE runs things.

Bad messages for your daughter to learn. Be sure you reiterate to her that she is free in her own home and that she is important and her needs and desires are important as well to you.

upaladderagain · 29/08/2021 17:31

Buy a whole melon
Kick it up his arse on his way out of your front door
Hug your daughter and apologise for bringing this entitled wanker into her home
Buy another melon
Give it to your daughter

Original poster

silverspider · 29/08/2021 17:33

@pictish He didn't really have an argument as such, just that if she eats it all then no one else would get any if they wanted some!

@upaladderagain That did make me laugh!

OP posts:

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