Dating Thread 211 - heading into to Autumn fueled by possibilities

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Sorry @WeWantTheFinestWines your post made me cackle 🤣🤣

Fucking potatoes!! No famine for us is there!!! 😣

That’s lovely @dancemom. Love reading the nice updates on here 🥰

@Dirtyduck

MrMud got back to me suggesting I go over to his for a meal this weekend. Question is, should I pack some bits in case I stay overnight? Is that too presumptuous? I think it very likely that we will DTD, he only had to rush off last time to get home for his animals, otherwise I'm sure it would have happened already. I suppose it does no harm to just stuff some deodorant, toothbrush and spare top/underwear in my bag just in case. I'm going to his by train, so could get away with having a small backpack rather than a huge overnight bag I suppose.

I would be straight up with him? I would want to know what the deal is and whether or not to pack a toothbrush - and also that consent can be given and withdrawn!

@BelladiMamma - He offered to come pick me up, but he didn't give any indication about me getting home, so I suggested that I come by train on saturday afternoon and stay for dinner, but if we finished very late asked if he could drop me back home? I thought that gives him the option of saying "well you could stay?"

He's out tonight so won't hear from him until late.

Sounds like communication is good/comfortable @Dirtyduck which is definitely something I’m going to have as a non-negotiable from now on! And offering the lift is a nice polite gesture.

@FireandBrimstone

Agree that’s a good move to suggest the meet earlier - it enables you to suss out if they’re flaky or not? But also be wary of the type who indicates they “need persuading” before meeting - I’ve noticed a few creeps bring up/offer a meet earlier (so you think they’re serious daters and keep chatting) and then start bringing up sex chat when you’re more drawn in.

(ie with MrSexty watch out for him agreeing to a meet then saying you’ve GOT to sex chat him to “keep his interest” beforehand.)

@SpringlikeBunk

Sounds like communication is good/comfortable *@Dirtyduck* which is definitely something I’m going to have as a non-negotiable from now on! And offering the lift is a nice polite gesture.

@FireandBrimstone

Agree that’s a good move to suggest the meet earlier - it enables you to suss out if they’re flaky or not? But also be wary of the type who indicates they “need persuading” before meeting - I’ve noticed a few creeps bring up/offer a meet earlier (so you think they’re serious daters and keep chatting) and then start bringing up sex chat when you’re more drawn in.

(ie with MrSexty watch out for him agreeing to a meet then saying you’ve GOT to sex chat him to “keep his interest” beforehand.)

I definitely got this from younger guys. Luckily not so prevalent in the 50+ sea I've been swimming in recently

dirty do you need to know in advance? Could you not be spontaneous and see where the evening takes you? A toothbrush and a fresh pair of knickers won't take up much room and then you can just go with the flow?

@SpringlikeBunk

Sounds like communication is good/comfortable *@Dirtyduck* which is definitely something I’m going to have as a non-negotiable from now on! And offering the lift is a nice polite gesture.

@FireandBrimstone

Agree that’s a good move to suggest the meet earlier - it enables you to suss out if they’re flaky or not? But also be wary of the type who indicates they “need persuading” before meeting - I’ve noticed a few creeps bring up/offer a meet earlier (so you think they’re serious daters and keep chatting) and then start bringing up sex chat when you’re more drawn in.

(ie with MrSexty watch out for him agreeing to a meet then saying you’ve GOT to sex chat him to “keep his interest” beforehand.)

Communication is great with him actually, he's the best "fit" for me I've ever had. He's very polite and often buys me little gifts on our dates without feeling like he's love bombing me (I've felt like that before with previous irons). I'm trying hard not to think too deeply about him, but this might turn into something very serious

@WeWantTheFinestWines

dirty do you need to know in advance? Could you not be spontaneous and see where the evening takes you? A toothbrush and a fresh pair of knickers won't take up much room and then you can just go with the flow?

This is the way I'm leaning, A few essentials packed in my bag just in case.

@BelladiMamma

Lol with my planned speed dating at least the sexting creeps and degenerates will have to get out of bed and spend an evening out, and meet my gaze for four minutes first! (I’m sure there’ll be the same oddballs but let’s see)

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

Lol with my planned speed dating at least the sexting creeps and degenerates will have to get out of bed and spend an evening out, and meet my gaze for four minutes first! (I’m sure there’ll be the same oddballs but let’s see)[/quote]
I have a friend who swears by speed dating (although he's still single so it's not THAT successful for him ), but he did find the best connections through that than on the Apps.

@Dirtyduck

That’s what I’m hoping for - just more of a pleasant boundaried friendly decent social vibe?

I think I’ll stay very formal and not get drunk and hang around mixing and exchange numbers, just use the match system and look to meet similar.

Like I’m on no deadline to meet someone, but the whole app “mentality” and calibre of interactions can be toxic (for myself and the people I’m matching with) and I’m not feeling emotionally resilient enough right now.

