Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner arguing with my daughter over food

203 replies

silverspider · 28/08/2021 15:19

I'm not sure why I'm posting on here, I think it's because I've had enough but just need to make sure I'm not over reacting.

My partner of 3 years has just had an argument with my daughter (she's 16) over her eating the one packet of melon in the fridge. He doesn't live here (stays a couple of nights a week) and doesn't contribute towards my shopping (I don't expect him too).

He accused her of being selfish as he fancied some of the melon. Im not being funny but he doesn't have any right to demand she leave some for him, surely? He's never 'horrible' to my daughter but his sense of entitlement around my house appears to be getting worse.

Minor problem I know, but someone please tell me he's taking the mick here?!

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMoonCup · 28/08/2021 15:56

She's 16. To him, that means she's nearly out of the way so he can get your home, your food, your money and your attention. If he pisses her off enough, he's hoping she'll leave home/move in with her father, grandparents or friends (because she's 16) and then you'll be lonely enough to let him in permanently.

He's essentially a cuckoo trying to hoy your DD out of the nest.

HairyMaryMyCanary · 28/08/2021 15:58

Partner? My arse! Tell him to fuck off out of your house and out of your life. Telling your daughter what she can and can eat in her own home? Get tae fuck.
Good for her, eating it in front of him. Get rid of him. He's appalling.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/08/2021 15:59

He's never 'horrible' to my daughter but his sense of entitlement around my house appears to be getting worse.

Why on gods name do you want to be with a man who has a creeping sense of entitlement in YOUR house where he doesn't live, doesn't pay bills and isn't the parent of your children ie is a guest.

He's behaving in an entitled way now despite not living there or contributing financially... how the fuck will be behave if he moves in and pays bills?!

Please stop showing your daughter that this is what a relationship looks like. I know you'll say you're not and that you made it clear he was wrong... but you're still with him. A man who you know (and she will know too, she's 16) has a sense of entitlement in your home. Her home.

Think about what that's teaching her about relationships.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 28/08/2021 16:03

Kick him out! Your poor daughter

Smileansrheworldsmileswithyou · 28/08/2021 16:03

Sort of had that but other way round. A guy I didn’t live with ate all my grapes when I wasn’t looking (which were for dd’s lunch boxes).
I was annoyed that he felt he could just help himself to anything, I’d never have dreamed of doing that. We did go on to live together for a while but it was a huge mistake and it didn’t last as I felt our values were totally opposite.

1forAll74 · 28/08/2021 16:04

What a petty and sad individual he is, and as you say, there might be more to come, with this kind of stupid behaviour.

Chloemol · 28/08/2021 16:07

Tell him to buy his own food at your sans give him a shelf to put it on so everyone knows

Or stop seeing him

Bollindger · 28/08/2021 16:08

Tell him that this is your DD home, she ask you to buy her food to eat, as that is your job.
If he wishes to bring some shopping with him if he likes something and leave it in the fridge then that is fine and you will tell DD not to use it.

Original poster
silverspider · 28/08/2021 16:08

@Goldbar I'm trying to think of other examples now but I'm struggling. One would be that when he's at mine he seems to be having total control of the tv remote. He'll come over for the evening and put a football match on tv without checking that's ok and I'll be sat there like a lemon whilst it's on.

OP posts:
CoasterCoaster · 28/08/2021 16:10

I'd be telling him, icily calmly, that the next time he tried to tell my daughter what she could eat in her own house would be the last time he ever set foot in it OP. Don't let him make you feel you've overreacted here, you haven't. He's tried to 'flex his muscles' and you've immediately (and quite rightly) stamped him down so now making you doubt your response is all he has left before he has to admit defeat. This is about boundaries and it sounds like you're going to have to defend yours, and DD's, quite hard if you want to stay with this man, this won't be the last time he pushes.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/08/2021 16:10

[quote silverspider]@Goldbar I'm trying to think of other examples now but I'm struggling. One would be that when he's at mine he seems to be having total control of the tv remote. He'll come over for the evening and put a football match on tv without checking that's ok and I'll be sat there like a lemon whilst it's on. [/quote]
You sitting like a lemon in your own home is rather insane, isn't it? Why are you being such a doormat for this freeloader? Your poor daughter.

