Dating Thread 211 - heading into to Autumn fueled by possibilities

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

After my whinge yesterday I have an iron of sorts. Completely impractical- lives hours away and has a young kid. I think we both agree it's too far but we will keep in touch...Will call him Mr Cow. It's nice to chat to someone nice and not someone where I feel insecure and needy.

Still swiping obviously- reset my tinder, there's few more men in the pool but finding a new potato in amongst the battered old spuds is hard.

Thanks for the new thread @Dancerinthemoonlight

No real update from me with Mr K.
Just bumbling along, not seen him much the last few weeks due to my work and his commitments. I've not even missed him and I'm sure I should have done🤷‍♀️

In other news I've booked my first counselling session for mid September. This will definitely start and end in tears but I'm determined to get my head sorted.

@MayEye so glad to hear you’re having a great time ❤️❤️

[quote Shayelle2009]@BelladiMamma Heart Foundation in HH is taking donations x[/quote]
Thanks x
We really are near each other xx

@MayEye

New thread! Are on one a week at this stage?

Update from me: Had a hot date last night with Mr Lumberjack and it was amazing 😍 He is just the loveliest man, and he is not afraid to be open showing me he likes me. Had already thought of our next date throwing out ideas of what we can do,
I have never dated anyone who expressed any desire to see me beyond the current date and I was always last minute wondering if we would be seeing each other again.
I’m just going to enjoy it and I am so pleased to be having an experience without all the angst and wondering for a change - long may it last!

Oh that's so nice 🥰

Long may it continue

Morning everyone and happy new thread - once again so much to catch up on, mind blowing.

I still don’t have nearly the amount of progress or action that most of you are having but I can confirm I’ve popped my Date Zero Cherry 🏆 🎉

It was a nice couple of hours, coffee and a walk - didn’t stop talking the whole time, very nice chap. But I don’t fancy him and he definitely lied about his height. Also awkward kissy-greeting and kissy-departing thing which I hadn’t thought about till he made a move. Not snogging- but I hadn’t even contemplated even a kiss on a cheek so it was deffo awkward! He wants to meet again. I might, but v likely it won’t come to anything. I’ll call him Mr Keyring.

I also have two further folk I think I can now call Irons. One I will call Mr Sexty - yes, he’s the ‘Have you been with a woman’ guy who graciously handled my cheeky line and moved on. However his chat is definitely sexual and I’m not sure I can handle it when we have not yet met. I saw there was chat on the previous thread about sexting, but can’t find it again. Can anyone help me identify the OP from the previous thread and that might help me filter it?

The other is Mr Printer and he definitely is the most fanciable of the three based on pics. His chat is interesting, intelligent and he is ticking a lot of my boxes. I am really keen to meet him though he’s not suggested it yet, he works shifts so that’s likely to be tricky to schedule between shifts, my work and both have childcare duties. I’d like to suggest it but we’ve only been chatting a week, is that too short a time?

@SortingItOut

Thanks for the new thread *@Dancerinthemoonlight*

No real update from me with Mr K.
Just bumbling along, not seen him much the last few weeks due to my work and his commitments. I've not even missed him and I'm sure I should have done🤷‍♀️

In other news I've booked my first counselling session for mid September. This will definitely start and end in tears but I'm determined to get my head sorted.

Congratulations on the counselling. Don't forget, the counselling relationship is as much about you, are you comfortable with this person and are they helping you to approach those things that are blocking you

As for the MrK, maybe it's a case of 'do nowt'

Thanks for the new thread @Dancerinthemoonlight

Day 9 of isolation 😖 but we're all on way to full recovery - as long as taste and smell return 🤞

Already making plans for a night out next week. Loving that live music is back. Have been chatted up the last few times I went out too which is fun although they are never my type 🤦‍♀️ one did find me on the apps after and super swiped me 😆

@SortingItOut well done on the counselling. Hope it helps. I really should sort some myself but am frankly a little too scared to find out just how messed up I am about my ex, his cheating, the end of my marriage, resulting trust and confidence issues etc 🤦‍♀️

Back on the apps but if I've swiped 3 people I'd probably be over exaggerating 😆

@FireandBrimstone

Morning everyone and happy new thread - once again so much to catch up on, mind blowing.

I still don’t have nearly the amount of progress or action that most of you are having but I can confirm I’ve popped my Date Zero Cherry 🏆 🎉

It was a nice couple of hours, coffee and a walk - didn’t stop talking the whole time, very nice chap. But I don’t fancy him and he definitely lied about his height. Also awkward kissy-greeting and kissy-departing thing which I hadn’t thought about till he made a move. Not snogging- but I hadn’t even contemplated even a kiss on a cheek so it was deffo awkward! He wants to meet again. I might, but v likely it won’t come to anything. I’ll call him Mr Keyring.

I also have two further folk I think I can now call Irons. One I will call Mr Sexty - yes, he’s the ‘Have you been with a woman’ guy who graciously handled my cheeky line and moved on. However his chat is definitely sexual and I’m not sure I can handle it when we have not yet met. I saw there was chat on the previous thread about sexting, but can’t find it again. Can anyone help me identify the OP from the previous thread and that might help me filter it?

The other is Mr Printer and he definitely is the most fanciable of the three based on pics. His chat is interesting, intelligent and he is ticking a lot of my boxes. I am really keen to meet him though he’s not suggested it yet, he works shifts so that’s likely to be tricky to schedule between shifts, my work and both have childcare duties. I’d like to suggest it but we’ve only been chatting a week, is that too short a time?