I mean there’s definitely decent types like your current iron but it’s the “ten lunatics and flakes you have to get through first” that are wearing me down.

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

Lol with my planned speed dating at least the sexting creeps and degenerates will have to get out of bed and spend an evening out, and meet my gaze for four minutes first! (I’m sure there’ll be the same oddballs but let’s see)[/quote]
Exactly!

Well. I have a few nice chats from bumble and IrishFlake has sent me several long very lovely messages ... but I'm keeping my expectations zero now.

One of my chats has asked if he can drive down to see me tomorrow and gone through a lot of his relationship requirements, it's flowed quite nicely but even for me a meet up the next day is Too Much. I've told him I'm a slow burn.

Another of my chats asked to meet tomorrow but she and I have been messaging for 3 weeks so more acceptable!

@SpringlikeBunk good advice. Mr Sexty could very well be that type. I will keep my spidey senses on red alert.

@SpringlikeBunk the speed dating sounds like it could be a nice evening when you going for it? It’s quite brave going I think.

@Shayelle2009

Hopefully quite soon, will update! Will just see it as a nice organised geeky night out in a new city.

Not expecting fireworks and not going to overdress or get into /commit to anything too heavy.

Initially I was thinking about going for the the virtual option (and I definitely might in future)

but a bit mindful I’m not wanting to get into the “endless chatting/trying to set up meets in person” thing any time soon?

Quite nice feeling excited about moving forward with dating again!

I’ve felt a bit flat/negative about dating as you can tell from the tone of my posts but didn’t want to just “opt out” for a year as that doesn’t work for me.

But I’m genuinely excited about just a planned night out with “Proper face to face flirting and chat”

rather than the logistical nightmare that’s been planning meets and dates over the last year?

@FireandBrimstone

Morning everyone and happy new thread - once again so much to catch up on, mind blowing.

I still don’t have nearly the amount of progress or action that most of you are having but I can confirm I’ve popped my Date Zero Cherry 🏆 🎉

It was a nice couple of hours, coffee and a walk - didn’t stop talking the whole time, very nice chap. But I don’t fancy him and he definitely lied about his height. Also awkward kissy-greeting and kissy-departing thing which I hadn’t thought about till he made a move. Not snogging- but I hadn’t even contemplated even a kiss on a cheek so it was deffo awkward! He wants to meet again. I might, but v likely it won’t come to anything. I’ll call him Mr Keyring.

I also have two further folk I think I can now call Irons. One I will call Mr Sexty - yes, he’s the ‘Have you been with a woman’ guy who graciously handled my cheeky line and moved on. However his chat is definitely sexual and I’m not sure I can handle it when we have not yet met. I saw there was chat on the previous thread about sexting, but can’t find it again. Can anyone help me identify the OP from the previous thread and that might help me filter it?

The other is Mr Printer and he definitely is the most fanciable of the three based on pics. His chat is interesting, intelligent and he is ticking a lot of my boxes. I am really keen to meet him though he’s not suggested it yet, he works shifts so that’s likely to be tricky to schedule between shifts, my work and both have childcare duties. I’d like to suggest it but we’ve only been chatting a week, is that too short a time?

@FireandBrimstone well done on getting your first OLD zero under your belt. I had my first one earlier this month too 🙂

Sounds like it was quite a positive experience overall. Interested to hear how the second date goes!

@dancemom

Date zero was a success 🙌🏼

I wouldn't have looked twice at him TBH, an average looking guy but we had great chat and didn't stop talking the whole time. He's already messaged asking to see me again too 😊

@dancemom 😁 If i get on with someone like a house on fire I immediately find them super sexy. Also a good sign that he messaged you straight away. Keen and chatty!

I'm longing for some good conversation @Dancemom! Someone who is chilled out and not too "intense/trying to impress" would be such a turn-on....

Been WhatsApp messaging Mr Bug for over a week, no date yet. He has asked me to his house for coffee 🙄 but obviously I said no, but would meet for a drink…….no offer forthcoming. He just makes a joke and moves on with the chat. He just wants a penpal, or he’s waiting to see if another pans out maybe?
It’s a ‘run away and block’ situation, isn’t it?
Why are all the hot ones such arseholes?

@Mylifestartstoday

he's offering a hookup, not interested otherwise, seeing if you "give in".

@SpringlikeBunk I thought as much. Why are there so many men like this at my age (50+)? I’ve been very clear……but maybe he sees me as a challenge because of that, see if he can break my boundaries. So disappointed in the male mind

@Mylifestartstoday

I'm coming across like a Debbie Downer for the apps, but personally have found exactly the same in my age group too (30's, late 20's)

I mean physical attraction and intimacy is important, I'm not after getting random blokes I'm not into to "take me out and pay for expensive dates"

but the mindset/attitude of "pushing/manipulating women for instant sex dates and making it clear they're not interested otherwise" is just completely dominant at the moment?