Dating Thread 211 - heading into to Autumn fueled by possibilities

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Hi all, can I join? I meant to take a long break but accidentally got back on the horse a few weeks ago…

why join a dating app when you won't meet?

@BelladiMamma if I could answer that I would. It is utterly ludicrous.

Heading out on my date zero with Mr Irish, wish me luck 🤞🏼

@dancemom good luck!

@Simpleisntit

Hi all, can I join? I meant to take a long break but accidentally got back on the horse a few weeks ago…

There has to be a story in 'accidentally' getting back on the horse. We're here for it!

@BelladiMamma I think his messsges about you not liking him and now this one show someone with low self esteem, its a shame he doesn't know that Date 0's are for exactly this scenario.

If you were friends you might suggest he get help to deal with this....but lets not become a Florence (Nightingale).

Well Mr Cricket has updated his WhatsApp profile picture again, this time he's in his uniform in a hotel room. At least I can safely say he wasn't lying about flying this week or that he was a pilot and who he works for. I still prefer his last picture though 🙈.

Right time to start getting ready to go out out for the first time since October.

OK ladies, help me out with some etiquette here as a completely hopeless man. All my dating was 20 years ago...so this is new to me.

First meet - what is the deal with a greeting? Shake hands? Kiss on the cheek? Nudge elbows!?? Stand awkwardly and say 'hi'...?

Take a nice little gift of some kind?? Maybe flowers or something...?

FWIW, my ideal type of lady would want first date as a walk in the forest / bike ride / walk up a mountain / canoe and coffee....

Which means I am likely to be in 'practical' clothes, rather than aimed at looking really smart or nice.

And finally, if things don't (or do!) go so well, do you say something face to face or leave it for a text, as many on this thread seem to interact through.

Right, time to come up with some profile pics and words....

@BelladiMamma i never thought of it like that, that something could be missing now? my heads all over the show after so much flakiness and months of being strong and not caving to him i feel like almost back to square one again!
Yay to alll the positive dates happening, patience is really really hard isn’t it. And hugs to all those feeling low… never to soon to break out the prosecco and get some 90’s techno on the boom-box?
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards so pleased you’ve a date lined up! 😍

@outdooryone

OK ladies, help me out with some etiquette here as a completely hopeless man. All my dating was 20 years ago...so this is new to me.

First meet - what is the deal with a greeting? Shake hands? Kiss on the cheek? Nudge elbows!?? Stand awkwardly and say 'hi'...?

Take a nice little gift of some kind?? Maybe flowers or something...?

FWIW, my ideal type of lady would want first date as a walk in the forest / bike ride / walk up a mountain / canoe and coffee....

Which means I am likely to be in 'practical' clothes, rather than aimed at looking really smart or nice.

And finally, if things don't (or do!) go so well, do you say something face to face or leave it for a text, as many on this thread seem to interact through.

Right, time to come up with some profile pics and words....

@outdooryone my most recent 3 first dates (or date zeros) has been more the stand awkwardly and then move to wherever we are heading to - no hugs or touching😊

I personally wouldn’t like a gift - I think I wouldn’t know what to do with it. Plus if you are proceeding to an activity type date what would she do with the flowers etc?
As for follow up, usually if I like someone (and them me) I will agree that we will see each other again and make a plan to discuss. I’ve had one person say they wanted to see me again but to let them know, I’ve had a date end with no discussion where I didn’t want to see them and was glad to be able to have the awkward conversation by text after! I think you can often read that part by how the date is going.
Definitely put words on your bio and good lick with it :)

Or luck even

@outdooryone Don't take gifts !

If you're doing outdoorsy stuff take snacks. Everyone loves a bloke that can pull a banana out of nowhere, right ? Ok, maybe not, but just be thoughtful.

Ask them how they prefer to be greeted. No one way, and also go with how you normally do things otherwise it's definitely going to be stiff and awkward.

On clothing, if you're both onboard with the activity, you're going to both be dressing down, so wouldn't worry.

Good luck !

@outdooryone welcome.
Everyone's preferences are different especially with covid still being around about what to do when meeting in person for the first time.
I wouldn't take a gift or flowers for a first date. Comes across as too try hand and could be seen as the first stages of love bombing.
The first meet is really just to assess if the person looks like their pictures and you get on well enough to see them again and find out more about them.

For the shorts of dates you can go for a casual look but that doesn't you can't make the effort of making sure clothes aren't wrinkled or shoes being clean etc.
Also maybe try a coffee or a drink as a first meet and then you aren't stuck with someone for potentially hours who you might not get along with or might not look like their pictures. You can always extend the date if you are getting along well or suggest that as the next date.

@HairyArsedMan I can bake a cake or a flapjack, so food is a good call....

@Dancerinthemoonlight I hadn't thought about being stuck halfway up a hill with someone and not getting on. You are right, some more local walks and coffee would be better, then make a plan.

Thanks all, this does help a nervous chap a lot...

@BelladiMamma Agree with @SortingItOut he is putting a lot of pressure on himself. Is he new to it all ? Might take him some time to figure out that it's not about performing or "winning", rather exploring and figuring out where you mesh, and that entails dealing with the rough as well as the smooth.

And I knew I had another question - instead of online, are some groups like meetup or activity related groups a good way of meeting likeminded/adventure/sportsy ladies?

Or will that just make me a weirdo?

@outdooryone I kind of take it as it happens.