Hiya I wrote about sexting if that's helpful?

As for MrPrinter it's not too soon to suggest a date at all

And you should do the same with Sexty guy otherwise you could waste a lot of sexual energy on someone you don't fancy in real life

@BelladiMamma Thanks for your reply, the Counsellor has already said that a 2nd session won't be booked in until I decide I am happy with her and they don't expect you to say that when you're there.

I will keep on with Mr K, I think I'm self-sabotaging because its slightly more serious now he's met my extended family and I've met his mum and right at the start I was adamant I'd be single forever and this whole thing scares me.

@Slothmomma I know I'm messed up big time, a lot from my ex and his emotional abuse and his emotional affairs but I know it started from childhood and I'm worried how I'm going to cope once I've talked it through, my mum and me only get on at a superficial level as it is😕
Definitely get some counselling booked (says me who has taken 3 years since the end of my marriage to be mentally ready to do this)

Ahh thanks @BelladiMamma I’ll go find your post and the subsequent chat now.

Appreciate the encouragement re Sexty and Printer..!

@MayEye oh what a lovely update 😍

@SortingItOut Sounds like a real positive to have the counselling lined up. I’ve had a few courses of counselling at different times and it’s always been intense but also helpful. The tears, if they happen, will help And you’re in a safe space.

Am I picking up correctly that some of the posters here are having an IRL get together in Brighton? That makes me so happy! The power of the Dating Thread! 💥

[quote BelladiMamma]@Getbehindme seriously there are married guys on there openly saying that 🤮[/quote]
Yep! Absolute bastards.

@Getbehindme

Interesting question! I think there’s normally meant to be an upsurge around Xmas/new year of people?

Just for this year, I think this summer has been a bit mental for dating with the lockdown situation -

It’s like the guys who want to go out and do stuff and plan days out and dates can’t and so maybe the “first date at yours” and sexting types are over represented?

I’m switching to speed dating as well next so hopefully that will open up fresh social avenues, as the apps are really feeling quite stale!

I only started using tinder quite late in life and tbh I’m happy never to use it again!

All seems happening @MayEye and @VanGoghsDog

think there’s normally meant to be an upsurge around Xmas/new year of people?

Cuffing season!

www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/cuffing-season-meaning-origin

I'm only 2 weeks in, I'm still kind of horrified/curious/amused/jaded all at once.

Taking regular breaks is my coping strategy.

@Getbehindme I first went on an app one year ago and I've really had to grow a thick skin. This is my third time and I think I'm finally developing the right attitude, which is basically that it's all BS til it happens and people being wierd isn't your fault!!! (As per the rules, which I often reread!)

MrIrish has flaked.

Wow.

I really don't have a great track record.

Time to delete the apps?

Thanks for the new thread! @Dancerinthemoonlight not much of an update from me really. But what is it with remeniscing about old flaky irons. Sorry still catching up from the last few pages and this stuck out. I posted before MrS wrote out of the blue and things are going so well with MrElf now suddenly all the 'amazing' memories of MrS have flooded into my head. Haven't acted on the message which is scaring me as i thought feelings were super strong for MrElf and if he ever messaged it'd be ignored/deleted. Aaaaarh!

@Naimee87

Thanks for the new thread! *@Dancerinthemoonlight* not much of an update from me really. But what is it with remeniscing about old flaky irons. Sorry still catching up from the last few pages and this stuck out. I posted before MrS wrote out of the blue and things are going so well with MrElf now suddenly all the 'amazing' memories of MrS have flooded into my head. Haven't acted on the message which is scaring me as i thought feelings were super strong for MrElf and if he ever messaged it'd be ignored/deleted. Aaaaarh!

I think these feelings are completely natural. We can have them at different stages throughout our life. It's partly FOMO, partly rose tinted memories and also according to my therapist, can flag things that you might be missing in your current relationship?

@BelladiMamma

MrIrish has flaked.

Wow.

I really don't have a great track record.

Time to delete the apps?

It is why I am not actively looking for the last couple of weeks and am just talking to the flake I already have. 😫

@ActonSquirrel it's like, what the hell is going on? I do think there's a nationwide malaise post Covid and lockdown has been way harder for those of us who are single but ... why join a dating app when you won't meet? I guess some people feel like it's progress just talking to someone on-line or on the phone?

I mean if I knew MrIrish better and had had the chance to meet him I'd at least be able to figure out if he's genuine or not or flaky because there is someone else in the picture or a big fat lie he's told me.

I'm on my 4th approach to winter dating and I have to say that cuffing season does not seem to be a thing as far as it concerns an uptick in dating candidates. Maybe it should be called settling season ? I've always found that serious dating of the planned sort that @SpringLikeBunk describes is difficult through late November/December due to all the demands on time and money that the run up to Christmas brings.

I take it all back about Mr Irish @BelladiMamma - any reasons given ?

@BelladiMamma I don't think you need to give up the apps but maybe think about any amber or red flags you've ignored with Mr Irish and next time the same happens you can let them go early rather than holding on to them.

Just remember him being a flake is not your fault, this is all on him.

@SortingItOut @HairyArsedMan 'I'm not feeling great and I want to be in top form if / when we meet' many apologies and two paragraphs of text.

I do like guys that are a slow burn and don't appear arrogant. I think that means I also get some who are shy, lacking self confidence or just conflicted about dating