Lweji · 28/08/2021 16:11

Any football match?

Why do you sit there and say nothing?

Alone must be better company.

Sampafie · 28/08/2021 16:13

[quote silverspider]@PurpleDaisies My daughter took the packet of melon out of the fridge and walked in to the living room. My partner saw that she had it and that's when he said something to her. She rolled her eyes at him, I told her she could have it, me and partner had an argument about it and then she sat down and ate it in front of him. [/quote]
Your daughter is a boss. Love it Grin

MadameMinimes · 28/08/2021 16:13

I think it’s time to cut him loose OP. He turns up to your home and treats it like he should have priority there when he is contributing nothing. No way should he be coming in, taking over control of the TV and getting huffy because your daughter eats what she wants from the fridge in her own home. I’d get rid.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 28/08/2021 16:13

He sounds like a full-on selfish cocklodging CF. Especially when you add in the TV thing.

PurpleDaisies · 28/08/2021 16:14

[quote silverspider]@Goldbar I'm trying to think of other examples now but I'm struggling. One would be that when he's at mine he seems to be having total control of the tv remote. He'll come over for the evening and put a football match on tv without checking that's ok and I'll be sat there like a lemon whilst it's on. [/quote]
I wouldn’t check with dh that he was happy for me to put something on the tv but he wouldn’t just sit there if he wasn’t happy.

Why are you ok with letting him do as he pleases?

PurpleDaisies · 28/08/2021 16:15

He must have a golden cock or something.

CoasterCoaster · 28/08/2021 16:15

And the remote control thing stops now, make sure it's tucked down the side of you when he arrives and switch it back to what you were watching if he does manage to get hold of it, you need to reassert that this is your house and he is a guest. I would be reassessing whether I wanted to stay with him in your shoes though, it's not an attractive trait he's revealing is it?

TheChip · 28/08/2021 16:15

What would happen if you took your remote, in your home, and switched the football off while he was busy watching it?

Goldbar · 28/08/2021 16:16

Men's mastery of the remote control pisses me off but I must say I know many men (DH and my DF included) who become agitated if it's in someone else's grasp. Watching my DH try to extract it politely from my father when he gets back from work and my parents are staying is one of my petty pleasures in life. I admire DFIL hugely because he has no interest in the remote control.

Does this man cook for you at all? Or bring food? Or invite you to his for a meal? Or take you out? If you're always the one cooking/organising (and paying!), that would be a red flag for me. It indicates a selfish expectation of being waited on which I would find unattractive in an adult.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/08/2021 16:16

[quote silverspider]@Goldbar I'm trying to think of other examples now but I'm struggling. One would be that when he's at mine he seems to be having total control of the tv remote. He'll come over for the evening and put a football match on tv without checking that's ok and I'll be sat there like a lemon whilst it's on. [/quote]
You sound passive to the point it's uncomfortable to read! Sat like a lemon on your own sofa, in your own home, while your boyfriend who doesn't live with you watches something you don't want to without even considering you...

He sounds like a right prick.

Standrewsschool · 28/08/2021 16:18

@CaMePlaitPas

Always side with your kids. I'd drive him to Tesco, give him a fiver to go get some melon and drive off. Fucking dickhead.
That made me smile!
Lweji · 28/08/2021 16:19

Do you go to his house? What happens there?
Do you switch on the TV to whatever you like without consulting him?

TwilightSkies · 28/08/2021 16:19

He’s making you uncomfortable in your own home. Are you sure you are happy in this relationship? Does it benefit you, and not just him?

Bluntness100 · 28/08/2021 16:19

Honestly what a dick head, well done you both, her for eating it and bit being scared and you for telling him to do one. No way I’d put up with that shit. Wtf is wrong with him.