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Original poster

Partner arguing with my daughter over food

203 replies

silverspider · 28/08/2021 15:19

I'm not sure why I'm posting on here, I think it's because I've had enough but just need to make sure I'm not over reacting.

My partner of 3 years has just had an argument with my daughter (she's 16) over her eating the one packet of melon in the fridge. He doesn't live here (stays a couple of nights a week) and doesn't contribute towards my shopping (I don't expect him too).

He accused her of being selfish as he fancied some of the melon. Im not being funny but he doesn't have any right to demand she leave some for him, surely? He's never 'horrible' to my daughter but his sense of entitlement around my house appears to be getting worse.

Minor problem I know, but someone please tell me he's taking the mick here?!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 28/08/2021 23:52

@Notaroadrunner

Shove the remote up his arse as you kick him out the door. The cost of a new one will be nothing compared to the cost of staying with this sponging fucker.
😀😀😀
Sakurami · 28/08/2021 23:57

I buy lots of fruit and unless I specifically ask the kids not to eat it all, they help themselves to whatever.

I often being food to my boyfriend's house and vice versa and we don't care if our kids eat what we bring. We just buy more! Unless we need something specifically for a recipe, in which case we make sure they know.

Do you spend time at his and eat his food and watch the TV you like?

Newmum29 · 28/08/2021 23:59

Sounds a bit weird to me. That football example is pretty harmless unless you’ve actually said you don’t want to watch it. Does he ever watch things you want to and he doesn’t?

My partner watches 3-8 rugby matches a week and it really doesn’t bother me because he’ll also sit through lots of shows I want and he’s not particularly interested in.

The melon thing is also odd, if your daughter got out the melon and he asked if she could save him some and you said no eat it all and she did then of course he was annoyed. Not convinced she couldn’t share some with him.

To be honest you sound incredibly territorial.

WaterIsBest · 29/08/2021 00:07

Your daughter needs you to see you taking her side when she is right

It was her melon!

I would step away from this ‘man’
See him less / or at his

Consider finishing this relationship

custardbear · 29/08/2021 00:13

Does he ever bring and share anything in your house? If not I'd say perhaps she could offer him a cube out of courtesy but he's got no right or reason to grumble

sadie9 · 29/08/2021 01:45

"One would be that when he's at mine he seems to be having total control of the tv remote. He'll come over for the evening and put a football match on tv without checking that's ok and I'll be sat there like a lemon whilst it's on"
OK. So you sit there passively and allow him to do that. You are allowing it...
Why? You are going into 'freeze' mode. Is it because men have to be pandered to, their TV choices are better or more important than yours?
Did you see your Dad do that to your Mum? Look at the dynamic, you give your power away. Be careful you are not making your daughter do the dirty work of standing up to him that you are afraid to do.
Its your TV remote, your TV, your house. Why is he even in your house, are you that desperate for a man?

Susannahmoody · 29/08/2021 01:48

He told your daughter that she couldn’t eat food her mum had bought for her? In her own home?? Holy shit.

^^

This.

BittaOrange · 29/08/2021 02:00

@ElspethFlashman

Your poor daughter. I actually hope she told him to fuck off.

Somebody needs to.

This and it should be you OP
Caramellatteplease · 29/08/2021 02:10

Hmmm, I would be a bit annoyed if someone took a pack of something and sat and ate it all without offering some to others.

I'm glad someone else said it. I'd find it really bad manners. Nothing to do with who pays or doesn't pay the bills

Watching the football when I was sat like a lemon however.... but then I dont like football and would have changed the channel.

If hes not bringing you joy you dont actually need a reason to get rid of him though

NiceGerbil · 29/08/2021 02:15

You need to nip this in the bud.

It's you and DD home. Yes of course he comes round a lot and that's lovely but it's not his home.

He does not get to tell anyone off about food. Esp not DD. You bought her melon because she likes melon. What is he playing at? Browsing the fridge and thinking mmm I'll have that later. And getting pissed off when the person it was bought for eats it. Nope.

If he wants snacks he can bring some and he can offer them around if that's his thing.

Taking over the telly? Nope.

It's just this sort of. Casual entitlement. Feet under the table type thing.

Don't sit there like a lemon while he watches his stuff. It's your house.

TheSandgroper · 29/08/2021 03:30

So, if you got rid of him, how would your food bill look each week? How much is he expecting you to feed him, melon aside?

