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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner arguing with my daughter over food

203 replies

silverspider · 28/08/2021 15:19

I'm not sure why I'm posting on here, I think it's because I've had enough but just need to make sure I'm not over reacting.

My partner of 3 years has just had an argument with my daughter (she's 16) over her eating the one packet of melon in the fridge. He doesn't live here (stays a couple of nights a week) and doesn't contribute towards my shopping (I don't expect him too).

He accused her of being selfish as he fancied some of the melon. Im not being funny but he doesn't have any right to demand she leave some for him, surely? He's never 'horrible' to my daughter but his sense of entitlement around my house appears to be getting worse.

Minor problem I know, but someone please tell me he's taking the mick here?!

OP posts:
MrsRobbieHart · 28/08/2021 15:31

he has no right to shout at your DD for eating food in her own home!!

He has no right to shout at all. That’s not how you speak to people.

GoodnightGrandma · 28/08/2021 15:31

I’d be getting rid too.
Listen to your gut feeling.

Original poster
silverspider · 28/08/2021 15:32

For those of you wondering, I told my daughter she could have the melon and she sat right in front of him and ate it all Smile

OP posts:
Laserbird16 · 28/08/2021 15:32

He can buy himself some melon on his way home CF.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 28/08/2021 15:33

He doesn't live here (stays a couple of nights a week) and doesn't contribute towards my shopping (I don't expect him too).

So he gets free dinners twice a week and never puts his hand in his pocket? Or does he order and pay for takeaways those nights to offset his use of your bed and utilities?

At any rate I'd tell him to get to fuck. And don't let him give you any crap such as "I was just telling her because she needs to know that if you have guests, they come first"

BeenThruMoreThanALilBit · 28/08/2021 15:33

He told your daughter that she couldn’t eat food her mum had bought for her? In her own home?? Holy shit.

You really need to give him a ride awakening about his level of entitlement in your daughter’s home. Who the fuck does he think he is??!

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 28/08/2021 15:35

@MrsRobbieHart

he has no right to shout at your DD for eating food in her own home!!

He has no right to shout at all. That’s not how you speak to people.

OP did not say he shouted.
Aquamarine1029 · 28/08/2021 15:35

@silverspider

For those of you wondering, I told my daughter she could have the melon and she sat right in front of him and ate it all Smile
But you still allowed him to stay, what a terrible message that sends to your daughter. I would have tossed him out on his ear. The absolute gall of this man is unbelievable. He thinks he is entitled to call the shots in your home and with your child.
Jumpingintosummer · 28/08/2021 15:37

This is not a man you want to grow old with. My children love eating ‘grandads chocolate’ when they visit, it’s a standing joke.

Your DD should be comfortable in her own home.

helentomelon · 28/08/2021 15:37

You should have a strike system for this kind of behaviour. You said his atttude is getting worse... how many times has he committed the offence?

If this is 3rd+ strike then he's out.

MrsRobbieHart · 28/08/2021 15:37

OP did not say he shouted

I was responding to a PP

frazzledasarock · 28/08/2021 15:38

God dump him.

When I got together with DP(now DH), I loved that he’d bring food but always always come laden with my older DC’s favourites, I’ve not seen him touch Nutella but he’d buy jars and Jaffa cakes which he’s admitted he’s not terribly fond of but DD2 is, so to make her happy he’d buy packs for her.

And that was before we got married/moved in together now we’re married he does most of the shopping and is very mindful of shopping for everyone. I’ve never seen him ever get upset if one of the kids eat the last of anything he’d have loved to eat, even if he’s saving it for himself if he realises someone else wants it he’ll tell them to take it.

Dump your boyfriend. He sounds like a freeloading scrounger who has all the hallmarks of becoming abusive.

SoundAndVisions · 28/08/2021 15:38

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation yes you’re right, I saw ‘argument’ and assumed that meant shouting and raised voices but it might not have.

MrsRobbieHart · 28/08/2021 15:39

OP I’d send him packing but also- something about you has given him the impression he would get away with that behaviour. You need to work on that before you allow anymore men into your daughter’s home.

PurpleDaisies · 28/08/2021 15:40

@silverspider

For those of you wondering, I told my daughter she could have the melon and she sat right in front of him and ate it all Smile
So he didn’t ask for any while she was eating it but waited until she was done so he could have a go at her?
Original poster
silverspider · 28/08/2021 15:41

@PurpleDaisies No she ate it after he said something to her.

He didn't shout (a few people think he did).

OP posts:
IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 28/08/2021 15:41

You are underreacting if anything.

Your daughter can eat what the hell she wants in her home! He's the visitor. Who comes empty handed. Who the fuck does he think he is?
You need to squash this.

Lweji · 28/08/2021 15:42

Same as frazzledasarock.

My current DP often brought things DS liked.
DS once ate something DP had bought for himself, as it's similar to something he also likes, and DP wasn't bothered at all.

That's the kind of man you want.

PurpleDaisies · 28/08/2021 15:43

[quote silverspider]@PurpleDaisies No she ate it after he said something to her.

He didn't shout (a few people think he did). [/quote]
I’m really confused.

Can you lay out what order things happened in?

Indigomint · 28/08/2021 15:47

Also , op , is it not utterly tedious when people get wound up/territorial about snacks? If it's not for a lunch or dinner it can probably be easily or cheaply replaced. Even if your bf had paid for half of the contents of the fridge I'd still find his comment unbearable tbh.

Original poster
silverspider · 28/08/2021 15:48

@PurpleDaisies My daughter took the packet of melon out of the fridge and walked in to the living room. My partner saw that she had it and that's when he said something to her. She rolled her eyes at him, I told her she could have it, me and partner had an argument about it and then she sat down and ate it in front of him.

OP posts:
thebeatingofthedrums · 28/08/2021 15:48

@silverspider

I'm not sure why I'm posting on here, I think it's because I've had enough but just need to make sure I'm not over reacting.

My partner of 3 years has just had an argument with my daughter (she's 16) over her eating the one packet of melon in the fridge. He doesn't live here (stays a couple of nights a week) and doesn't contribute towards my shopping (I don't expect him too).

He accused her of being selfish as he fancied some of the melon. Im not being funny but he doesn't have any right to demand she leave some for him, surely? He's never 'horrible' to my daughter but his sense of entitlement around my house appears to be getting worse.

Minor problem I know, but someone please tell me he's taking the mick here?!

He doesn't live there, he doesn't contribute to bills - he's a guest.

Guests don't get to make demands.

Someone's the selfish one in this story. Spoiler alert: it's not DD or the OP...

PurpleDaisies · 28/08/2021 15:51

[quote silverspider]@PurpleDaisies My daughter took the packet of melon out of the fridge and walked in to the living room. My partner saw that she had it and that's when he said something to her. She rolled her eyes at him, I told her she could have it, me and partner had an argument about it and then she sat down and ate it in front of him. [/quote]
So he didn’t even ask nicely if he could have a small piece? He just started asking her selfish?

He sounds horrible.

Goldbar · 28/08/2021 15:52

Getting upset about a child eating food in their own home is crazy. No wonder your DD rolled her eyes at him. Does he have form for this kind of behaviour?

CaMePlaitPas · 28/08/2021 15:54

Always side with your kids. I'd drive him to Tesco, give him a fiver to go get some melon and drive off. Fucking dickhead.