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Original poster

Child conference and pre proceedings

348 replies

Mumtobe2021x · 25/08/2021 21:43

So my unborn baby who is due any day now I’ve been told is being placed on a child protection plan as the social believe she is at risk of harm due to me being involved in “domestic violence with the father” anyway I’ve moved back in with my dad and the social worker me and her dad have so far signed a contact arrangement plan or the father to have supervised contact with the baby at my address without me being in the room. I’ve also been told we’re having an initial child protection conference meeting and a pre proceedings meeting where both me and babies dad will have a solicitor with us provided by social services. I’m just wondering if anyone’s got any experience with this. They haven’t really explained much about these meetings and what could happen I’ve asked her but she doesn’t really explain a lot so can’t someone explain what I can expect ? Does it mean they’re considering taking the baby away or is it a plan to keep her in with me but in a safe way? I just want to know the possible outcomes as I feel like I’m getting a lot of mixed messages

OP posts:
Pebbledashery · 26/08/2021 20:49

You just love the drama of these multiple threads you're posting. Your previous thread got remove, now you are just posting the same rubbish over and over.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 26/08/2021 20:50

OP Read your posts... You are literally listing the reasons where you have failed your unborn
It is not about you or babies Dad
SS are safeguarding your baby
You're expecting a baby imminently
Wake up

nimbuscloud · 26/08/2021 20:50

He broke down the door of your house

Original poster
Mumtobe2021x · 26/08/2021 20:50

@OurChristmasMiracle

The very real reality is the major concern here is that you cannot see that your ex’s actions could have already endangered your child, you are in complete denial about the abuse as if it is normal and as a result are statistically more likely to end up in another abusive relationship and therefore expose your child to emotional and potentially physical harm as well as yourself.

You don’t need to allow him to have any contact and actually you should have insisted that due to the abuse you are not prepared to facilitate contact at your home address and that it must be done at a contact centre, you could easily have said that you are happy to wait in a separate room and if baby needs you then the contact worker can bring them to you, instead you are going out of your way to allow him contact when he hasn’t proven himself to be making any changes. You speak of him maybe doing anger management courses etc but honestly that is not your problem.

What actions are you actually taking? And the fact they have not only placed your child on a child protection plan they are also doing a pre proceeding meeting which suggest they plan to enter care proceedings in the very close future

I can see his actions are wrong and u am no way saying they’re right but his actions are to get at ME. Not his child hence why I’m not with him anymore but he is not going to harm his baby at all. I know the shouting ect while pregnant is not good for the unborn baby either which is why I’ve took myself out of the situation and moved in my dads
OP posts:
Flowers500 · 26/08/2021 20:51

I can’t believe you’d literally rather feel like you’re winning an argument than have a relationship with your own child. You’re being selfish and childish, at least there is someone else here who will put the child first…

Imnewhere1991 · 26/08/2021 20:51

But Op you told services about the incident?

Are you playing everyone off against eachother?

wewereliars · 26/08/2021 20:54

The point you are missing OP is that men who behave as your ex has done TO YOU are at a high risk of harming a vulnerable child. Because most men DO NOT push pregnant women around , or all the other things he has done.

He is a violent abuser, and you are putting a helpless baby in his path.

Pebbledashery · 26/08/2021 20:54

You're a child having a child. You aren't ready to grow up yet.

Imnewhere1991 · 26/08/2021 20:54

You didn't answer to whether you have a learning difficulty or mental health issues?

MondayYogurt · 26/08/2021 20:55

I'm still interested in why he was full time carer to his newborn nephew.

Imnewhere1991 · 26/08/2021 20:56

You've either got mental health issues, a learning difficulty or you are quite simply enjoying the attention and sympathy by playing everyone off against eachother while looking the injured party?

Don't agree?

Do explain because we are all wasting our time here.