BeachDrifting · 29/08/2021 06:41

He’s trying to get his feet under the table. Typical male behaviour. Becoming complacent and showing contempt. Coming over and sticking on a football match? In your house? Why would you not just pick up the remote and turn it off saying “we don’t watch football in this house. You’ll have to go home if you want to watch it” he’s taking the piss and you’re letting him.

Original poster
silverspider · 29/08/2021 07:07

A few people have made comments about why didn't my daughter share - the melon wasn't whole, it was one of those small fruit packet things that literally had about 10 small chunks of melon in it. I also bought it specifically for her.

@Newmum29 No he wouldn't watch something I wanted to if he didn't also want to. I'm a little lost as to how I'm coming across as territorial though.

OP posts:
Newestname001 · 29/08/2021 07:14

Becoming complacent and showing contempt.
Yes to this ^

This man has mentally moved in and claimed his place in your home and life to the point where, totally wrongly, he feels he can dictate how your daughter behaves in her own home.

Perhaps it's time for you to stand back and take a break from this unequal relationship whilst you take stock on what positives you, and your daughter, are getting from it. 🌹

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 29/08/2021 07:22

Of course he hasn't got a right to demand it! You bought it. Why does he think he's entitled to it over your daughter?

messybun101 · 29/08/2021 07:30

So you should be territorial, it's your house!
The difference being with pp's post is he probably lives with her partner. You and your daughter do not.
It's fine to not be ok with the way people treat you and your child in your own home.

I really like the suggestion of dropping him at Tesco for melon and driving off. Really really like it.

Original poster
silverspider · 29/08/2021 07:43

@Newestname001 That's exactly what I'm going to do, take a step back and decide what to do. I think the melon incident was just one incident too far for me!

OP posts:
Teamfemale · 29/08/2021 07:47

OP you know he is controlling. Your at the point now where you are having to defend your dd eating food that was specifically bought for her.

Regarding the sharing - What has he ever bought to the house that he has shared with her? Do he bring take aways for you all? Does he bring fruit that he shares with her? Chocolates?

If he has literally never shared anything with her then I wouldn't loose any sleep about her not sharing with him one of the little pieces of fruit she had.

The TV remote thing shows a complete lack of respect and entitlement.

For me this would be probably end as I wouldn't be prepared to stay with a man who argued with my 16 year old dd and tried to make her feel bad about eating a pack of fruit that was actually bought for her.

I bet he was seething when she ate it Grin

Starseeking · 29/08/2021 07:54

It sounds like your relationship has run its course; he feels entitled to things in your house and give orders your DD, and you're ok to argue in front of your DD, then hand her the win (even though she was in the right).

There's no taking stock needed here, you'd be better off just dumping him.

HollowTalk · 29/08/2021 08:02

The tv thing would be enough for me but melongate would be too. Who the hell does he think he is?

bigbaggyeyes · 29/08/2021 08:09

I don't think you're being territorial at all op. It's your, and your daughters house, your and your daughters food, and your dp, although a regular one, is still a visitor here. He contributed nothing towards the 'melon' and he had no right to pick her up on eating it. Even if she was being greedy (which she wasn't) if he had issues. He should have spoken to you.

felulageller · 29/08/2021 08:13

He's a fecking aresehole, dump him!

That sense of entitlement doesn't come from nowhere, which makes me wonder what else he's done.

Your DD should absolutely not have to be putting up with this c* in her home.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 29/08/2021 08:21

I literally cannot imagine what I would do if my boyfriend told my DS not to eat something in my house, that I had bought, specifically for my DS. I'd think he was having some kind of medical episode as it would be such an insanely weird thing to do. If any man attempted that in my house it would be the last time he was in it. Genuinely.

billy1966 · 29/08/2021 08:25

@Newestname001

Becoming complacent and showing contempt. Yes to this ^

This man has mentally moved in and claimed his place in your home and life to the point where, totally wrongly, he feels he can dictate how your daughter behaves in her own home.

Perhaps it's time for you to stand back and take a break from this unequal relationship whilst you take stock on what positives you, and your daughter, are getting from it. 🌹

Good advice.

This is NOT a man you want around your daughter or home.

He sounds like a selfish prick.

How dare he turn football on in YOUR home without asking.

I feel for your daughter having this twat in her home.

SandraOhh · 29/08/2021 08:45

There shouldn't be any deciding what to do. He should be out never to return. Your daughter is watching you and will judge you on this.