My first one was like old friends, we had been speaking for 5 months though and had kind of got to know each other. We didn't even say hi I'm Computer Geek or hi I'm Isit. My 2nd and last one was awkward hi how are you and we ended with we'll stay in touch and no hug (don't think either of us knew what to do). We've seen each other since a few times for coffee and still message and do greet each other with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, the awkwardness has gone completely. The last time I saw him for example he turned up hot and sweaty in his cycling gear, and he said I might not want to hug him because he's all sweaty.(that didn't stop me or him lol)😂.

@BelladiMamma

Sounds too much hard work tbh.

Yeh I agree on Bumble initially there seemed to be a few who would come up with “flowery praise” along with “hinting how many other guys I was going to be meeting and how they weren’t good enough for me”.

Just seemed weird and socially unskilled. Then you get the pushy sex creeps otherwise so no happy medium!

I’d personally be tempted to just cut my losses with all the long chats and virtual irons (as if we hadn’t pinned down a meet by now it seems unlikely and just more emotional maintenance/drama to organise/overthink on both sides) have a break, then make a fresh start.

@VanGoghsDog that must be a nice feeling that Mr WG wants to make some plans with you!

@MayEye beautiful update!! He sounds so decent 😍

@Slothmomma hope you're feeling loads better now, bet you can’t wait to be out and about 👯‍♂️👯‍♂️

@BelladiMamma crappy let down how disappointing but you had a feeling that one was in the post I guess.

@bangheadhere40 yay someone normal to chat to! Mr Cow 🐄

Hi lovely team of moral support. I hope you dont mind me asking: I met a guy on an app a week ago, exchanged around 10 msgs and met yesterday for an hour, tea, bye bye and no promises on my side. Below is our todays morning txt exchange and that left me puzzled. Now I dont mind that he is gone as he was waving a red flag at me when he kept asking for a selfie to which i said no around 3 times, but my question is what I did wrong? Not sure if I worded it oddly cause surely he cant expect us to be a couple...

Just checking in with the new thread (Thanks @Dancerinthemoonlight )

Nothing new to report here, I haven't arranged any more dates with MrMud yet, I know we both have a childfree weekend from tomorrow (the first one since we got together) but he hasn't suggested anything yet. So I've asked him if/when he wants to meet up again.

@outdooryone

And I knew I had another question - instead of online, are some groups like meetup or activity related groups a good way of meeting likeminded/adventure/sportsy ladies?

Or will that just make me a weirdo?

I have dated two men via my Meet Up group, and another has my number and suggested we meet for dinner but has not managed to turn that into action!

I would say only join groups where you have a genuine interest, join open heartedly for the activity and chat to everyone, not just the young blondes..... (Being an older brunette myself.....).
But just chat, not probing their relationship status.
MrWG and I have known each other via Meet Up for three and a half years. Last Oct I messaged him about something, we swapped numbers, he asked me, eventually, if I wanted to meet for coffee and a mere..... ten months later.....here we are, planning a week away.

Things happen far more quickly and less organically via online dating, the "getting to know you" stage is very fake. So it's best to go for a quick meet, coffee, get to know them a bit etc, as early as you can I think.

If going for a walk, a flapjack is good. Cake is, somehow, too try hard. I've been impressed by guys who've brought something, but tellingly I'm not with any of them now so really, you either like each other or not, the cake is just the icing, or something......

But don't go canoing with someone you've not met, you might be tempted to drown them after half an hour.

As for clothes - clean and appropriate to the activity is fine.

Meeting greeting - it's tricky, we're British, we don't do this well. I go for an air kiss, hands on shoulders, not full hug. While they inevitably go for a hug and we end up in a daft position. But, best to do what's natural for you and laugh it off. Or you could ask them before.

Kiss on cheek on parting unless they go for it, but no tongues on first date.

I hate being asked on a date if I'll see them again, it feels pressurised. I'd rather reflect and decide later, but it is nice to know if a guy is keen.

There aren't really any rules, though it probably seems as if there are. There aren't. Also, some of your questions, it will depend on your age. I doubt twenty year olds are sitting around wondering how to greet people they meet!

Thanks @VanGoghsDog , that is helpful.
For the record, 47 years young here and never got the blonde thing!

@Hehx3

Hi lovely team of moral support. I hope you dont mind me asking: I met a guy on an app a week ago, exchanged around 10 msgs and met yesterday for an hour, tea, bye bye and no promises on my side. Below is our todays morning txt exchange and that left me puzzled. Now I dont mind that he is gone as he was waving a red flag at me when he kept asking for a selfie to which i said no around 3 times, but my question is what I did wrong? Not sure if I worded it oddly cause surely he cant expect us to be a couple...

Well, he has taken it that you mean there is zero relationship potential and basically don't want to hear from him.

While I can see that you didn't actually say that, your texts do look like a brush off. They're a bit chilly!

Probably come across cooler than you thought because underneath you weren't sure anyway. If you really fancied him I doubt you'd have sent these.

How to tell them to lay off the "morning" texts is a tricky one. But I don't like them either. They seem a bit formulaic and calculated.

@outdooryone

And I knew I had another question - instead of online, are some groups like meetup or activity related groups a good way of meeting likeminded/adventure/sportsy ladies?

Or will that just make me a weirdo?

My local city has several Meetup groups specifically for singles, they organise regular nights out as well as walks, trips to events and shows etc. Had Covid not happened last year, I wasn't going to bother with the Apps, but join those groups instead as they seemed well attended and a good mix of activities.