OurChristmasMiracle · 26/08/2021 21:02

Oh so it’s okay that the baby suffers as a result. The baby grows up seeing abuse so long as it’s not directed at them? You are still minimising his behaviour. “It’s only when he’s had a drink”. “It’s only towards me” “he pulled me out the way. He didn’t push me”

All of it is excusing what he did! Wake up! He’s abused you and is continuing to do so. Are you still in contact with him? Do you really think that his mum and your dad can provide an unbiased opinion in relation to contact? Do you really think SS are going to believe that if there is any sign of abuse that the unborn ss grandparents will report that knowing the child will be taken away?

You still haven’t answered what YOU have done to PROTECT your child off your own back. Have you accessed the freedom programme to get a better understanding and knowledge of abuse (and no alcohol is not the reason abusers are abusive!) have you asked for counselling. Are you engaging with local children’s centres? Have you asked for a parenting course?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/08/2021 21:03
  • broke down the door of your house
  • smashed your phone up so you couldn't use it even in an emergency

Were neither of those putting your unborn baby in harms way? No?

MsJinks · 26/08/2021 21:13

It does not matter if all the gods in the sky say that mr ex would never hurt his child and is the perfect example of fatherhood. The social have told you he’s deemed a risk - just say they’re inventing it to be mean if you like as you clearly know better - but what does matter to the social worker (and later the family court judge) is that you accept it when you’re told there is a risk - in reality anyone can be and the social need to know you understand what ‘possible’ risk might look like and that you take steps to remove it from your life - rather than invite it in. You might think we are all unfair and don’t understand- point is doesn’t matter how amazing st. Ex is - social have told you he’s a risk and that is your set in stone reality from now on - unless he could prove it was all invented lies - and even until he did - you HAVE to accept that he is a risk and behave accordingly.

TolkiensFallow · 26/08/2021 21:14

This situation is extremely serious. Others have told you the difference between a conference and PLO. It is not usual to do both at the same time unless the concerns are extremely serious.

You are going to be told a lot about what is expected of you if you want to keep your baby. They won’t remove it at that meeting but if you don’t do exactly as you are told then they will further down the line. If you’ve got a different opinion to the professionals it will cause you big problems. Don’t think you know better. It won’t help.

WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 26/08/2021 21:14

It’s a pre proceeding meeting not a PLO

They are different names for the same thing, OP. You need to get yourself a solicitor, independently of the Local Authority and do exactly as they say.
Otherwise you are going to lose your child.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 26/08/2021 21:16

So you've so far basically told us:

-He didn't push me he pulled me
-He's only aggressive when he's drunk
-He smashed my phone up and broke my door down but he's never 'intentionally' harmed me
-He's not a bully, you don't know him

You have no idea how badly you're coming across. I hope they keep your baby safe because you are not currently able to do so.

WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 26/08/2021 21:16

It doesn’t matter whether you think he’s a risk, children’s services DO think he’s a risk and therefore you need to behave as though he is if you want to keep your baby, no matter what you believe. You have to accept their concerns. Nobody is going to listen to you.

Sorry to be blunt, but even if you think they are talking utter crap, don’t fight it.

evianlion · 26/08/2021 21:17

It's fine, because this baby is clearly going to be removed and protected so no need for posters to get upset.

Nothing else to be said.

PwySyddYma · 26/08/2021 21:17

I think we all know how this is going to end up.

OP you just do you, believe what you want, that's fine.

Professionals will make safety decisions about baby regardless of your beliefs.

Bigassbeebuzzbuzz · 26/08/2021 21:21

OP why are you so desperate for this man who has abused you to see a tiny innocent new born baby?
Are you scared to be a single parent?

Pebbledashery · 26/08/2021 21:21

The decision will be out your hands if you entertain him..
You remember what I posted up thread reading how fast children's services can apply for an emergency protection order. Don't trust what the social worker has said with regards to promising you that your baby won't be taken away.. If they detect the slightest risk they will do what is necessary.

SpaceBethSmith · 26/08/2021 21:27

You ended up on the floor when he “pulled” or pushed you, whichever one it fucking was.

I’m calling bullshit.

wewereliars · 26/08/2021 21:27

Yes OP up to and including getting a Judge up in the middle of the night.

Witchesbelazy · 26/08/2021 21:28

You keep saying if he did do anything you would stop contact, you’re not understanding that it’s your job as a parent is to not give him the opportunity to do anything